Every possible bad thing that could have happened last night happened. My shoulder hurt, I ended up in the corner, my face hurt, I heard auditory flashbacks, I went to bed and had the recurring nightmare about my little brother and my nanny trying to kill him.
I should not have looked up my main abuser at eleven o clock at night to see if she really was real. (typed in her name, and the name of my former school- found a school photo of her as a teacher 40 years ago. Same name, same physical look as in my flashbacks... Like... "Dude oh my god she's real!" )
Don't look up anything else, and I can at least attribute everything to my imagination. Hoping for a better sleep tonight.