Thanks for sharing your thoughts, experience, and concerns regarding my chosen terminology regarding hellidays/holidays,
@TruthSeeker . I, too, after finally discovering that my cell-ph truly is made up of what I consume, be it thoughts, sights, sounds, nourishing sustenance, etc., remain more mindful than ever before of how I speak to myself and others via thoughts and words, but I no longer feel a need to sugar coat what I already know to be shit or put prompted positive spins on what feels like shit to me.
I also learned to give others space they need to feel what they feel and to work through their own stuff at their own pace, unless they specifically reach out for guidance or feedback. This space is one of the few comfort zones in which I feel comfortable enough to openly share. I was used to being heavily censored and harshly redirected in other spaces, most especially in my youth/teenage/early adulthood years, and also in more recent times, and this site has been a very refreshing change of pace.
I can't deny that I still feel some scars deep in my heart regarding being lied to about so many things/traditions/beLIEfs as a child, including the endless force fed helliday stories based mostly on fear, having most of my abusers being the ones who told said stories, never being protected or believed by anyone when trying to protect myself and others (yet I was continually expected to believe all the fictional crap - and punished if I didn't play along), and being conditioned to fear so many innocent things...so I'm sure that residue still clouds a few thoughts here and there, but that's my experience and all I can do is continue to heal the wounds with as much loving kindness as I can.
Regardless, I'll continue to refer to those times of year as hellidays because that's exactly what it is to me. Even more so this year, as I'm still grieving the rather recent loss of my mom. It doesn't mean I'm a miserable negative-minded grump/grinch who is actively making my and other lives hell throughout that time. I'm actually rather entertained by some of it...especially from a distance.
I don't intentionally ever set out to make anyone uncomfortable and will go out of my way to be kind and respectful every chance I get. I was brought up in an atmosphere that threw me into a very crippling state of feeling I needed to always "fake it 'til I make it" and was expected to and often forced to work really hard at pleasing others at all costs, at all times, and damn near went to my grave a few times in my very misguided and anything but healthy attempts to do so, as I've never been good at faking stuff. I feel I've come a long way, finally, in no longer feeling obligated to set my own well-being aside to be a people pleaser. May I never again feel it necessary to re-visit and engage in those types of energetic exchanges.
Although it may not seem so to folks who only know me on a screen, I'm actually of the mindset that "every day is a holiday and every meal is a banquet", which is a quote shared with me many years ago by a marine corp veteran co-worker/friend which struck a chord deep within my heart, and still does. Even more so after having dealt with various significant health issues of my own and within my family. I celebrate every single breath, every bite of nourishing food, every drop of hydrating clean water, and every chance I get to see another day. The issue I personally have is the calendar prompted days of expected traditional celebrations that are labeled and very heavily marketed holidays which evoke more than usual chaos in the day-to-day most basic of scenarios that kicks many of my symptoms into turbo and overdrive, making it harder to simply exist.
The scented things/people that are out in much larger numbers than usual that make me severely ill if I'm exposed to them (which anytime I leave home, I can expect to be exposed, hence the face masks and other tools that always accompany me), the pushy crowds and rampant deluge of hurried mindlessness, the festive and nauseating-to-me music/movies/commercials/foods/smells/etc. that can't be escaped in certain scenarios, even while in the supposed safety of ones own home, and the increased suffering of so many different species all in the name of celebration. To me, those times are indeed quite hellish on many levels and I no longer pretend they aren't. Doing so for so long greatly contributed to making my overall health worse. Only when I released the need to feel I was faithfully following tradition and making everyone else happy, and spoke openly about how I really feel, was I able to begin to heal. Calling the holidays hellidays is my way of having my own take on what I need to do to experience healidays.
I've long since learned how to better navigate and manage these times of year, but I still don't feel very lovey dovey about it. Thankfully, I haven't lost my sense of humor and can get a good laugh now and then as I make time to reflect on why I feel all the feels, then give myself much needed loving permission I never received before to actually feel them. Thanks for giving me yet another chance to think it all through quite thoroughly and share why I see things the way I see them. May you enjoy the seasons as you truly wish to and in all the ways that bring you a feeling of healing with some comfort and joy.
Apologies,
@Whirlwind , for being so wordy in your thread. I hope you're doing well.
