My name is Noelle, my trauma began Friday the 13nth (of all days 2010 when my coworker/landlord called in terror to come home now, "ITS ALL BURNING UP!!". I worked 5 min from home, so within a few moments I was parked in front of my home of near 20 years ablaze. I had a very screwed up childhood, so when I moved out I planted roots and really 'dug in', through the 'mini' traumas I've gone through in my adult life, the one thing I've been calmed and warmed by is that I had my home.
My friends and family were VERY supportive, for awhile I jumped around from friends houses, then stayed in the trailer that ins. provided to my landlords. What I didn't REALLY know those first few months was that I was in shock! Just a few short months later I met my current fiancée, and it wasn't long that she asked me to move in. I went from my suburban warm home to the CITY. Through this time it's taken what seems like forever to realize I have PTSD and though I may have been able to better 'deal' if the past couple years were 'simpler', instead they have been filled with other obstacles that seem to have kept me in a sort of 'survivor mode', a good deal of the time I feel immobilized and unable to get 'normal' things done in life. I am finally sort of coming out of the haze I was in, and when I look in the mirror I know the 'me' I was is in there, but I can't seem to reach her. I used to be able to have emotions, tears came regularly in a healthy way, but now, my feelings are just numb, both happiness and sadness wise. I miss myself, it's effecting my love life, I want to be the 'best me' not only for myself but for my fiancée who deserves the doting, loving and emotional partner I know I have been.
I have finally found a trauma therapist, I'm going to an ACOA meeting Sunday, I'm seeking (finally) the support I need, I miss human connection, I miss being able to share experience with others, but few people have watched their lives go up in flames...or have PTSD or major trauma. At least not people I come across. I need help, I need connection! I noticed people searching for a 'PTSD support in BOSTON' which I would gladly participate in if it's here!
Please help, and know I am very good at listening as well!
My best to you all, and look forward to meeting you!
Very sincerely,
Noelle
My friends and family were VERY supportive, for awhile I jumped around from friends houses, then stayed in the trailer that ins. provided to my landlords. What I didn't REALLY know those first few months was that I was in shock! Just a few short months later I met my current fiancée, and it wasn't long that she asked me to move in. I went from my suburban warm home to the CITY. Through this time it's taken what seems like forever to realize I have PTSD and though I may have been able to better 'deal' if the past couple years were 'simpler', instead they have been filled with other obstacles that seem to have kept me in a sort of 'survivor mode', a good deal of the time I feel immobilized and unable to get 'normal' things done in life. I am finally sort of coming out of the haze I was in, and when I look in the mirror I know the 'me' I was is in there, but I can't seem to reach her. I used to be able to have emotions, tears came regularly in a healthy way, but now, my feelings are just numb, both happiness and sadness wise. I miss myself, it's effecting my love life, I want to be the 'best me' not only for myself but for my fiancée who deserves the doting, loving and emotional partner I know I have been.
I have finally found a trauma therapist, I'm going to an ACOA meeting Sunday, I'm seeking (finally) the support I need, I miss human connection, I miss being able to share experience with others, but few people have watched their lives go up in flames...or have PTSD or major trauma. At least not people I come across. I need help, I need connection! I noticed people searching for a 'PTSD support in BOSTON' which I would gladly participate in if it's here!
Please help, and know I am very good at listening as well!
My best to you all, and look forward to meeting you!
Very sincerely,
Noelle
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