How Can I Help My Boyfriend Understand?

[99Phoenix99]

That's great! I'm glad things went off well! What a relief that must be :)

And... history shows you say? How much of a history buff are we talking about? I ask because I am a pretty big history person myself. I'm majoring in History with a concentration of Chinese History. So.... I COULD potentially help in that field haha. Depending on how much he's into history and what specific era/continent he's into you could a lot of things. Museums are always a lovely place to go. Finding lectures at local colleges are always interesting. Let's see, if he's into it local historical sites you could do that, there's just about always a historical society in every area. They're always pleased to talk to someone. Hahha sorry I'm a little into history if you haven't guessed. If it's more of a let's stay in deal there's a really great show on the History channel that's just started. It's called Vikings. And fear not. It's not a documentary. It's one of the first of a new string of shows they're airing. It's a historically based drama. All the episodes are streamed online on history channel .com I'm pretty sure it's advertised on the main page you can't miss it.

AND he likes Disney?! What a catch! Lucky gal :P There's that new movie called the Croods that just came out. That's ... Pixar I think? It has good reviews. Oh, marathon of Lion King, Lion King 1.5, Lion King 2? You're options are endless.

But most of all I'm glad you two seemed to have cleared the air. That's really great. Even more so that he agreed to go to a counseling session. That'll be really good. But I'll just say from experience he may not even know what to ask. I went to a family session once and my parents just sat there wide eyed not really knowing what to say or do. Making a plan ahead of time with your therapist about what it is you want to convey to him the most would probably really help.

Again, I'm wicked glad things have gone well for you. Keep on trucking lady! And anytime I can help, no worries :)

Best.


P.S. That is a HUGE height difference ahahahah

 

[KimmerM]

He actually has that show DVRed, and The Bible also. We have watched the history channel together before and I am into history as well but not as much as him. I love to listen to what he knows and him teaching me something I never knew. We live in a city that has a lot of history. I am not afraid to say where it is. I live in the St. Louis area, so we have the Arch, Union Station, Forest Park with all the museums, botanical gardens and more. We have a lot in the city that is historical I am think maybe do some research and find a historical site that he has never been to before.

He did mention maybe going to see a movie and I will let him pick. I know I can be picky when it comes to movies but if we do that I will let him pick it.

He did call me a minute ago and I know that he is still stressed with this. I am glad we cleared the air and that we are moving forward to fix things. But he still sounds rather upset still, and this for some reason still upsets me. I want the old him back the one I had 3 weeks before this bout of insecurity hit me. I hate that I have done that. I did write a letter to him stating that I was sorry and stated that I felt bad and that I want nothing more than for use to work this out. I also stated in that letter what a wonderful man he is. I quote that I stated he was sweet, caring, compassionate, understanding person with a big heart. I also went on to state that he was right when he said last night on the phone that we do mesh well together and we can be that again. I also went on to state that I want to get back to that and that I will prove it to him somehow and I know he will too. Like you said the little things count and I know they do. I want to do little things for him to show that I care for him and that he is important. He is most likely at this time reading he letter that I wrote him. He said he will text me in the morning at our normal time and that he will llet me now what he thought about it. I pray that he likes it a lot. It was more to tell him that I care dearly for him and I know that I have gotten away from that and that it will change for the good.

One thing he has done is that he has brought me out my shell. He is the first relationship in years. So it is new to me again. He agreed with me on when I said I know relationships are tough but ours is even tougher with my PTSD. He stated yes it is. He asked about 2 weeks into the relationship why or how I would break down and I told him that I would be trigger by something that would upset me. My counselor and I are hitting on the triggers now and we are figuring those out and how I can overcome them when they happen. I know our relationship is different because of the PTSD but I think that he has seen past it and seen the real me before it and sees what a wonderful loving caring person I can be. I know that it scares me letting him in and letting him see me. I just hope that he like the letter and that he sees that I am really here for him and want to be. I am glad he and I are on the road to relationship happiness again. I won't give up on this relationship.

And yes I am a shorty compared to him. It is quite funny when goes to kiss me sometimes, he has to bend over some to reach me. He is tall and that is one thing that I like about him. You should have seen us when we were by the Arch last weekend after we attended Bacon Fest....Yes Bacon Fest! I was standing on the top of the stairs and he was standing on the lower one and I said this is tallest I will ever be compared to you and he laughed and picked me up and threw me over his shoulder and walked away to get back on the metro to get home. But our height difference is a funny one but I think it is cute in the end!

