Hello all. My husband has ptsd and is prone to what we call “freak outs”, where he loses control in anger.. I feel that he is on the verge of a freakout and not sure what to do.. he has been angry, irritated and finding fault with everything..how can I help to get him back to his normal without having a freak out?
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General Freakout - How Can I Help Get Him Back To His Normal?
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Rose White
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Do you have a level of communication where you are able to say something like, “It seems like you are on the verge of a freak out and I’m not sure what to do. How can I help you regulate?”
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Sideways
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Stay safe. First and foremost. If he’s going to blow (and he’s the only one that can stop that), sometimes the only sensible thing to do is get outta Dodge till the storm has passed.
LuckiLee
VIP Member
When my guy is like that nothing I say or do is going to be right. It's pointless for me to engage because it just adds fuel to the fire. So the only thing I can do is take myself out of the situation until he's able to regulate himself. I give space.
When I can see the "freak out " coming?? I know my little questions ("what do you want for dinner? How was your day? Do you need any laundry done?" etc... ) are TOO much for him so... I give space. It's done out of love.
It took a long time and a lot of needles arguments before I figured that out. A lot of times he was looking for a fight and I wasn't going to do it anymore. I told him if he xyz, I'd leave the room, restaurant, party. And I did. Every. Time.
He finally figured out if he wanted to engage with me he better calm his ass down and show some respect or I would walk away.
Nowadays, he usually removes himself.
To answer your question there's nothing I can do to help regulate him. He has to do that on his own. I can only give him the space to do it.
Good luck!
When I can see the "freak out " coming?? I know my little questions ("what do you want for dinner? How was your day? Do you need any laundry done?" etc... ) are TOO much for him so... I give space. It's done out of love.
It took a long time and a lot of needles arguments before I figured that out. A lot of times he was looking for a fight and I wasn't going to do it anymore. I told him if he xyz, I'd leave the room, restaurant, party. And I did. Every. Time.
He finally figured out if he wanted to engage with me he better calm his ass down and show some respect or I would walk away.
Nowadays, he usually removes himself.
To answer your question there's nothing I can do to help regulate him. He has to do that on his own. I can only give him the space to do it.
Good luck!
Rage and anger can be very scary and stressful to deal with. Try to stay in a place of safety.
Agree with the above, seems no offer will be the right one as it's often, :What are you against? -> What have you got?"
Hope it improves. I think @LuckiLee has it spot on with boundaries. If you know that's how it always seems to go and they don't see you on their side at that moment, I wouldn't try. Except for soft start ups, and saying something like Wait, can we start over?
Best wishes to you and welcome.
Agree with the above, seems no offer will be the right one as it's often, :What are you against? -> What have you got?"
Hope it improves. I think @LuckiLee has it spot on with boundaries. If you know that's how it always seems to go and they don't see you on their side at that moment, I wouldn't try. Except for soft start ups, and saying something like Wait, can we start over?
Best wishes to you and welcome.
arfie
Diamond Member
another name for those freakouts is, "psychosis." a golden rule from my own support circles is, "never engage a psychosis." engaging a psychosis only gives the psychosis credibility which throws gas on the fire.
detachment and safety are my front-line tools in a psychotic episode, be it my own or someone else's. i run for the safety of my therapy support network. i need help helping others deal with psychotic breaks.
for what it's worth
@OliveJewel 's method of establishing a signal that a sufferer is sliding off the deep end is well-respected in my own therapy circles, but it is not an easy connection to make. it works best when used before the psychosis has had the opportunity to escalate. i am most psychotherapeutically conditioned to respond to the football signal for, "time out" as my signal and i still have a hard time working the signal through the pre-escalation stages of psychosis. once a psychosis is allowed to escalate, it becomes a force of nature all its own. might be easier to stop a tornado. it's best to just run for cover.
detachment and safety are my front-line tools in a psychotic episode, be it my own or someone else's. i run for the safety of my therapy support network. i need help helping others deal with psychotic breaks.
for what it's worth
@OliveJewel 's method of establishing a signal that a sufferer is sliding off the deep end is well-respected in my own therapy circles, but it is not an easy connection to make. it works best when used before the psychosis has had the opportunity to escalate. i am most psychotherapeutically conditioned to respond to the football signal for, "time out" as my signal and i still have a hard time working the signal through the pre-escalation stages of psychosis. once a psychosis is allowed to escalate, it becomes a force of nature all its own. might be easier to stop a tornado. it's best to just run for cover.
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