Hoarding And CPTSD

[Sideways]

Sorry about your devastating loss - try and be gentle on yourself.

 

[Sanctuary]

Everything is shoved back at the end of the bed
My heart is broken

 

[Mumo]

I'm so sorry @Sanctuary
This is such a loss and heartache that you are having to go through. You are in my thoughts. Be gentle with yourself.

 

[Sanctuary]

My father had a heart attack yesterday
He has COPD Lung disease.
They were going to do open heart surgery but he wouldn't have made it because he has to have oxygen.
So they have put 4 stents in his heart and he is still alive.
I will see him again tomorrow in intensive care.

I feel angry at everyone and everything
My rage and anger is frightening.
.
What is going on?

 

[Sanctuary]

Ive brought another book on decluttering and the grief recovery handbook for pets.
I went and saw sybil ( like a second mum to me ) she let me pet her cat. It helped.
Looking for ways people stay strong through difficuit times.

I also had a flashback at the hospital

I prayed on the bible to god, please dont take my dad.
Im ment to start cptsd therapy in Feburay.
Housing want to put a new roof and boiler on, i just wish they would F off!

 

[ladee]

I am so very sorry about the loss of Bubba. My heart is broken for you. Maybe there is another kitty waiting for a home that will help to fill that void. No other like Bubba, but someone for you to love and talk to.

I know what it feels like to be so overwhelmed. Just try and remember to be good to yourself right now. If that only means remembering to eat and stay hydrated.

Hope your dad makes good healing progress. We are thinking of you. Keep us updated. Gentle hugs.

 

[Friday]

My father had a heart attack yesterday
He has COPD Lung disease.
They were going to do open heart surgery but he wouldn't have made it because he has to have oxygen.

I feel angry at everyone and everything
My rage and anger is frightening.
.
What is going on?

It sucks, but it’s pretty normal for increased stress = increased symptoms.

Stress Cup.

 

[Sanctuary]

Couldn't sleep then when I finally did, my nightmares are completely horrific again.

Got to go up to the hospital tonight to see my dad.
Anyone who looks like the attacker gives me flashbacks and I'm out the door.
( usually a 16 stone man with rolls of fat at the back of the neck trigger

I even did that during an op my self. Woke up with someone over me in the theatre who looked like attacker
i jumped off the bed and ran out the door with all the wires stuck in me. Ran to my dad then I was ok.
I have to go see him.
Add bloody CPSTD to mix and the cup has truly flooded over.

I just want to be in my garden, midnight gardening with a head torch. Looking at my frogs in my mini
pond soothes my soul, my therapy. My Sanctuary.

My bedroom is back piled high with clothes and junk at the end of the bed.
I dreamt I was asleep being attacked again.
Im fighting.

 

[Still Standing]

I am so sorry you are having so much extra stress to deal with. It seems normal to regress into those things that “controlled ” you prior to the progress you had made. This shows you that when you are ready you will be able to make progress again. This not a failure.

You have had some marvelous advice here as how to deal with your hoarding. I am impressed. It seems hoarders do surround themselves with things to self-insulate and protect.

My mother was a hoarder. Her bed was the living room floor where the couch and furniture became her fortress. She had multiple locks on all doors and sticks wedged into every window. All rooms were stacked to the ceiling with boxes full of things. So I understand some of your need to give yourself the sense of security.

I actually have had my bed in a closet at one time. It was the best sense of safety I had, at the time. So I give thumbs up for consideration if you are able to do that.

As for EMDR protocol, I also have not been told you have to stop meds in order to do it. Having spent years on narcotics for chronic pain from multiple spinal problems...under supervision of pain doctors, the body gets used to them and you function pretty well. I, too, cannot see how yours would keep you from processing trauma in EMDR. I am concerned that being off your meds, off schedule, will just start the cycle of break-through pain and make it tough to play catch up after every session.

I suspect the drug policy is that of the therapist you are seeing and not necessarily of the whole psych community. Each Therapist develops their way of doing their practice.

Also, I have been doing EMDR twice a week. It is tough but, for me, the frequency keeps me focused on whatever trauma we are working on, so I don’t lose the rythym of the therapy. And EMDR has worked for me. It is a weird process so don’t let it discourage you. It takes some getting used to.

And I have to say you are ahead of the therapy game. You already know why you build a fortress around you. And you have shown yourself that you are able to initiate good changes for yourself. Part of the battle with working through trauma is understanding why one reacts, thinks, and does the things they do when under stress or feel threatened. This is impressive and it shows that you are capable of learning how to cope more healthily and obtain control over your life.

I am feeling heavy-hearted for you because of the concern for your Dad and loss of your kitty. I think @ladee’s suggestion of considering adopting an orphan kitty is a sweet idea. It will give a warm cuddly thing to bond with and bring some comfort to you.

You are an amazingly insightful person. You are going to be able to walk through all this sadness and fears. We are here to walk with you, too. I send support and encouragement your way, @Sanctuary.

 

[Sanctuary]

My father had a second heart attack in hospital last night.
They have given him something to open up the airways.

I dreamt of my bubba cat - my baby, my precious, she ran and hid, and I was broken hearted.
Now I just have to pray that my dad does not die too.

I'm not coping very well, and they want to do the survey in a week in my house!
I'm terrified to move anything from the end of my bed in case my dad dies too.

My brain is not functioning properly.!
I need to go see my dad in the hospital tomorrow in a different ward.
I haven't taken my back pain meds amitriptyline as they make you sleepy and I need to see my dad.

I've done an Old Bailey trial, testified for 3 days and won! Only 7 percent of women do, but I'm broken, fragile and paid a heavy price.
I can't take much more.

How would you cope?

 

[Still Standing]

I am sorry about your Dad. That is certainly hard to deal with. I hope he is able to pull through and recover.

At the same time you have some hard choices to make and do. If you want to stay in your own place you are going to have to straighten up. Is there anyone who can come help you this week? You are at risk of having choices made for you that you may not like. I don’t recall if you are in therapy but, if so, could you talk to your T and see if they can help you with someone to help be a representative for you seeing if you could have more time because of all the stress you are dealing with. But you need to ask for help or take the consequences of an apartment that does not pass inspection. It sounds harsh but I don’t know how you are going to be able to do this task on your own. I am soooooooop sorry for what you have been through and what you are facing. Please seek out your brother or someone who knows you who would be willing to help you.

 

[Sanctuary]

I emailed my therapist twice and got no reply.

Had to take valium as was just in tears last night and gotta have a clear head.

I will ask for a female surveyor, as my dad was gonna be here when the man comes, but now he's in hospital.
I don't even let the meter reader man in, the food shopping is left outside for me, so no one comes in .
Was meant to start EMDR in Febuary.
Will call the receptionist at the PTSD clinic and ask if the Therapist is on leave again.

My brother is also ill with heart disease and a virus, he has been unable to go to the hospital to see dad.
I did move all the garden pots, water butt, bins etc from away of the side of the house so that it's done
in advance for when they want to put scaffolding up to do the roof. ( killed my Back )
There is no man to help lift. But if I can get a delay and get everything loft then do what that lady said and pay
two cleaners in before the inspection. ( she said don't sweat the small stuff)
I started scrubbing the house last night.
I have ordered a small hoover that I can use on my hands and knees as I have degenerative disc disease in my spine.

I just know the moment I let them in the door, then they will want to start putting in a new boiler and do a roof, just so they can
get money from the government. It does even need doing!
It would be helpful if they just cleaned the roof guttering as its dripping outside coz of the leaves get stuck in it for the tree.
They have been voted the worst Housing association. You are just a number on a list.