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Sexual Assault How can I let people know it upsets me when they touch me without being rude or telling them my abuse?

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Corvidcore34

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Ever since I was abused I hate being touched. This only happens if their skin touches mine, if I'm wearing clothes where they touch me this doesn't happen, no idea why.

This wasn't a problem before since I wasn't that close to anyone, or we had social distancing, but lately this is becoming a problem for me since I think I'm upsetting my friends when they sit close to me and I get a little away from them or they hug me and I pull away quickly, as well as I'm tired of forcing myself to touch them when it makes me feel very uncomfortable, anxious and scared.
 
Say you're experiemce some kind of sensitivity issue, where skin on skin touch feels uncomfortable, which is true without talking of the reason for it. You could say it embarrasses you and you don't want to hurt anyone's feeling but you hope they can understand.
 
i use evasive tactics. my aversion to touch is harsh enough that i can spot a hug coming before the hugger knows it, themselves. i quietly and discretely increase my social distance when the hugging portion of an event approaches. i've been using this tactic since i was a kid and nobody has called me on it, yet. no explanation needed.
 
I live in Mexico, so people tend to be a little touchy here

"besos y abrazos" are a tradition in ecuador, as are the tightly packed crowds, etc. "touchy" is a radical, but diplomatic understatement. my evasion techniques worked there, also. i always waited for the tightly packed crowds to die down before i approached merchants, etc.
 
My mother-n-law is very sensitive to touch, especially rubbing and I'm an affectionate person. It feels like fire for her, almost like neuropathy. It took me a while to learn that she loves me the same w/out a hug or any touch, but was able to do it once I knew. So, I suggest the same, let people know you are very sensitive to touch...it is a true statement, and they do not need to know why. Hope this helps.
 
Ever since I was abused I hate being touched. This only happens if their skin touches mine, if I'm wearing clothes where they touch me this doesn't happen, no idea why.

This wasn't a problem before since I wasn't that close to anyone, or we had social distancing, but lately this is becoming a problem for me since I think I'm upsetting my friends when they sit close to me and I get a little away from them or they hug me and I pull away quickly, as well as I'm tired of forcing myself to touch them when it makes me feel very uncomfortable, anxious and scared.
I am pretty sure this a common response to having been abused. Sometimes people do not like touch, its important for people to respect your boundaries about not like that. Your friends if they know could be trying to help like show some touch is safe when it is done between people that mutual respect and care for each other. But even if they are its not helpful to have to experience something triggering like this. People need to try there best to not trigger you if they know it makes you uncomfortable, anxious and scared. If your friends are having a hard time respecting your boundaries about this it might be worth talking to them about it or talking if you haven't just something that it communicates that you have a boundary about that and don't like it if you haven't.
 
I started struggling a lot with touch a couple of years ago. I can’t avoid it with a couple of people and have had to force myself to go somewhere else in my head to stop the freeze response because I can’t bear them to think I don’t love them.

I hate the fact that some days I can be vaguely ok and others it is like the sky falling in because it freaks me out that much.

My T has had me focusing on rubbing my ear lobe if I can recognise the anxious feeling before it happens.

It also means I tend to stay sitting in a social situation and choose single chairs so people can’t be next to me, or I will stand and move if people get too close.

Generally though I’m a bit rubbish and mostly avoid seeing people for this reason, so I’m hoping someone else might have better advice than me.

Thanks for asking this question. It makes me feel less bad that others might struggle too.
 
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