PreciousChild
Platinum Member
Hello. I hope I make sense. I would like advice from people who are in relationships how they overcame the lack of love in their childhoods to find love as adults. I have never been with someone I loved. That's pretty pathetic. I was married for 8 years, but didn't really love my ex. He was simply "safe", or so I thought. But just because someone wouldn't leave you, that doesn't make him a good partner. He was my dad all over again, except different enough that I didn't notice at first.
When I first got divorced a decade ago, I did date around. I think I needed that. I had fun being wined and dined, and I did/do have people interested in me. But when I started to feel strongly for someone, I got weird and insecure. This is when relationships become a problem - when I start to feel love, then I become invested in getting love back. And then it feels dangerous because not getting love returned by someone I loved would crush me to dust. I haven't done much dating in the last few years. In fact, I have been abstinent as well as partner-less for several years now. I am sort of being deliberate about this. I realize that I have things to sort out in myself.
Despite my acceptance of the situation, I think it's "unfair" that I grew up in a loveless, abusive family, and now that lovelessness lives on. I do want love in my life. And how else am I going to learn how to love if I never take risks? But since I didn't have love in my family, and in my life, how do I know what to say or do?
I sort of have a crush on someone right now who I think feels the same way. For a few reasons, we can't just express that freely. I'm taking a wait and see approach. But I've been thinking about him a lot, and so now I'm probably going to start getting weird. I may start to misinterpret his intentions and read into his behaviors which I do because I get insecure. Someone who knows both of us says that he seems to like me, but deep down, I don't believe that he would if he really knew me.
When I first got divorced a decade ago, I did date around. I think I needed that. I had fun being wined and dined, and I did/do have people interested in me. But when I started to feel strongly for someone, I got weird and insecure. This is when relationships become a problem - when I start to feel love, then I become invested in getting love back. And then it feels dangerous because not getting love returned by someone I loved would crush me to dust. I haven't done much dating in the last few years. In fact, I have been abstinent as well as partner-less for several years now. I am sort of being deliberate about this. I realize that I have things to sort out in myself.
Despite my acceptance of the situation, I think it's "unfair" that I grew up in a loveless, abusive family, and now that lovelessness lives on. I do want love in my life. And how else am I going to learn how to love if I never take risks? But since I didn't have love in my family, and in my life, how do I know what to say or do?
I sort of have a crush on someone right now who I think feels the same way. For a few reasons, we can't just express that freely. I'm taking a wait and see approach. But I've been thinking about him a lot, and so now I'm probably going to start getting weird. I may start to misinterpret his intentions and read into his behaviors which I do because I get insecure. Someone who knows both of us says that he seems to like me, but deep down, I don't believe that he would if he really knew me.
