High functioning with ptsd/cptsd

[Beans]

@Beans So if you fail to get a job, will you be depressed about this and consider y...

Sometimes when I feel shitty (lol past 2 days) I'll beat myself up and be harsh, but overall I'm pretty loving towards myself. I'm on my own side even when I don't have a job. So I can consider myself low or mid functioning and not hate myself or think I'm unworthy or less than. It's just where I'm at. Period. (By the by, it took me many years of learning self love and compassion to extricate my worth and value as a human being from what i do. I am NOT what I do. That's why i can see myself as not high functioning and still love and value myself. That takes practice though in this society.)

You can consider yourself whatever feels best/right for you. Or don't use functioning at all since it doesn't seem comfortable for you. In fact I'd recommend you not use it. Anything that you use to judge yourself probably don't use.

It's kinda not my business if it's "setting someone else up for failure." I'm my own business and others are their own business. So 30 pple can love using the functioing label, 30 are indifferent, 30 have a huge problem with it. It's up to all of us to take care of ourselves. And that's not trying to be cold. It's just that you can't... i guess ban? or not do things on the off chance it might not work for someone else. It works for me, and they don't have to use it you know? We're not all the same and we don't have to be. It's all good. Lol i'm feeling like hippy now.

 

[Fiadh]

People place different values on areas of their lives which they will decide as to whether they think they are doing good or bad, are high or low functioning. And I guess we are all going to have different priorities and goals as to what is important for us in life and what in our mind makes us functioning. I have a job- but that to me that doesn't make me feel functional at the moment- some important areas of my life are pretty bloody shitty but that's for me to work out how to turn it around.

I know though that one day my function will improve and I'll learn something that helps- and then I'll learn something that really doesn't help and my ability to function will go down again. But hope to hear from those who have managed the loss of motivation and isolating thing well and how they have overcome that

 

[intothelight]

Maybe rethinking the definition of "job" would be a good idea. I grew up under the myth of superwoman where it was expected to have a career, excel at parenting, keep a meticulous house, entertain, blah, blah, blah. (Anyone remember the commercial with the line, "bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan"? ) So what is a job? Most of the time we think of labor in exchange for money, but what if it is something we do that brings us fulfillment? Paid or not, there are many things that can be considered work, career, job, calling, etc. As long as they give a person a purpose and fulfillment and they are engaged in the activity, perhaps that is all that is needed. Again, it will be an individual definition and each person will evaluate based on their own situation.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I just don't understand why people keep thinking that a job, will make them high functioning. It's nuts!!!

My insurence reduced my therapist sessions, that we had to appeal 3 times, as they were saying I was better and functioning "as normal" because I can work and my anxitety at work, at that time, was lower. Though I cowar onto the floor in the fetal position when I think of leaving my house to go get milk. Yeah, that's functioning so well. This was before training a service dog. I could/can work but forget about leaving the house for anything else. So many don't get I numb myself to work and that is the only way I can work and that happened on it's own out of "I don't have a choice" when i left the house of hell amd had to support myself fully.

Work DOES NOT measure function! AT ALL#

 

[scout86]

@lostforgottensoul , just wanted to say your light bulb moment WAS what I was trying to say.

With insurance companies, there definitely seems to be a catch 22. But, all they really care about is making money. They make more money if they treat people less. They have to keep people alive, to pay premiums, but they don't really have to care about anything else.

I'd say the fact that you can drag yourself to work makes you more functional that someone who can't. But then, maybe someone who can't make themselves go to work has no problem going to the grocery store. It's kind of a mixed bag, you know? If any of this was easy, you wouldn't have a diagnosis at all. :)

So, because I know it has to be hard, at least some of the time, how DO you get yourself to go to work everyday?

 

[Crow]

I can either be working at a pretty complicated job or have friends and be in a relationship. I can't handle both. Up until now it has truly been one or the other. Hopefully that'll change in the near future.

