Hiding Vs Bearing All

[garden]

I am noticing more and more people posting real pictures of themselves here, and it intrigues and inspires me a bit. I enjoy seeing the different faces, and knowing that they share an invisible diagnosis like I do is somehow comforting. It's like these are regular, normal, everyday humans (not sure what other kind there are, I'm a little off) and they have these kinds of thoughts and struggles, and I'm not alone. I know that I CARRY (this is not a projection on anyone else) shame about having a disabling condition, and I like being able to keep it hidden. I am brutally honest and truthful here on the forum, which has been a liberating and healing thing for me, after so much silence. So I'm torn between wanting to show the world that this is me and retreating into my cubby hole.

It seems like it might benefit the world if we were able to talk about these things more openly. We already know what happens to people who are abused, it ruins lives... Mental hospitals and prisons are full of people who have seen what we have... Maybe talking about this, and making it a normal thing to talk about could change our cultural attitudes towards abuses and the abused in general. The outcomes of trauma and abuse are never talked about, except here or in an educational setting. It's like the olden days when the visibly handicapped were hidden away from societies view, so as to protect them somehow (or to protect the public)... There's this stigma, and it's stupid. How will it ever change if we don't raise awareness somehow? It's a vicious cycle.

What would happen if a celebrity had ptsd and was totally open about it, while continuing to do what he/she does, with setbacks and downtime and everything...?

 

[Chava]

There is too much stigma around PTSD and mental health issues in general. I think it would be really helpful for a couple celebs (as much as I don't personally care about them) to be open about this stuff. I think about the ones who have suffered most and wished they could have been under less pressure....been able to figure out what they were healing from and come back and share only what they want, not be bombarded by media (people like Amy Winehouse, etc).

Hey, btw, I actually am a snail.

 

[Chava]

p.s. I don't think remaining anonymous = shame. I go to AA but don't announce this to everyone in my world. I'm not ashamed. But people don't need to know everyone's business. For some of this deeper stuff, it actually makes them feel awkward if they don't feel like they know how to respond. I totally respect anonymity. I also respect that others want to show their faces here.

 

[garden]

@Chava, do you mean that you hide?

Hey, btw, I actually am a snail.

I admire anyone that can bear it all, and I wish that I could do that. I also respect any end of that spectrum for others, it's really personal, and kind of complex sometimes.

 

[Chava]

No, this is what I actually look like. Sorry if you thought I was a human ;)

(but yes, I hide...I've very honest, but from within a shell and with careful boundaries, I suppose)

 

[garden]

@Chava
At first I was like :wideeyed:

But now I'm laughing. Thank you for that! :D

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I agree with @Chava.

Anonymity does not = Shame.

I think that I can say without a doubt that EVERY member here has been either silenced, shamed, or made to feel like they have to hide their disorder for one reason or another.....by the forces that be of society. This is not an action we take in a vacuum. We choose to be anonymous here so that we can freely discuss our problems and issues with a significantly reduced fear of having things held against us.

I know without a doubt that the things I have said here on the forum about myself could be held against me. At over 6K posts, ya, there is enough here that if someone.....ie the WRONG one.....discovered my identity, then yes, I could have very real repercussions. ie an ex who wants to use my mental status to destroy me because he is bitter. Or someone, anyone saying that I am an unfit parent because I have very real mental struggles and what has been said here shows an ongoing pattern of dysfunction (never mind the fact that it shows I am indeed getting better over time). Or an employer who doesn't want someone "mental" as an employee. I could go on and on and on.

Anonymity is a protection that we all VERY much deserve given how society has treated us. We deserve an anonymous place in which we can freely discuss our issues, our problems, our struggles.

My priest had a related discussion with me a few years ago. It seems that a lot of the time I see the decisions I make as "bad" (or less than optimal) because I don't see the larger picture. That is, I fail to see that an action of mine isn't simply an ACTION, rather it is a RE-ACTION to things in my environment. I see the anonymity on this forum not as an action, but as a reaction. If society wasn't full of stigma toward those with mental health issues... If society didn't pile on heaps of shame toward those who are labeled "mentally ill".... If people with a diagnosis weren't freaked out about losing their basic rights (even in instances where it is illegal, but there are loopholes to get around that)....

My anonymity is not out of shame. It is a protection mechanism based on my desire to have EVERYTHING that the non-mentally ill have. That is, I don't want to fear losing custody of my children because of some venting post I made when I was triggered. (I don't have kids yet, but yes, a real possibility in the future.) I don't want to fear losing a job (or not even being considered for a job) because I can be identified as mentally ill out there on the internet. I don't want to bear the brunt of discrimination by.....anyone. Its not a matter of shame. Its a matter of protecting myself and helping to ensure that my future is stable. Any one of these things (no job, losing a job, ex destroying me, losing children) could ultimately destroy my life. Again, not about shame, its about playing the game and playing it well so that I can ensure my future is everything I want it to be.

And before anyone says my post is full of paranoia, I've been here long enough to know of a number of people who have been discovered here by others.....others who have sought out to destroy the person. Maybe its a small risk that this would happen, but to me, losing my anonymity is an unnecessary risk that I'm not willing to take.

 

[calipopcorn]

:)

 

[ihateusernames]

I have a lot of respect for people who are totally open and forthright and I desperately want to be an advocate for mental health issues and to work toward eliminating the stigma myself. I have felt a heavy push toward that for many years. But I am just not ready to let that part of me encompass my whole life.

If society wasn't full of stigma toward those with mental health issues... If society didn't pile on heaps of shame toward those who are labeled "mentally ill".... If people with a diagnosis weren't freaked out about losing their basic rights (even in instances where it is illegal, but there are loopholes to get around that)....

Because these things are very real and I'm afraid of them. I'm afraid of what people will assume about me, but I'm also afraid for more practical reasons. Just this month I had a job offer revoked for reasons that stem directly from mental health issues. And that has uncovered a whole new area in which people are badly in need of advocacy and where change needs to happen.

I know the first step really is normalizing this stuff and I feel like a major hypocrite because I'm sitting here doing nothing at all to help in that area.

 

[garden]

I know the first step really is normalizing this stuff and I feel like a major hypocrite because I'm sitting here doing nothing at all to help in that area.

You talking about this, even if it's here, might be seen as a step towards normalizing this stuff. From where I am standing, this looks like a start. :)

I'm afraid of what people will assume about me, but I'm also afraid for more practical reasons. Just this month I had a job offer revoked for reasons that stem directly from mental health issues. And that has uncovered a whole new area in which people are badly in need of advocacy and where change needs to happen.

This is why I value the option of hiding, and also why I feel the push to help expose the damage that goes with the stigmatization of mental illness.

 

[ihateusernames]

Thanks, @Lewa. I hope you're right.

 

[Ellabella44]

I dont think anonymity is shame. shouldnt have to feel shame for sh*t that happened to you and is not your fault. I havent told my husbands family yet , well i have told a few nieces who eiether have it or have some other mental illness and the family is ok with it. So for me it will be sometime soon. Friends online have been supportive.

I have told the people i am volunteering with. And if anything they are pretty much of the mindset of giving me a chance and helping me out by treating me like anyone who doesnt have this. I felt need to explain about some behaviors i have in order to advocate for myself. In a yes i have this so please bear with me on a bad day type of thing. Sadly cant come out as a celebrity... my stand up career has been limited to comics for the game i played and gaming chats till now.

But its ok if someone feels they cant be open about it. I havent wanted to for a while so i fully understand. You never know how someone will react.