Homeless(?) By Choice

[I_will_recover]

Hi folks. I'm suffering from complex ptsd after be molested as a child & an acquaintance rape 6 years ago by a man I considered/called a father. Because of my ptsd I've lost my job, all of my friends (I think them knowing my rapist & seeing me suffer so caused them to suffer as well & they slowly pulled away). I had to leave my dream home in CA. I'm now living with my mother in the state/house I was raised in. She never acknowledges trauma/thinks I'm lazy/feeling sorry for myself & should get over it already. I didn't tell her I was raped for 2 years because our relationship is so shaky. She is hell on wheels & truly frightens me (I'm 40). She comes not from a place of love but fear/intimidation. I'm nervous & hypervigilant partially because of my trauma but mostly because of her. I don't know day to day how she will behave/react to anything (but that's been my whole life). I live in constant fear & misery.

I'm thankfully medicated & have T but he's back in CA & I see once every 2-3 months. I'm not able to get another T because he was with me before & after my rape & is my only constant.

Long story short (I know, too late) I'm thinking about buying a station wagon/van & living in it. Just driving from place to place state to state just to get away from from her. I've got no family (only child, father passed) or friends to go to. I'm a woman & don't feel safe in a shelter setting but I've road tripped in the past and felt safe at KOAs.

I'd like some input from you folks if you're able/willing. Please offer me no prayers - religion is a strong trigger for me).

I can't heal here. I want to heal.
Sorry for the long post and any misspellings.

 

[ladee]

You and I are thinking the same thing...just packing up and traveling... after all, where ever we go, there we are, so we aren't running away from anything, in my case I would feel I was running 'toward' something.... I have things I need to work on, and tho I am in a safe environment... I want some freedom, nature, lots and lots of nature.. meet new people.... Money will be an issue, but it's an issue here too... so no big deal....
Do what you feel is right for you... you and I are grown up, well, sort of, in my case.:playful:
I wish you well on your journey, where ever it takes you. Be safe and find happiness.

 

[Killashandra]

My first thought for you is to remove your self from the toxic relationship with Mother.
If this means living on the road then so be it. My concern is that there would be no set place for you to feel safe and secure.. not that your getting that where you are now.
Have you spoken to your T about this? Is it possible to call them?
I know shelters are filled with people who are in crisis and this is probably something you don't need.and I'm glad that you recognize that too. I'm from a different country and have no idea what KOA means but if you feel safe there then do it. Just make sure you look after you.
I hope this helps.

 

[Anniebananie]

Last June I became homeless, and spent the first 3 weeks in a shelter in Berkeley. I have to say it wasn't as bad as I had feared, but is very regimented and run a bit like a prison or the army. You have to stay out from 9am to 5pm on weekdays, but can stay all day on the weekends. They served breakfast and dinner and I met a lot of wonderful supportive people. They moved me to transitional housing, but I was triggered 24/7 because the neighborhood was very dangerous. I never lived in my car, and honestly, I would be PTSD all over the place if I didn't have a room that has a lock.

Have you applied for SSI? If you have a work history, you can get a decent amount depending on where you live. If you don't, here in CA it's about $900/month and you can make up to $1,000/month on top of that. But it takes a long time..mine took almost a year. I would check out the social services agency near your therapist (maybe your T can help) and they will help you through the process.

You need to have some income to be independent from your family and you might get enough to live in a little cabin in the woods or a funky small town that isn't too expensive.

Hang in there

 

[I_will_recover]

thank you, ladee. Your words help validate my overwhelmed feelings but it's your profile picture that made me feel grounded. I've copied it and will look at it every time I need strength. Thank you.

 

[I_will_recover]

Hello killashandra. I'm headed to CA next week and will talk to my T. I may just show him this post.

 

[Friday]

Hardest things about living out of a car with no source of income are; gas, repairs (esp in winter when you're running the engine for heat, things break), & where to park it to sleep so that you aren't hassled.

 

[Sideways]

Some people find a sense of freedom on the open road, and maybe that fits you. But they're a minority.

Most people who are homeless would rather not be. It seems to be the human condition, but 2 of our most basic needs (not wants, needs) are somewhere safe to belong, and safe people to belong with.

It sounds like in your current situation, you have neither of those things, so it makes sense that your head is throwing this in as an option. Getting "free" from your currently situation makes sense.

