Always have Hope!
New Here
There are situations in ones life at times that causes them to rethink their past decisions base on their historic tragic events. As for myself, I felt that on my current life events, I would benefit more by sharing, and stop hiding from my past.
I will try to do so as shortly as possible. Over the years I came to terms with some of my childhood tragedies. Taught myself survival skills in my early childhood how to block the physical and mental neglect of being abandon as a baby, mental abuse toward myself worth.
Then at its worst to be made to stay in a 12 by 12 room built in our basement, as a young teenager. Knowing each night, randomly my drunken uncle force me into sexual acts, only when I became a adult I could escape. But the horrors didn't stop there, I use drugs and alcohol to ease the terror and pain.
I tried to pick the pieces up by attending art college, I became a very skilled artist up to that time. The first year I was rebuilding my life, making great strides in school and my well being. During that summer break, one night changed my future and my life. During an outing with my sister to a gay club, which she is, I was drinking heavily and was social to her in group. My sister is crippled and was going home due to being tired.
I ended up being ask to go to a after party where there be beer and some blow (coke). During the party, I started feeling funny, dizzy and really sick. Everything became a blur I'm not going to go into great detail, but I was restrained and bodily tortured, no way to flee or fight, all the fear and pain had no way to escape but to withdraw somewhere I couldn't feel. I just remember being found, don't know where or when, just recall sounds and lights and placed in the ambulance.
I spent a few days in the hospital. No need to give my thoughts of my experience and the aftermath. It didn't take long for PTSD and its symtoms to take my life over. I left college, my grades was failing. I left and moved across the country to escape the emotional bondage having to be around friends and family. Drugs became my escape, even tried overdoses to end the pain. I was placed in a controled envirement, diagnosed with complexe PTSD, put on medicines and intense therapy.
There were many maddening sleepless hopeless nights, while standing in front of the entrance one night, one of the therapist coming up to the entrance walked up to me. She had been one of my therapist early on, she told me she forgot to give me the notes she had written down for me and marked material that will help me with the trauma of ptsd. All she handed me was a small bible that I guess she keep with my folder.
Over time I was released when the medicine stabilized and since then I have worked on the issues with medication, some therapy and a strong belief in god. In time I lost the bible, but not the faith.
The one scripture that she hilighted mostly and the one that I continue to use, the one that trauma is healed and its suffer showed even at death... forgivness
Luke 23: 34
Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.
I am still recoverying, there are many facets to work on in doing so, but forgiving is part of healing, it has allowed me to help gain some calmness to some of the tragedies which was inflicted on me. I have over the years tried to be loving passinate and caring and that which help me might be helpful to someone who had endured some sort of trauma and pain.
Peace and healing to all,
I will try to do so as shortly as possible. Over the years I came to terms with some of my childhood tragedies. Taught myself survival skills in my early childhood how to block the physical and mental neglect of being abandon as a baby, mental abuse toward myself worth.
Then at its worst to be made to stay in a 12 by 12 room built in our basement, as a young teenager. Knowing each night, randomly my drunken uncle force me into sexual acts, only when I became a adult I could escape. But the horrors didn't stop there, I use drugs and alcohol to ease the terror and pain.
I tried to pick the pieces up by attending art college, I became a very skilled artist up to that time. The first year I was rebuilding my life, making great strides in school and my well being. During that summer break, one night changed my future and my life. During an outing with my sister to a gay club, which she is, I was drinking heavily and was social to her in group. My sister is crippled and was going home due to being tired.
I ended up being ask to go to a after party where there be beer and some blow (coke). During the party, I started feeling funny, dizzy and really sick. Everything became a blur I'm not going to go into great detail, but I was restrained and bodily tortured, no way to flee or fight, all the fear and pain had no way to escape but to withdraw somewhere I couldn't feel. I just remember being found, don't know where or when, just recall sounds and lights and placed in the ambulance.
I spent a few days in the hospital. No need to give my thoughts of my experience and the aftermath. It didn't take long for PTSD and its symtoms to take my life over. I left college, my grades was failing. I left and moved across the country to escape the emotional bondage having to be around friends and family. Drugs became my escape, even tried overdoses to end the pain. I was placed in a controled envirement, diagnosed with complexe PTSD, put on medicines and intense therapy.
There were many maddening sleepless hopeless nights, while standing in front of the entrance one night, one of the therapist coming up to the entrance walked up to me. She had been one of my therapist early on, she told me she forgot to give me the notes she had written down for me and marked material that will help me with the trauma of ptsd. All she handed me was a small bible that I guess she keep with my folder.
Over time I was released when the medicine stabilized and since then I have worked on the issues with medication, some therapy and a strong belief in god. In time I lost the bible, but not the faith.
The one scripture that she hilighted mostly and the one that I continue to use, the one that trauma is healed and its suffer showed even at death... forgivness
Luke 23: 34
Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.
I am still recoverying, there are many facets to work on in doing so, but forgiving is part of healing, it has allowed me to help gain some calmness to some of the tragedies which was inflicted on me. I have over the years tried to be loving passinate and caring and that which help me might be helpful to someone who had endured some sort of trauma and pain.
Peace and healing to all,
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