How Did You Deal With Depression After Losing Your Job?

[Seasounds]

• From losing my job. The numbness has turned into grief and increased depression. FYI - I'm safe.
• It is not working to make my own schedule, and
• I'm wondering what to tell my next employer when they ask, "What was the reason?"

 

[reallydown]

I'm sorry to read that you're going through this. I haven't been in this situation but I have been unemployed and it is tough to explain to people and they do get nosy. We really shouldn't have to. I know it sucks but do the best you can with self care. I had depression because I was unemployed. Then I got a job but it's something I'm grossly overqualified for and it's only part time and I still get depressed. Now there is a possibility of getting a better one and I am still depressed. I guess what I'm trying to say is that depression is tough to deal with no matter what - don't feel badly for being depressed after losing your job. The main thing now is that you are safe. Hang in there!

 

[Friday]

It depends very much on which job & why I lost it & what that job gave me.

If it was just food/shelter/etc.? No big deal. Get another job.

If it gave me purpose in life, defined my identity, & other serious deep intangibles? Big freakin deal. Meant that the job loss was really tertiary to how I viewed myself, & lived my life.

 

[Biz]

@Saetva , I went through something similar a little over a year ago. I brought a disability-related discrimination suit.

Your third bullet point, what to say to future employers was the hardest. It's terribly intimidating; I blew it the first time I tried and I could feel my interview go from great to the woman just staring at me. I practiced by myself for how to answer. I practiced in interviews. I must have gotten it right because I'm hired now doing the same thing with a different organization. I've had no issues with my current organization.

In regards to the schedule, try to be strict with one (maybe you're doing this already). You can be doing job applications from __am - __pm. Put walks in to your day, cooking.

There are workforce centers in most major and mid-sized cities in the US. They offer workshops, places to job search, hiring events. You could go there for 'work' if you need the feeling of leaving the house to get focused and do applications. Maybe your local library or rec center has low-price classes you'd be interested in, so at least you'd have a regular block on your schedule.

I found a part time job that was so casual they didn't ask about previous employment. That did wonders for regulating my schedule/time. There's sooo much time in the day when you're unemployed. Good luck. I'm sorry to hear about your struggle. It really is difficult to have been terminated and to be unemployed.

 

[Seasounds]

All of your responses have brightened my spirit, and helped open options for me. I'm so grateful for you taking the time to share your thoughts! And, of course, this forum brings me a community that helps me through the good and bad times.

@reallydown , thank you for your support and empathy. Your words are healing for me on a heart level, and from your own progress through and with your process, I can have more hope for mine.

@FridayJones , thank you for the idea of 'placing perspective'. Even though for me, it is a major loss, your words reflected me into letting myself find and define my value, on a deeper spiritual level. Easier said than done, and grief will still process, but I can now direct myself to anchor-define my value, on a more steadfast level. (As a meditator, I can use meditation to help anchor myself in a place of value.)

@Biz , your suggestions regarding using workfource as a 'job', to get up and out of the house, is very useful, as are your other suggestions!
-regarding the question 'why did you leave?' could you let me know what you said, or how you answered it that was useful/successful (without divulging anything private)?

 

[Biz]

@Saetva , on the job application I wrote reason for leaving: terminated, found not at fault by Unemployment (which is the case for my termination because I filed an appeal with unemployment explaining the discrimination). You could also write, "terminated, would be happy to discuss this further if interviewed."

In the interview, I went pretty broad. One of my termination reasons listed on the termination letter was this project where the timelines got messed up and I was able to say, "my official termination reason was ___ (this project)." The job I'm doing and was interviewing for is the same, and they've done similar projects so when I explained that reason they contextually knew it was rather petty.

I went on to say that I felt like my immediate supervisor felt I wasn't supporting her vision, but at the time, it felt as if she wasn't communicating what she wanted of me. This is somewhat true, although it doesn't explain the situation. It's the line I plan to use again in the future. In the future, I will also probably explain that my supervisor was receiving a lot of pressure because she was new and walked in to a program had been failing for 3 years and I think that pressure affected her leadership. The truth is, even if my coworkers hadn't been spreading rumors about me to her and others, she was looking for a scapegoat because the goals they'd set for her were unrealistic and her ability to meet them was nil.

The interviewers asked, "Well what was your role? What could you have done differently?" That was hard because I had tried so hard to do differently, had discussions with other supervisors, with HR, with coworkers, with friends, with my therapist, filed for accommodations, expressed how much I actually like this work, etc. So I was teary-eyed and just said something like, "We should have been meeting more frequently and trying to communicate through that." I didn't think these answers were good enough, but I got the job, so it must have been okay. Turns out this organization is very calm, capable, and has other people employed who were previously terminated.

I think keeping neutral language answering the why question and keeping it broad. It turns out there's lots of people in the workforce who have been terminated from other places. (Both my therapists referenced they'd been previously terminated. As have 3 of my current teammates on a team of 6). You won't be the only one they've interviewed who has been, but making sure you don't get bogged down in the emotions of it when you explain and obviously not seeming like you're bad-mouthing the previous employer will be important.

 

[watundah]

The termination is a toughie but I found tons of advice online about how to spin it positively. Also, hated my job and was angry for a while then thrilled like a released prisoner. Finally time to read and do more exercise in between searching. Hoping the end result lands you in a better spot.

 

[Anarchy]

Hi Saetva,

I don't know if this distinction applies where you are
There's redundancy, where the post becomes redundant, due to changes in the business and no blame, stigma, or anything else negative attaches to the occupant of the redundant position.
Then there's dismissal, where for whatever reason, it didn't work out, your face didn't fit, anything along those lines.

Depending on how well people in your field know each other ( in my bit of engineering, if I don't know someone, I probably know someone who does), even outright getting fired might be no disability
The guys doing the firing might be well known as impossible to work for or impossible to please.

If you get the chance, see if you can video yourself doing mock job interviews. I find it cringe worthy, hearing how strong my accent is, and seeing my mannerisms... But it really helps with weeding out the bits that don't come across well, and in building confidence.


"My position has become redundant" five times in my career so far.
It does get difficult to believe that it's not some flaw in me. Even though the field I got into is extremely susceptible to the ups and downs of the business cycle.

Truth be told, last time was more like the sack. It was clear that one of the directors held a low opinion of me, and in turn his personality freaked me out. I do find it difficult not to feel judged and rejected over that.

As for staying motivated during the search for a new job.

Do not deny yourself treats! I find it very easy to tell myself that I must finish some chore before I do this nice thing.

What happens is, I don't do either! For weeks sometimes!
It's v important to give yourself permission to do inspiring things.
Also be realistic about finances, I find it v easy to drasticize and become an anxious hermit.

If you can, avoid things that allow time for rumination. I spent time looking for (and finding!) A bunch of Neolithic- bronze age stuff last summer. It was a big kick finding some of the cool stuff, but it did allow too much rumination, and anxiety that I should be doing other stuff.