Other High profile child trafficking, CSA, what to watch ( or not) on TV

[Mach123]

I just lost a big post trying to cut and paste, oh well. Not feeling well today I’m sure some of the fallout is from watching this. I can’t think of anything to say about it right now except I wish the therapy was here I wouldn’t hesitate to call her. I don’t consider this a crisis. It’d be nice to talk to some one who knew what I was saying though.

 

[joeylittle]

I just lost a big post trying to cut and paste, oh well.

I can restore that post for you if you'd like. Let me know.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

So I decided to watch the Netflix documentary on Epstein

I binge watched the entire series in one night. I was trafficked and I tend to watch things about or has pieces of my trauma in it when highly triggered. It makes me feel not alone, I think. I stay really dissociated so maybe that's how I can get through it. I'm not sure. But, I feel ya.

 

[Mach123]

I can restore that post for you if you'd like. Let me know.

If you can put it in private diary that’d be great. Thanks so much.

 

[Mach123]

I binge watched the entire series in one night. I was trafficked and I tend to watch things about or has pieces of my trauma in it when highly triggered. It makes me feel not alone, I think. I stay really dissociated so maybe that's how I can get through it. I'm not sure. But, I feel ya.

It made me feel so alone. But I know what that is with me. It woke up all kinds of feelings I’d forgotten. (Blocked again?) I go along and watch me and I forget why I’m like that. What would you expect me to be like?

I spent so much time thinking badly of me and blaming myself. That wrecked me. But the whole thing was my safe space so it’s conflicting. Everything I love should be avoided . But nothing else works. Then I had to deal with “you’re making excuses”. Why do you have to be high always? Why can’t you just get over things?

But watching the women crying and stuff it’s like yeah that’s it. It runs me still. It’s nice to feel that? empathy, with them. I was a little kid when this was going on. And then it just always went on. It never stopped, I never escaped, because you can’t. That is a very hard thing because . He was just a kid. So the get over it idea always made me feel like? What? I always felt like I was trying to get off the island prolly that’s why I loved LOST. : )

So yeah. Thanks. I would watch it now again given the choice and knowing it would bring all this up. It’s a lot different now but I had to take the last 10 years doing almost nothing else.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I spent so much time thinking badly of me and blaming myself.

Oh do I feel you on that one! I was blaming myself until just 4 or so years ago. I mean, like 6 yrs of therapy and that entire time the entire blame was on myself and I was punishing myself constantly because of it.

Why can’t you just get over things?

My dad would say this to me constantly when we lived together (a total of 8 yrs) and it caused a lot more punishing because I couldn't just get over it!

I was a little kid when this was going on. And then it just always went on. It never stopped, I never escaped, because you can’t

That was another big thing with me. Why did I not leave? Why did I not tell someone? Today I see why but thats only been for these last few yrs. Many years of not being able to see why.

One thing in that docu-series that really pissed me off is they called many of the girls prostitutes and reduced their trauma. And even made them out to be criminals. Seriously? Yeah, I know they recruited other girls but first, they were kids and second, he was a very wealthy high powerful person which makes a power dynamic and 3rd they were afraid of him. He did taunt many of the girls and made them fear for their lives. I mean, imagine the fear they had of him at the time that was going on. So, if they could escape the raping then that would likely be the route a child would take. Just made no sense to make them out to be just prostitutes instead of trafficked and made some out to be criminals instead of traumatized children. Also, many (if not all) had past trauma and they were children!

 

[Mach123]

Oh do I feel you on that one! I was blaming myself until just 4 or so years ago. I mean, like 6 yrs of therapy and that entire time the entire blame was on myself and I was punishing myself constantly because of it.

My dad would say this to me constantly when we lived together (a total of 8 yrs) and it caused a lot more punishing because I couldn't just get over it!



That was another big thing with me. Why did I not leave? Why did I not tell someone? Today I see why but thats only been for these last few yrs. Many years of not being able to see why.

One thing in that docu-series that really pissed me off is they called many of the girls prostitutes and reduced their trauma. And even made them out to be criminals. Seriously? Yeah, I know they recruited other girls but first, they were kids and second, he was a very wealthy high powerful person which makes a power dynamic and 3rd they were afraid of him. He did taunt many of the girls and made them fear for their lives. I mean, imagine the fear they had of him at the time that was going on. So, if they could escape the raping then that would likely be the route a child would take. Just made no sense to make them out to be just prostitutes instead of trafficked and made some out to be criminals instead of traumatized children. Also, many (if not all) had past trauma and they were children!

Yes, once you traumatize a kid with sex they are more vulnerable to suggestion and grooming. So the feeling of not being able to escape it falling out of their favor (it’s worse than being held by force because it feels like being held by love) is magnified and you become afraid for your life. Then you look back and part of you says (but it was all so innocent or pleasureable.). You become silent. This extends then into all relationships (for me anyway)

The perps know all this. You can’t tell, because you are torn by all this. Kids can’t process at this level, they aren’t supposed to. : (

Underage sex IS trauma.

 

[Survivor3]

These people need to be brought down and held accountable for they're actions. Prison sentences for all involved. ?

 

[Mach123]

I was like in a daze yesterday and the day before because of this. I appreciate everyone. I feel ok, you know. It’s like a different level of awareness. But I really am grateful to hear voices on the other end of the line. It’s hard stuff. My daughter asked me if the documentary was biased, and I said no, I thought it was fine. It was good. It laid it all out. Everything is biased I guess but it looked like a factual presentation. Like a detective story almost. Who knows though, idk what other people think. I didn’t know what was going on once I started watching it, I didn’t know what I was getting myself into.

I didn’t even stop to think like, the therapist is away and this is going to unbalance you. That was unguarded .

 

[Movingforward10]

worse than being held by force because it feels like being held by love)

This ^^^ "feels like being held by love". This is the headf*CK. I don't know if it is worse than being held by force but it sure is a headf*CK.

 

[Ronin]

Actually, no.

There are muuch worse ways to groom people, it doesn't work to compare, and different types of held don't ever compare either.

Don't get why people feel up to comparing traumas because no. They're distinct. And different. In impact and issues of it, too.

 

[Movingforward10]

Actually, no.

There are muuch worse ways to groom people, and different types of held don't ever compare.

Don't get why people feel up to comparing traumas because no. They're distinct. And different. In impact and issues of it, too.

Yep. All trauma is distinct and can't be compared.
Which makes your previous sentence confusing when you say there are much worse ways to groom people?