 

[Beans]

I can either be working at a pretty complicated job or have friends and be in a relationship. I can't hand...

Oooo i love this insight. It's so true. It's all balance. Atm I can't do a complex job, while learning to connect and be more social, while losing weight, working through my trauma for the first time in my life. However, I can do something less taxing and still focus on the other areas of my life.
---
Re my previous post- It's really ok to say 'for me, work doesn't measure functioning, however, it might for someone else (or vice versa.') I guess I don't get the 'has to be the same for all pple' broad generalizations in this thread.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Beans Just to clarify a statement that someone made that was Incorrect and assuming.... I was in no way shape or form "going off on you". I also want to add that I enjoyed our exchange. I hope that one day, you achieve your "goal" of getting a job, I just hope that when you do, your symptoms are managed to the point that you can be functioning in your job. I think that's what I've been trying to say all along... That even if a person is working at a job, it doesn't really mean that they are functioning at a higher level than anyone else because of symptoms. It takes a hell of a lot out of you when you have to interact with people all day, when inside you feel crazier than a shit house rat on roller skates.... only to go home and crash. That's not high functioning, it's surviving the inevitable crash later on.....

 

[Crow]

I so agree @Link Removed. I think in the psychiatric scheme, some of the measures for 'high functioning' are incredibly flawed. I scrape by the week holding on by my fingernails some months. Because I bring home that pay check, I'm considered 'high functioning.' To me, having a solid support system, friends, people I talk to every day would be much more functioning than coming home and crashing after nine hours or on the days I work from home, fighting the crap in my head all day while doing my job. So yeah, coming up with an 'industry' definition and a definition that actually means something for 'functioning' might help the discussion get on an even keel. Thanks for your post Link Removed

 

[Beans]

@Beans Just to clarify a statement that someone made that was Incorrect and assuming...

Oh no! I didn't think you were going off on me at all. Even looking back it doesn't seem like it... Not even sure what they might have been referring to? Shrug. I guess pple can read into anything.

Btw, this functioning thing is not about a comparison to others. Period. Not oh she can keep a job, he can't therefore she's high, he's low. There is no judgement in it. It's just how you're able to function in the world. Your view is the one that matters, though everyone else has different criteria.

I've been high functioning. I was working, going to school, living on my own and had "friends." I was miserable. My symptoms were not managed. I was a mess internally. But just based on being able to function in the world, I was high functioning. I was able to interact and get things done. It has nothing to do with my internal experience, my feelings, my illness. It's what behaviors can you do? Period. No value judgement. What can you currently do? Remember pple can be high functioning alcholics. They're a mess inside, but they can still run their lives... up until the moment they can't that is. I was high functioning til I had to deal with my internal stuff cause I could no longer function. And I'll be high functioning again, by my definition, but this time with my internal experience at peace instead of in constant turmoil.

Anywho, it's just a fundamental difference in the way pple are interpreting the words high functioning. And that is completely ok. We don't have to have the same views on functioning or, really, anything and still be ok. That's the beauty of life. Anywho, I won't keep going on about it. Great discussion!

 

[Beans]

Oh I just read more carefully. I see what you were referring to re going off. Nope I def didn't think you were lol!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

how DO you get yourself to go to work everyday?

It's automatic so i am unsure if I can explain it but I can try. Bascially my mind auto compartmentalizes. All emotions are in mental boxes that are numbed away this rational thought is there. This is why at times I have "gone off" (sort of) on a customer. Those boxes aren't accessable but there can be a trigger that causes it to spill.out.

Anyway, during work, I am fully distracted from everything else. 100% of my mind is on the customer and fixing their issues.

As soon as I walk out of the door, get in my car, and most especially when I walk in my door, a flood of anxiety hits. It's horrible. But that's how I work. It was automatic. I had no choice. I was thrown into the world straight out of a cult and had to survive and that is how my brain did it. I would never be able to tell anyone how I compartmentize. I have no idea. I do it in therapy as well, automatically, and my therapist has to work to break through it.