illusionist
Diamond Member
Exactly right. People can suggest or help guide, but the choice is totally up to the person themselves.
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Because that's how PTSD works.
We get stressed, or get hit with triggers or stressors, and get hit with symptoms.
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- #15
D
Deleted member 28740
Confused also. You have PTSD, or your friend, or both of you?
Sounds like you are in treatment.
More confusion. Help yourself first. Opening up to someone is OPEN. Mind stuff of how do they think of me, judge me, relate to me now? Trust and respect being sorted out.
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- Post starter
- #16
D
Deleted member 33287
My friend is the one with PTSD. I am a proud burnt out X supporter
How long have you been friends?
Intimate friendship or plutonic?
She's trusted you with something big for her, she will regret, back out and avoid anything that causes the memory to resurface. You aren't a trigger, but a reminder of her feelings.
Send her a text or email, tell her that you feel honored that she trusted you enough to share with you.
That it doesn't make you think less of her, in fact more because of her strength in telling you.
Make sure she knows that she has nothing to be ashamed of and that you understand her need to take some time to process.
I recently shared things with my husband that id kept inside all my life.
As soon as I closed my mouth, I realised id said more than I should have. More came out than intended and some things I said I hadn't even allowed myself to THINK yet.
I couldn't look him in the eye for days.
I felt like now he knew this, that part of me so raw I couldn't even share with me, surely he would see that I'm not who he thought, really some awful disgusting creature that deserved nothing more from him.
Even though my logical mind told me it was ridiculous, and he actually said that it wasn't as bad as some of the things he'd imagined before knowing, and reassured me it changed nothing, that little part of me so ashamed and humiliated kept saying to my brain 'oh mate, you've done it now, he will be out of here first chance'
That was the end of me emotionally for more days than I've ever retreated before.
And when I finally came out of detachment, I started a tonne of shit fights. To give him a reason to leave, to justify what I believed he thought of me, to avoid having to talk about it again.
Honestly, I dont even know why.
Happens each time I touch on a raw nerve, I HAVE to withdraw at that point, it happens regardless of how hard I try not let it.
Part of me thinks its like pushing back against the healing aspect of sharing.
A one step forward, two back kinda deal.
Hopefully your friendship is strong enough to withstand her withdrawal and when she wraps her head around it all she will be ready for the next step forward.
Intimate friendship or plutonic?
She's trusted you with something big for her, she will regret, back out and avoid anything that causes the memory to resurface. You aren't a trigger, but a reminder of her feelings.
Send her a text or email, tell her that you feel honored that she trusted you enough to share with you.
That it doesn't make you think less of her, in fact more because of her strength in telling you.
Make sure she knows that she has nothing to be ashamed of and that you understand her need to take some time to process.
I recently shared things with my husband that id kept inside all my life.
As soon as I closed my mouth, I realised id said more than I should have. More came out than intended and some things I said I hadn't even allowed myself to THINK yet.
I couldn't look him in the eye for days.
I felt like now he knew this, that part of me so raw I couldn't even share with me, surely he would see that I'm not who he thought, really some awful disgusting creature that deserved nothing more from him.
Even though my logical mind told me it was ridiculous, and he actually said that it wasn't as bad as some of the things he'd imagined before knowing, and reassured me it changed nothing, that little part of me so ashamed and humiliated kept saying to my brain 'oh mate, you've done it now, he will be out of here first chance'
That was the end of me emotionally for more days than I've ever retreated before.
And when I finally came out of detachment, I started a tonne of shit fights. To give him a reason to leave, to justify what I believed he thought of me, to avoid having to talk about it again.
Honestly, I dont even know why.
Happens each time I touch on a raw nerve, I HAVE to withdraw at that point, it happens regardless of how hard I try not let it.
Part of me thinks its like pushing back against the healing aspect of sharing.
A one step forward, two back kinda deal.
Hopefully your friendship is strong enough to withstand her withdrawal and when she wraps her head around it all she will be ready for the next step forward.
- Post starter
- #18
D
Deleted member 33287
You provided much insight and clarity
- Post starter
- #19
D
Deleted member 33287
Why have you told that specific person that about your trauma? Asking because is there a rhyme or reason of why someone would tell that person?
EveHarrington
VIP Member
Maybe you're testing them.
Maybe you have a smidgen of trust in them.
Maybe you're in the verbal diarrhea stage of healing where you tell your trauma to everyone who will listen. Cable guy. Ups man. Bank teller. Fast food clerk. Etc.
Maybe you have a smidgen of trust in them.
Maybe you're in the verbal diarrhea stage of healing where you tell your trauma to everyone who will listen. Cable guy. Ups man. Bank teller. Fast food clerk. Etc.
For me? A few reasons.
Some because he had trusted me first with things that cause him to feel vulnerable.
Some was a slip, I had intended to share yeah, but once I started it was like it wouldn't stop and before I knew it, id said it all.
And lastly, perhaps most importantly, it was time.
I've been opening up these old wounds slowly for a few months, I'm ready to heal, and my husband is my greatest source of strength and motivation for that.
Its pretty apparent to me that until I get it all out, I wont be able to put it in a logical context without my own preconditioned bias getting in the way and holding me back from forgiving myself for it.
StillStella
New Here
Oh my God, this just happened to me today and I have been in a complete melt down. I have kept this bottled up. I sold my house, moved off the continent, I changed jobs I completely rearranged my world....and I thought it was gone, so long as I don't talk about to anyone. And last night I stumbled across a pic on fb and that set me off a bit. I was in a funk today and I talked about it for the first time in years. Now I am completely undone. I can't explain it. It's like the past 9 years just disappeared and everything is right there again. I'm a little freaked out -
StillStella
New Here
I am so there. I actually deactivated down my fb page today. I feel myself withdrawing.
- Post starter
- #24
D
Deleted member 33287
StillStella hope you are doing well. I'd love to hear what's running through your mind
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