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General Freakout - How Can I Help Get Him Back To His Normal?


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Hello all. My husband has ptsd and is prone to what we call “freak outs”, where he loses control in anger.. I feel that he is on the verge of a freakout and not sure what to do.. he has been angry, irritated and finding fault with everything..how can I help to get him back to his normal without having a freak out?
Do you have a level of communication where you are able to say something like, “It seems like you are on the verge of a freak out and I’m not sure what to do. How can I help you regulate?”
When my guy is like that nothing I say or do is going to be right. It's pointless for me to engage because it just adds fuel to the fire. So the only thing I can do is take myself out of the situation until he's able to regulate himself. I give space.

When I can see the "freak out " coming?? I know my little questions ("what do you want for dinner? How was your day? Do you need any laundry done?" etc... ) are TOO much for him so... I give space. It's done out of love.

It took a long time and a lot of needles arguments before I figured that out. A lot of times he was looking for a fight and I wasn't going to do it anymore. I told him if he xyz, I'd leave the room, restaurant, party. And I did. Every. Time.

He finally figured out if he wanted to engage with me he better calm his ass down and show some respect or I would walk away.

Nowadays, he usually removes himself.

To answer your question there's nothing I can do to help regulate him. He has to do that on his own. I can only give him the space to do it.

Good luck!
Rage and anger can be very scary and stressful to deal with. Try to stay in a place of safety.

Agree with the above, seems no offer will be the right one as it's often, :What are you against? -> What have you got?"

Hope it improves. I think @LuckiLee has it spot on with boundaries. If you know that's how it always seems to go and they don't see you on their side at that moment, I wouldn't try. Except for soft start ups, and saying something like Wait, can we start over?

Best wishes to you and welcome.
Taking Amanita Muscaria - legal mushroom that is not psychoactive completely stopped those freaks puts or ‘rage episodes’ that my partner was triggered with.
another name for those freakouts is, "psychosis." a golden rule from my own support circles is, "never engage a psychosis." engaging a psychosis only gives the psychosis credibility which throws gas on the fire.

detachment and safety are my front-line tools in a psychotic episode, be it my own or someone else's. i run for the safety of my therapy support network. i need help helping others deal with psychotic breaks.

for what it's worth
@OliveJewel 's method of establishing a signal that a sufferer is sliding off the deep end is well-respected in my own therapy circles, but it is not an easy connection to make. it works best when used before the psychosis has had the opportunity to escalate. i am most psychotherapeutically conditioned to respond to the football signal for, "time out" as my signal and i still have a hard time working the signal through the pre-escalation stages of psychosis. once a psychosis is allowed to escalate, it becomes a force of nature all its own. might be easier to stop a tornado. it's best to just run for cover.
In the last 3 months, me and my partner have also used a Whoop strap…you can set an alert for when breathing and hr increases before you notice it - when the alert goes off, he know to stop, meditate or breath and 8/10 stops it going further
You’ve gotten some really good advice. If I’m early enough, I have an agreement with my husband to tell him that he’s obviously « off » but that’s after tons of work and trust and it doesn’t always work.

Be safe. Is he in therapy? Is he working on this with someone?