But there are always options. And this option, for all that it might have an allure of some sort of freedom, would essentially seal the deal with you remaining isolated and alone. While you would no doubt see places you like, and meet people you like, it wouldn't be home, and they wouldn't be true friends that you can count on.

My sister is obese, and she can make it halfway through a tub of icecream on the back of "I'm fat anyway, might as well enjoy it." Getting healthy is gonna take hard work, and it won't always be fun. But that doesn't mean she should go ahead and seal the deal on remaining overweight by binging.

If you are feeling isolated and without a safe home, then yes, roll up the sleeves and make a change. But maybe tread with some caution on options like this one, which seems likely to just solidfy your isolation.

No matter where you go, you won't ever drive far enough that you will get away from your illness. Perhaps toss up some options that move you towards a place to belong, and people to belong to, rather than further away from that..?

Just thoughts.

 

[digger]

I did this for a while. In some ways it was the best thing I could have done at the time. It got me out of a place and a situation that I honestly think I wouldn't have survived another year living in. I met some good people. I had a bit of breathing space from the whole live to work thing and from other pressures. In other ways it was probably one of the worst things. I ended up in a bad relationship from it as a result. At times it was just f*cking miserable and isolated and lonely. With hindsight there were lots of times I was in dangerous and vulnerable situations from it, but at the time I probably either didn't see that, or didn't care.

When I did it, I was probably at one of the most unstable points in my life and, again with hindsight, what might have been a better option for me would have been to get myself into some proper therapy...I would recommend getting really honest with yourself and assessing why you are doing it and how vulnerable and isolated you might be as a result. Getting away from people and situations that have a negative affect on your life is good, but it's very true that you can't run away from yourself and if you don't sort the 'you' bit out then i think there is a danger of repeating patterns and ending up similarly negative situations again.

If you've got the money to support yourself for a bit and you're doing it for positive reasons then I'd say go for it, but I'd look at it as a short term solution. I had some savings, but for the most part it was hand to mouth living, casual work, busking etc which I don't actually think is a bad way to live for a while, but not always so easy to maintain longer term.

I've met a lot of people along the way who have done similar in various ways. Few have made it a long term thing, especially as a person alone. Most people feel the need to settle at some point.

Do you have a plan of places you want to go, things you want to see? The more you can make it about the places you want to go and the things you want to do, than about the places and people you need to run from, I think the better the chances of it being a positive experience.

Would be interested to hear your Ts take on it.

 

[void]

Hi folks. I'm suffering from complex ptsd after be molested as a child & an acquaintance rape 6 y...

Based on my exp. I would cut all contact with your Abuser(aka Mom:devilish:).
With her you are constantly triggered and dissin. that will not change.
Permanent separation is a good start.
Away from her you can begin to stabilize.
With her..........you already know.

Will you go back to Cali?
Your T. can be an anchor for you.

You are strong, though you feel weak.
I believe in you.:happy:
...I'm glad you are free from religions chains.:happy:

 

[Changing4Best]

I was homeless and living in my car once, but the car died and I ended up in the streets begging for money. For awhile this worked, but after awhile you get exhausted, as there are no days off from begging. It is an endless treadmill. I begged enough money to stay in cheap motels for the night, showered, cooked some mac n cheese or some of those Chinese noodles with the flavor packet and the next day I started over again. It was endless until I got my Di$ability and then I slowly got enough for a security deposit on an apartment and moved in there with NOTHING, no furniture and nothing but the cloths on my back and one set of extra cloths. I used my lump sum payment from Disability to buy furniture with and have slowly put my life back together. I think being homeless may have helped my Disability case though. I got it in about a year without the help of a lawyer. I think it is harder to get it now though. I had a lady from Social Services help me to fill out all the forms and everything. Lawyers take forever. Of course, you need a post office box and a safety deposit box to keep documents in like birth certificates and such. Also cash. I stayed in that one place once I lost my car.

 

[Jet]

My other half and I are eventually the planning on doing this. We have been developing our plan for a while now and are just waiting for the final pieces to fall into place.

Look up Vandwelling online. You would be surprised how many people do this. There is a pretty large Vandwelling community. I belong to a Vandwelling fb group and I know there are others (groups/forums) out there also. Lots of resources/advice can be found on them.

Most of the people I have met (I won't say all because different people are in different situations) consider themselves houseless not homeless and really have no interest in going back to sticks and bricks.