How A Person Emotional Blackmails People

[simplekindofgirl]

SoulofLC- so perfectly said!

the more someone is in your face about how flawed you are how dysfunctional or whatever, the more that person is struggling with themselves.

Oh my goodness, thats exactly how it is for me! And not just from the abusers- but from the supporters as well, unintentionally of course. My significant other says things such as "you look miserable,I am not making you happy.", "Youre too thin, your bony and bony isn't sexy." and after the first 20 times he manages to put it in my face- reminds me the of what I am going through and what I am up against, and in turn makes it about himself taking away from what I am challenged with.

What an unbelievable balancing act! There should be a book, and there may be one- How to suffer with PTSD and be a supporter for your supporter affected by your PTSD.

It is a long road, but it is worth traveling down- because there is light somewhere at the end. Hugs to you!

 

[Sandra]

From the same book.

Like the spin, pathologizing makes us unsure about our memories, our judgment, our intelligence and our character. But with pathologizing, the stakes are even higher. This tool can make us doubt our very sanity.

 

[Sandra]

From the same book.

Wisdom resonates differently in each of us, and none of us can claim a monopoly on it, but we can count on blackmailers to insist, by pulling selective quotes, comments, teachings and writings from a host of sources, that there is just one truth: theirs.

Oh boy can I ever relate to that comment.

 

[simplekindofgirl]

Oh wow- reading that post, I actually gasped. That is exactly what it was like. Need to catch my breath....

 

[Sandra]

I hear you Simplekindofgirl. That one sure hit me too like a ton of bricks. Hugs for you.

 

[simplekindofgirl]

Hugs to you too. Sandra- that book- it brings me to tears. Usually I can read right on through from start to end in one sitting no matter how many pages it contains, but this one gets me to the very core. I cant do it, I have to read a few lines and put it down.

It has validated every thought that I had about the friend that did this to me- and all the while I had thought that it was me that had been the cause, that I had "played the victim" because I had hurt him, self blame kind of thing- and even though I knew somewhere in me that what he did was wrong- dead wrong- I still held myself accountable. And when I tried to end the friendship, he wouldn't allow it, and he actually blackmailed me- not just emotional blackmail. But that was how he held me hostage in between blackmails, was with emotional blackmail.

I needed this book more than you know! Thank you so much for starting this thread and for continuing to share it.

 

[Martin Taylor]

Yup.

 

[Sandra]

I hear you loud and clear Simplekindofgirl. It makes it so difficult too when one is facing their fears and feelings etc which at times is hard to do, or don't want to do. And I don't think we are ever ready but sometimes we must bite bullet and be strong enough to do just that.

And yes I really felt this thread was needed. And I hope I am helping others with this issue, as well as myself.

 

[Sandra]

Hugs for you too Martin.

 

[soulofLC]

My significant other says things such as "you look miserable,I am not making you happy.", "Youre too thin, your bony and bony isn't sexy." and after the first 20 times he manages to put it in my face- reminds me the of what I am going through and what I am up against, and in turn makes it about himself taking away from what I am challenged with.

I am so sorry you are having these issues with your significant other. Perhaps if he is open to it, you could suggest that he join the supporter section of this forum to gain more insight (and get support for himself; sounds like he feels guilty and somehow responsible, but I am only guessing here) into what you are dealing with. Big hugs back to you.

 

[Sandra]

One has to want to help themselves though SoulofLC. So many abusers are in such denial. Or just aren't adult enough to face the truth.

 

[soulofLC]

How true Sandra. That is so hard to understand and accept, but I know you are right.