Hmmmmm...... Got Me Thinking!!

[Deleted member 20280]

Well after the horrible flashbacks on Saturday night as per my last posting, (Bad experience Trigger in Anxiety and Panic Attacks) I could not face taking my meds at all that night....... so I didn't, as I just knew I would not sleep at all anyway as I was so tripped out.

I hear the tutting and groans of many who will tell me not to mess with the pills, the DR knows best and all that. (had my own mother nagging me as I have not slept for three days "AGAIN"). Well the point is this. In a nutshell I am glad I tinkered with them as when I have had bad flashbacks like this in the past no matter what pills I take I lay awake all night desperately trying to get to sleep and not being able to, frustration sets in and it makes me even worse and it takes me nearly a week to recover from a single trigger. So Saturday and most of Sunday I isolated myself from contact with nearly everyone. Only coming out of my room to eat and get a glass of water.

Then I remembered what my T had taught me last July. "When you have a major trigger, write it down. Then, draft notes of you memories surrounding that particular time in your past. Single out the trauma and look for happy memories surrounding it!". You know what, I was able to come up with so many positives to negate that one negative I nearly started roaring with laughter at myself. (Didn't because it was 0330 hrs Monday morning and I don't think me rolling around laughing my (breasts) off). So I had to control my mirth and find something constructive to occupy my time in the middle of the night as I was so "Buzzing" by this point.

So laptop open, Serif Web-plus X5 at the ready and I brainstormed the web-site I am building. Result, I have completed the entire site structure mapping and formatted the outlay in just 2 days!!! No mean feat when the site map is now 350 pages with 2600 internal hyper-links and goodness knows how many external links to add to them.

Well after all that I went for a quick drink at the local club Jamming session last night and actually managed to sit with a crowd and not feel anxious at all.

So, when I trigger like this again I will sure as eggs make omelette's miss my dose and take myself off quietly and do it all again. You never know I may learn Rocket science next time!!!

 

[Ghostybear73]

That's an awesome success story, although I might let my therapist know so he/she is aware of the medication thing. Can be super bad to just not take it. Okay, enough of that. Congrats on that achievement, hope you have many more!

 

[Deleted member 20280]

Shhhh I don't have a therapist at the moment. The English NHS are to coin a phrase "complete garbage!".

But I have discussed this particular meds thing with my prescribing general practitioner in the past and we are keeping a close eye on it together. Again lucky for me my GP is also psychotherapy trained so fully understands my PTSD and how it affects me.

 

[Ghostybear73]

Okay, ill keep your secret. Be careful though. :D

 

[Deleted member 20280]

Yes @ghostybear, I promise (fingers crossed behind my back :whistling: )

I am a firm believer that we can become empowered to drive our own recovery and I for one am not going down without a fight :-)

 

[Maggiemay]

If I'm triggered badlyI end up vomiting so whether or not I take xmy meds it makes no difference as they don't stay down :(

 

[Deleted member 20280]

I used to react the same when I didn't take my meds. I recently got signed off by the Psyches and told that I was "Strong Enough to Cope".

The first few months were hell, meds changing nearly every week. When I was finally prescribed Mirtazapine I very quickly calmed down and became "normal" until I triggered and it made my mind overactive. When in this state I found that if I missed a dose it actually calmed me down. "No meds are good meds".

@Maggiemay my sincerest thoughts are with you when you react like that as I have been there. People say I am brave and the like for trying to self therapy since the Psychiatrists abandoned me (I am very good at showing a brave face) or (keeping up the great British "Stiff Upper Lip"). Inside I am going through the same turmoils every sufferer lives through. Maybe I am headstrong and rather reckless in my outlook on my PTSD but I really do believe that I have been given the task of healing my inner child so that I can help others.

I feel that when I have managed to heal myself on my own after the DR'S let me down so badly that I will be a stronger person to give back more to help others.

@Maggiemay (((((Biggest Hugs Ever)))))

Laurie

 

[WillyKat]

Well, I won't groan about the meds thing. I quit mine on my own 2.5 years ago and people told me it wasn't a good idea. The only difference I notice is that I have a lot more trouble with anger since I quit, but the depression didn't change at all, proving that the meds were'nt really doing me much good.

That said, I'm glad to hear you're managing the meds issue with your doc.

 

[Barconian]

@laurie71 You are a gentle old sole, aren't you?

 

[Deleted member 20280]

@Barconian Like my father before me I have a very nurturing and gentle side to me that will put my own life in danger to protect and save others from harm. When it comes to my own therapy and recovery I have no gentleness at all. I am very aggressive in my attitude to my therapy and how hard I want to push myself.

That is not to say that the way I choose to push myself is something I would ever recommend others do.

I was a battered and bruised child who survived terrifying abuses at not only the hands of my abusers but the other kids in the playground right from primary school through into my adulthood. I fought back then and I have been a fighter ever since both emotionally and physically I was a beaten child and I will not be a beaten adult.

:)

 

[Maggiemay]

You are definitely a fighter :) You're determination is inspiring!

Also living here in the UK I understand the need to find your own answers as the NHS is shockingly shit when it comes to mental health issues!! *groan* I find it so frustrating as everyday I battle not to be in crisis, but the NHS won't listen until you are...

Compared to many I have been relatively lucky with support I've had.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

as the NHS is shockingly shit

Lol very aptly put made me chuckle.

After the day I have had :banghead: (party of a thread in a short while as I would like to gauge responses, especially from those of us in the UK your response has indeed lifted me.

Laurie