There's a guy called Gabor Mate who writes about ADHD from the perspective of neuro-development. His view is that ADHD is often associated with lack of a nurturing environment in childhood. This causes all sorts of relational issues and potential for addiction. What Mate is saying is that ADHD is a symptom cluster associated with a C-PTSD generating childhood environment.
If your partner is ADHD he may have a large need for touch as reassurance that the relationship is OK, and he may not understand that his need is for "reassuring touch" and not for "sex". Differentiating this is a important step but difficult for many men to understand as they're programmed that they have "need" for "sex" and "sex"="penetrative sex".
There's likely to be a complex dynamic between you and your ADHD partner. There may be something in your backgrounds that has brought you and your partner together so that what is playing out now is part of a inter-personal subconscious process that has been set up a long time ago..... possibly well before you met.
On the therapist front.... there are a LOT of dodgy therapists out there. What you describe about bringing a partner into an already established therapeutic space is fraught with issues. Detailed exploration of the potential problems and discussion with all sides is important because it risks the therapeutic relationship AND the external relationship.
In addition, the therapist should discuss this with their supervisor.... which usually takes time.... so something weird's going on if a therapist agrees during a session for the client to bring their partner to the next session........ there's no time for the therapist to talk through the issues and ethical conflicts with their supervisor.
PS......A competent and ethical therapist will have a supervisor, even if they're a sole practitioner in private practice.
If your partner is ADHD he may have a large need for touch as reassurance that the relationship is OK, and he may not understand that his need is for "reassuring touch" and not for "sex". Differentiating this is a important step but difficult for many men to understand as they're programmed that they have "need" for "sex" and "sex"="penetrative sex".
There's likely to be a complex dynamic between you and your ADHD partner. There may be something in your backgrounds that has brought you and your partner together so that what is playing out now is part of a inter-personal subconscious process that has been set up a long time ago..... possibly well before you met.
On the therapist front.... there are a LOT of dodgy therapists out there. What you describe about bringing a partner into an already established therapeutic space is fraught with issues. Detailed exploration of the potential problems and discussion with all sides is important because it risks the therapeutic relationship AND the external relationship.
In addition, the therapist should discuss this with their supervisor.... which usually takes time.... so something weird's going on if a therapist agrees during a session for the client to bring their partner to the next session........ there's no time for the therapist to talk through the issues and ethical conflicts with their supervisor.
PS......A competent and ethical therapist will have a supervisor, even if they're a sole practitioner in private practice.