Again a thank you is in order!
:)

 

[99Phoenix99]

I hope you had a good weekend!

 

[KimmerM]

It was horrible...we broke due to a BIG fight we had on Friday. It was due to alcohol being drank on his part. I tried to calm him down due to being in a public place and basically I had fallen due to being tripped and everyone around thought he had pushed me down and he is angry with me feels defeated by this. He didn't touch me at all in a horrible way. After that we wanted me leave him alone and I didn't do that.

It was just a bad night and he is clearly upset by that night. We talked yesterday in person and he needs his space from me. He still wants to be friends and hang out every once in a while and would like for us to be again but can't right now. I am hurt and upset by this. We hit this rough patch I know that he and I are good together. I just want all this pain to go away. I feel like I am losing the man I should be with. I know that he has a lot of stress going on in his life with roommate and money issues. But last night when I was about to leave. He was holding and hugging me tight as I was crying and he was about to cry himself. He kept saying Babe I am sorry it has to be like this. I just don't know what to think or feel. I am hurting and I feel broken without him. I know that it will get better with or without him. I just want to pain to leave and be ok soon.

But yes my weekend was no good at all.

 

[99Phoenix99]

*hugs* I'm so sorry.

I think the best thing you could do right now is be with people you can trust and lean on. Don't make any decisions right now but be with people who can comfort you.

With my ex I was horribly upset when things ended. He still wanted to be friends, but with the way things ended I wasn't so sure. I took a month to myself before I talked to him again because I knew if I did talk to him I would just be too confliccted to make a decision.

Ultimately with myfriends and a LOT of crying I devcided it would be better for ME if we weren't friends. He was really upset and I si was I, but I HAD to let him go. I just couldn't deal with it anymore. It still upsets me thinking about it. It was the first time I've ever cut someone out of my life like that. But I know I made the right decision. It helped putting things in perspective. We had only dated for 4 months. I lived without him all these years, I could live without him even after. It sounds awful, but I couldn't have that destructiveness in my life. Now after about about a year I can look back with longing yes, but mostly with a smile. I loved it when we were together but we weren't meant to last. We just weren't on the same page.

Now I'm not saying that's your case. But I really feel for you. It's... It's heartbreaking. Take this time right now before you talk to him again to comfort yourself. SPOIL YOURSELF. Try to find ways to laugh with others. You deserve it and need it.

I wish I could say or do more... If you want to chat more you know where to find me.

 

[KimmerM]

Yea I am heart broken for sure, he has been texting me all day today so far til a little but ago. I know he is either at the gym or going to bed, but who knows. He said that he doesn't want it like this but then why be like it? We should be together and fix this. Because to me it is fixable. I hate this feeling of not having in my life. He said that he needs time and again I will give that to him even though I don't. He said that he won't and wouldn't forget all he wonderful times we had. I said that we could have more wonderful time if he would give me the chance to prove to him that I want this and that I would make up for what happened. My heart is just aching because I miss him and I miss us. I just miss the feeling of having him there and being there. We hit ONE HUGE bump in the road and he throws in the towel. This is fixable but why can't he see it that way?

 

[99Phoenix99]

He probably can't see the forest for the trees. If anything it sounds like he's all over the place and doesn't know what he wants. He said he wanted space yet he's been texting you all day?

I'm confused at this even though I'm just an observer. He says one thing but does something else... he's not very decisive in the least right now.

For your sanity and his I would just point blank him on some specifics so you can at least get a footing on where you are. That way you can at least know if you're broken up or not, or on a break. and if you are on a break what are the stipulations.

So I guess you'd need to ask
1. Despite what happened do you still want to be together?
2. If yes- how do we fix it? What do you need? And list what you would need in return
3. If on a break- is that a promise to get back together? Or just a maybe? when on this break will you still stay monogamous to me? And vice versa.

I'm very pragmatic... To a fault even, that's why this kind of seems like a formula. But in my head that's the best way to get to a solution to see where you two stand. Being stuck in that maybe/I dunno limbo is absolute hell.