Bookoffee
Platinum Member
I have been in the hospital for the past week or so. I had to go, the images and urges of cutting my throat were too much to bare. My medication needed to be adjusted.
While I was there I was able to recognize that I am overwhelming myself with trying to get medical documentation that I was sexualy abused before the age of five, I wanted my reports from when I was raped at 17 and the police evidence, I want the hospital documentation on how bad my uterus and cervix were damaged so they had to be removed.
I started to think that maybe if they see the proof, they will forgive me, love me and accept me back into their family. I couldn’t come to reality that they will never accept me, love me or support me. They never had in the past, so why start now.
I need to let go of the obsession that one day I will be a family with my biological family, that they will believe me and help me through this suffering. I now need to accept that I have a new family to trust, love, and let into my world. It is time to say goodbye to the abuse addicting family. It is as though I am cutting off my air supply.
I am back in the hospitalization program so they can help me let go of the past and the fear I carry from my biological family. My phone and internet have been shut off because my disability still hasn’t pay us. They only time I can come to the board is when I am brave enough to walk to library on my own or when my wife is home to take me.
While I was there I was able to recognize that I am overwhelming myself with trying to get medical documentation that I was sexualy abused before the age of five, I wanted my reports from when I was raped at 17 and the police evidence, I want the hospital documentation on how bad my uterus and cervix were damaged so they had to be removed.
I started to think that maybe if they see the proof, they will forgive me, love me and accept me back into their family. I couldn’t come to reality that they will never accept me, love me or support me. They never had in the past, so why start now.
I need to let go of the obsession that one day I will be a family with my biological family, that they will believe me and help me through this suffering. I now need to accept that I have a new family to trust, love, and let into my world. It is time to say goodbye to the abuse addicting family. It is as though I am cutting off my air supply.
I am back in the hospitalization program so they can help me let go of the past and the fear I carry from my biological family. My phone and internet have been shut off because my disability still hasn’t pay us. They only time I can come to the board is when I am brave enough to walk to library on my own or when my wife is home to take me.
