I was a passenger in my boyfriend's car along with us were three of his friends, we were just driving to visit friends who had decided to camp in the countryside overnight. We were all 17yrs old (I´m 47 today).
On our way back everything was normal until all of a sudden the car drove a little bit out of the road and into the loose gravel, I could hear the gravel and could feel a tiny shock in my stomach similar to what you feel when you get badly startled, then it suddenly was ok again for 2 -3 sek, but then the car rolled over and all together it went three rounds of complete rolling over itself and when that happened, everything started happening in slow motion, I saw a piece of glass shooting slowly at me and I had time to think and put my hands in front of my face so I would not get cut, I can remember this like it just happened, I also remember hitting my head somewhere and after that everything went black, I don't know for how long but when I came back to myself I was lying on the floor and the car was upside/down, this was a Range Rover.
I found the door and crawled out and the first thing I saw was one of my boyfriends friend standing there trembling and rigid with fear, all white not able to stumble up a word then he suddenly was gone but later I learned that they found him walking in the open nature in a complete state of shock and he was also suffering from a memory loss when they found him.
Today I think that just moments before I saw him he had seen the horrific scene that I was about to see , but he has no memory of it thank God.
I walked to the other side of the car and there I realized how severity this accident was.
One of his friends was half under the car, it was his upper half that was under, my boyfriend´s head and face were completely covered with blood, I was not able to see if he was alive or not, but I was trying to feel for his breath, but couldn´t feel it, I don´t know why, but he was unconscious, the third friend he was lying beside the road on the other side I couldn´t see him at first but I could hear his weak pain moans but when I found him he was unconscious.
This happened in the middle of the night on a country road and not a car in sight not even far away.
I was the only one with conscious and I seemed to be unhurt.
At this moment I was thinking very clearly, it felt a bit like I was being auto remoted, also I was remembering very fast everything I had learned in my driving school about car accidents and first aid on the scene.
I didn´t feel any shock, in fact, I was in a mental very calm mode that I had never experienced neither before or after I was thinking very fast and crystal clear and I was running around doing everything I could do to help I even remember me trying to lift the car which I couldn´t of course and while this was happening, I was saying over and over to myself shit. shit, shit also I remember breaking into an uncontrollable laughter while looking over the scene and seeing how horrible and surreal this was, I was ashamed about that for many years and didn´t tell anyone.
I don´t know how long time passed until I could see in a distance lights from a car that was approaching us and I began to run towards it and I ran much faster than ever before and when I got closer I could see that this was a bus and in it about 20 people when they saw me waving on the road they stopped and took me inside the bus.
When inside the bus I couldn´t make a sound, I was trying to tell them, but I was crying so much and so intense, I instantly lost all control, but finally I could tell them that just few meters away lies my boyfriend and I think he is dead, they all ran out of the bus immediately, I could hear some of them scream and some of them were in great shock.
I am stopping here describing the scene but this has a sad ending and I write that here below.
The one under the car died, he was crushed by the car to death and my boyfriend that almost died, he broke his skull so badly and was kept asleep for a month because of this brain swelling up and it´s a miracle that he lived, but he is paralysed and has an epilepsy since then and the third one turned out ok but was severely broken in the beginning and kept asleep for 4 days. The one that was found walking aimlessly somewhere out in the open and was suffering a memory loss, he did ok but he was dealing with this memory loss for about a week.
At the hospital we were together in a room and when he heard the news of his friend dying in this accident he fell into state of shock and disbelievebut then just a minute later he started asking why we were at the hospital and if someone was hurt, etc. he told the truth to every question he had. He always had the same shock response and expression of disbelief on his face, then after a minute he started asking the same again.
I didn´t get one scratch, but I am so damaged inside, I have been diagnosed with complex PTSD and with anxiety disorder, but that is also from another traumatizing accident, which is when my father drowned at sea along with the ship crew all together six men, I was 11 years old.
My father´s remains were never found.
MY TRIGGER
The loose gravel is a sure trigger for me, I get like an inner electric shock when I just hear it.
A month before the accident I had my drivers licence and bought myself a car with my father´s heritage, but I have never driven since the accident happened.
I have gotten three panic attacks in my life all of them happened a car.
PDTS has ruined my life and I mean that literally and I have dealt with various PTDS syndromes and this has caused me so much pain and trouble.
I am also diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and having catastrophic thoughts about accidents waiting to happen or someone dying for me. I am sometimes able to control this and push it behind, but when I lose control to the anxiety I become extremely afraid about my loved once and on a really bad day I might ring around 20 times during the day and the evening and I am just ringing my mom t but when I lose control to the anxiety I am so afraid about my loved once that ringing my mom or husband 20 times checking if it´s ok and if someone was going on the road to travel I couldn´t sleep from all the worries.
Losing control happens rarly today compared to how it used to be.
