Hello JeanneHelp,
Your daughter and you are your first priority here. For some reason as I read your post the word enabling came to my mind; If this were to be, or there is any chance of it coming to be so, then what you could do to be of the greatest help all-around is to educate yourself on just what exactly enabling is.
The Sooner the better, as explosive anger that you're afraid of, you can pretty well be sure that your daughter is afraid of too.
Hope you're discussing this aspect in counseling, as it is vital to whether you and your daughter remain disempowered resulting from the enormous fears and anxieties that explosive anger can and does give birth to,
Or more hopefully empowered by you knowing just what to do and what not to accept and tolerate.
Here's a start to considering the enabling aspect:
Feelings inside persons with the enabling personality traits:
• Powerless to change the situation
• Serious about the situation
• Self blaming for the troubled person's problems
• Fragile in the face of the troubled person's problems
• Self-pity for the situation they are in
• Manipulation is the only method left them to get their way to correct the troubled person's problems
• Super responsible for the situation and solving the troubled person's problems
• Guilt over the troubled person's problems and the troubled person's inability to solve them
• Pain from the hurt resulting from the troubled person's problems
• Fear that the troubled person's problems will never be solved and will ultimately consume them
• Anger that they can't fix or solve the troubled person's problems
Typical statements from enabling individuals:
• I'm going to give him another chance.
• I want to give him the benefit of the doubt.
• I'm not clear what I should expect of him.
• I'm not convinced that he has that problem.
• I love him; I can't leave him.
• I don't want him to fail.
• I don't want him to suffer any pain or hurt.
• I don't want him to think that I don't love him.
• I'm beginning to suspect that I'm the reason for his problems.
• I don't want to be mean.
• It's hard to say no.
• I could never forgive myself for not taking steps to prevent him from getting hurt.
• He'd never forgive me if he got hurt or failed.
• I've made my vows for life; I could never leave him.
• It only hurts for a little while.
• Look at all the trouble he's causing for me and the family.
• I want him to get help, even if I have to drag him in.
• What have I done wrong? Where have I gone wrong?
• He doesn't care how much he hurts us by his behavior.
• I feel so unappreciated.
• Just this one time only.
• Let's not be hasty in our judgment.
The source of the two titles and everything listed in bullets is from: www . coping . org / lowesteem / enable . htm
........of course without any of those spaces within it's address. :wink:
It may be of help. I find it quite interesting, in opening up our minds and even our souls to what in the world may be, or may not be going on within us, while the Ptsd sufferer needs to do and remain committed to their own healing, education, well-directed actions, therapies and process.
JeanneHelp, though I've practically only ever identified myself upon this forum as a Ptsd sufferer and survivor, as I do have such. Truth be known, some of my earliest memories and then even a great deal thereafter have been of me loving dearly and being utterly powerless to do anything to fix first mentally ill family members, at least two with Ptsd for certain, and even thereafter others whom have Ptsd.
Anyhow, it's late and do hope you continue taking all the initiatives possible to develop a larger, empowering picture and one that will be of the greatest service. You've got lot's of responsibilities and so importantly a 20mo. old baby to love and care for. Wishing you all my best!
Hope
