I've been with her for around 18 months. She has ptsd due to the bad relationships in the past. She's very very hyper vigilant if she thinks I may not love her enough or if she perceives there may be a threat to the relationship. I try and be as supportive as possible, but I'm in the firing line virtually every week. We have one good date and then the next day she's threatening the end of the relationship and saying i don't love her, and sometimes she very nastily tells me to go home about 2 minutes into a date. When her adrenalin is pumping she can say really insulting things
When she gets like this I used to sit in my car outside her house and text her for hours until she calmed down. Sometimes it can take a whole day. Sometimes a weekend.
Lately, if she tells me to go home - I go home !! I thought maybe if I actually did what she said then she'd learn not to say it. Obviously that makes her worse as this 'confirms' her fears and makes her more worried.
I'm finding it stressful now. Its every week. Every week she launches a verbal assault on me and then threatens the end of the relationship. We have one good date and then 2 days of me trying to reassure her and telling her it's not the end of the relationship.
What do i do ? Put up with her insults as she can't help it and stay by her side until she calms down ? Go home and spend time with friends - obviously I need to have fun and happiness as well ?
It gets hard to reassure her when this happens every week and can take hours or days to calm her down. The insults are hard to take. It's hard to say how much I care for her when the difficult times are more often and are bigger than the good times. This in turn will make her worse as she knows I'm getting frustrated and annoyed and this will make her feel less secure.
What do i do ? She says she needs reassurance. I try and give her that. I try and treat her sensitively. She says I'm the best man she's been out with. She accepts what she does is an issue but she says she can't change it. She's on medication for it.
How can I help her and remain happy myself ?
Adrian
When she gets like this I used to sit in my car outside her house and text her for hours until she calmed down. Sometimes it can take a whole day. Sometimes a weekend.
Lately, if she tells me to go home - I go home !! I thought maybe if I actually did what she said then she'd learn not to say it. Obviously that makes her worse as this 'confirms' her fears and makes her more worried.
I'm finding it stressful now. Its every week. Every week she launches a verbal assault on me and then threatens the end of the relationship. We have one good date and then 2 days of me trying to reassure her and telling her it's not the end of the relationship.
What do i do ? Put up with her insults as she can't help it and stay by her side until she calms down ? Go home and spend time with friends - obviously I need to have fun and happiness as well ?
It gets hard to reassure her when this happens every week and can take hours or days to calm her down. The insults are hard to take. It's hard to say how much I care for her when the difficult times are more often and are bigger than the good times. This in turn will make her worse as she knows I'm getting frustrated and annoyed and this will make her feel less secure.
What do i do ? She says she needs reassurance. I try and give her that. I try and treat her sensitively. She says I'm the best man she's been out with. She accepts what she does is an issue but she says she can't change it. She's on medication for it.
How can I help her and remain happy myself ?
Adrian