I am just bits and pieces from this and that, I am just a big tangle from the crisis in my life.
On our way back everything was normal until all of a sudden the car drove a little bit out of the road and into the loose gravel, I could hear the gravel and could feel a tiny shock in my stomach similar to what you feel when you get badly startled, then it suddenly was ok again for 2 -3 sek, but then the car rolled over and all together it went three rounds of complete rolling over itself and when that happened, everything started happening in slow motion, I saw a piece of glass shooting slowly at me and I had time to think and put my hands in front of my face so I would not get cut, I can remember this like it just happened, I also remember hitting my head somewhere and after that everything went black, I don't know for how long but when I came back to myself I was lying on the floor and the car was upside/down, this was a Range Rover.
I found the door and crawled out and the first thing I saw was one of my boyfriends friend standing there trembling and rigid with fear, all white not able to stumble up a word then he suddenly was gone but later I learned that they found him walking in the open nature in a complete state of shock and he was also suffering from a memory loss when they found him.
Today I think that just moments before I saw him he had seen the horrific scene that I was about to see , but he has no memory of it thank God.
I walked to the other side of the car and there I realized how severity this accident was.
One of his friends was half under the car, it was his upper half that was under, my boyfriend´s head and face were completely covered with blood, I was not able to see if he was alive or not, but I was trying to feel for his breath, but couldn´t feel it, I don´t know why, but he was unconscious, the third friend he was lying beside the road on the other side I couldn´t see him at first but I could hear his weak pain moans but when I found him he was unconscious.
This happened in the middle of the night on a country road and not a car in sight not even far away.
I was the only one with conscious and I seemed to be unhurt.
At this moment I was thinking very clearly, it felt a bit like I was being auto remoted, also I was remembering very fast everything I had learned in my driving school about car accidents and first aid on the scene.
I didn´t feel any shock, in fact, I was in a mental very calm mode that I had never experienced neither before or after I was thinking very fast and crystal clear and I was running around doing everything I could do to help I even remember me trying to lift the car which I couldn´t of course and while this was happening, I was saying over and over to myself shit. shit, shit also I remember breaking into an uncontrollable laughter while looking over the scene and seeing how horrible and surreal this was, I was ashamed about that for many years and didn´t tell anyone.
I don´t know how long time passed until I could see in a distance lights from a car that was approaching us and I began to run towards it and I ran much faster than ever before and when I got closer I could see that this was a bus and in it about 20 people when they saw me waving on the road they stopped and took me inside the bus.
When inside the bus I couldn´t make a sound, I was trying to tell them, but I was crying so much and so intense, I instantly lost all control, but finally I could tell them that just few meters away lies my boyfriend and I think he is dead, they all ran out of the bus immediately, I could hear some of them scream and some of them were in great shock.
I am stopping here describing the scene but this has a sad ending and I write that here below.
The one under the car died, he was crushed by the car to death and my boyfriend that almost died, he broke his skull so badly and was kept asleep for a month because of this brain swelling up and it´s a miracle that he lived, but he is paralysed and has an epilepsy since then and the third one turned out ok but was severely broken in the beginning and kept asleep for 4 days. The one that was found walking aimlessly somewhere out in the open and was suffering a memory loss, he did ok but he was dealing with this memory loss for about a week.
At the hospital we were together in a room and when he heard the news of his friend dying in this accident he fell into state of shock and disbelievebut then just a minute later he started asking why we were at the hospital and if someone was hurt, etc. he told the truth to every question he had. He always had the same shock response and expression of disbelief on his face, then after a minute he started asking the same again.
I didn´t get one scratch, but I am so damaged inside, I have been diagnosed with complex PTSD and with anxiety disorder, but that is also from another traumatizing accident, which is when my father drowned at sea along with the ship crew all together six men, I was 11 years old.
My father´s remains were never found.
MY TRIGGER
The loose gravel is a sure trigger for me, I get like an inner electric shock when I just hear it.
A month before the accident I had my drivers licence and bought myself a car with my father´s heritage, but I have never driven since the accident happened.
I have gotten three panic attacks in my life all of them happened a car.
PDTS has ruined my life and I mean that literally and I have dealt with various PTDS syndromes and this has caused me so much pain and trouble.
I am also diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and having catastrophic thoughts about accidents waiting to happen or someone dying for me. I am sometimes able to control this and push it behind, but when I lose control to the anxiety I become extremely afraid about my loved once and on a really bad day I might ring around 20 times during the day and the evening and I am just ringing my mom t but when I lose control to the anxiety I am so afraid about my loved once that ringing my mom or husband 20 times checking if it´s ok and if someone was going on the road to travel I couldn´t sleep from all the worries.
Losing control happens rarly today compared to how it used to be.
I am just bits and pieces from this and that, I am just a big tangle from the crisis in my life.
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