How A Therapist Should Not Treat You While Ongoing Trauma

[emmat]

Have you considered writing a private diary Blackpearl? That way the rest of the forum wouldn't see it to comment on and you can vent in peace.

Good luck on your journey

 

[blackpearl]

No, you know what.
I did go there because I've got problems with my anger, OK. But I don't see the point in their way to treat me. That's all.

I didn't get better - I got worse.

If they trigger me, when they "know" what they are doing they can not at the same time blame on me or threaten by calling the cops. That's not the problem that I wouldn't know the social behavior - I really had problems with controlling my anger, that was what I was there for, to learn to control it.

They didn't help me directly... that's what this is about. Nothing else.
If they think I would feel guilt and change... *lol* No ? ...

I've already written that they've treated me like this in years and come nowhere with me. They where not helping, they where abusing and playing my head - kinda torturing. I was In BAD BAD shape when I came there.

 

[catjudo]

If you've been seeing this/these therapists for years and feel that they have not helped you and that their methods are abusive then find a new therapist. But stop trying to justify what you did and make it seem like pushing someone is acceptable.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I agree 100%, and believe that blackpearl needs to look at her attitude, behavior, and read back over these post to see that no one is agreeing with her. There has to be a reason for that. When we can step back, and objectively look at our behavior, how it affects those around us, and how it affects ourselves, then we can get a much better handle on what we need to focus on and change....

 

[blackpearl]

Have I said that it's right of me to beat anybody ? No.
You are not talking about what I am.

My thread is about how therapists should not treat anybody who has problems with anger.
It just doesn't help. At least not me.

They can't and never will learn me anything by pounishing me for my anger what is caused by my traumas.
Do you understand. This thread is not about whether it is right or wrong to get loose on anybody.

Why all this banal advices, I think I know how i should act as cured, but since I'm not. Cant help it.
It doesn't mean I think it's legal just that it's useless to upset me to the point just to say "Hey, now you get too *dangerous* we'll call after..."

 

[Deleted member 541]

What I think you are failing to see is the fact that if you didn't have an anger issue to begin with, then what your therapist said to you, you could have TALKED about, or possibly just said screw it and walked out WITHOUT pushing her. You don't seem to understand that your anger is getting in the way of allowing you to heal. Holding onto the anger only STOPS you from moving forward. What are you so angry about that you feel justified to lash out, and push someone??????

 

[blackpearl]

Of course you are right She Cat. As cured I should be calm as ice, but I'm not there yet. :-) And this thread is about one thing that happened with this therapists for long time ago. I just wanted to bring up something I find unjust and upset me while I came to think about it.

No, Actually I had no choice to walk away and leave. I had to, to get where I am today...
I also had some responsibilities in my life... it's not that simple.

I did not tend to do anything at her, it just happened. It was a very strong body reaction, not anything I was able to choose at that very moment when I did push her. Do you understand ?
But I managed to control my self by doing no more when I saw her fall backwards (not even hurting herself). When I got aware of my impulse and "came back" from the blackout I of course did everything in my power to not continue. And I did not.

You should know how this works... never mind. It's not about what is OK or not OK.

Opposite from you I need to get rid of the anger so it doesn't eat me up alive. It's different for everyone... but I understand it's hard for you to say the right things because you don't know me or my situation in whole. Otherwise you are right that anger is not so comfortable to live with n I agree....

 

[Deleted member 541]

But you have the power within you to change, and that is what I am trying to convey to you in all of this. YOU hold the cards to look at your behavior, and to change where you need to. This wasn't about putting you down, or jumping in your shit, I was only hoping that you could *see* that your anger is the root of what happened. If you dig deep enough, you will figure out what is causing the anger, and then find a way to deal with it, in a healthy manner...

It doesn't matter if she was hurt or not, the fact is, that you pushed her, and that is never acceptable behavior. Sorry, I know the truth hurts, but it's important that you see the truth first so that you can believe it.....

 

[blackpearl]

She Cat, yes we all do have that power if we get a chance and if we have the will. Therapy was not for me tho under such circumstances that's all I basically have to say concerning this thread.

I don't talk about reactions that is in hands of your control. This is not the same that is developed from feelings, this is directly from the reptile brain and a overloaded nerve system. That part you cant help for the very moment you do react. But I understand what you mean tho and it's true. It's something one has to work on and give all to it to come by the anger and so on.

That is what therapy should be for, not torturing and trying to teach how to behave when it is not in my hands if they provoke me to my climax. That's not right.

I happen to know more of my traumas than they do. I never got a chance to tell. I know why I act like that, but I don't know how to control that specific anger. Am I about to be an soldier or what ? No. So what are they asking me, pushing me to the very limit. I'm not a superman ff sake.

It matters that I didn't beat her up totally, doesn't it ? Yes, thank you.
I know my strength also. Do better your self if you can in my shoes.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Have you thought about possibly doing anger management classes???? I have heard from a few people I know, that have done the classes and it has help them tremendously. Just something to think about......

When you feel yourself getting angry, TRY to stop for a second and figure out exactly WHAT you are feeling. Anger just doesn't happen, it is a direct result of another emotion that you haven't acknowledged, don't know how to deal with. Examining what you are feeling at that moment will help you to deal better....

NO, it doesn't matter that you didn't beat the snot out of her, violence of any nature is just not acceptable. You are still trying to justify what you did, and I'm sorry, but it isn't acceptable behavior at all. You are still full of anger, and are using that to justify what you did.

Keep working at this, and you will see a change, it will be slow and hard, but it can happen. One last thing....You ARE in control of your anger, you just don't want to see that right now.........

 

[ams]

Something important to mention here: abuse IS a cycle. No matter how long the honeymoon stage, and the buildup stage takes, there WILL be another explosion. Unless you take control of your anger, it's like a ticking timebomb.

 

[blackpearl]

Yes. It's good that there is many different methods out there. Maybe something else would have suited me better than the method I was treated with. I'm better now than for example two ears ago when this happened. I'm not put in such situation anymore and then I'm fine. :-) That feels real nice today.