How Do I React?

[Healing Reins]

What do you mean what's the relationship between us? I met her at school through this young life thing, and then she kind of became my young life leader...then my youth group leader. Actually it's the other way around first she was my youth group leader then she was my young life leader... Make sense?

I guess she helps me a lot through various dramas in my life...she's kind of been there when I had no one else. And I'm "one of her girls" it's frustrating because I want to be more than one of her girls...but not like this. It's like in Orange is the new black...if you watch that show. Red, one of the characters helped a girl come clean from drugs...instead of drugs, it's helping me with my eating disorder...she's helped me a lot with my eating disorder. What I'm trying to say is, she has helped me through a lot. But I don't think that I can continue to have a relationship like this. It needs boundaries.

What are some good boundary ideas?!

 

[scout86]

Not my best topic, by far, and there will be others who can give you a lot more help, I'm sure. But, where do you see problems that boundaries might solve? What are the problems with the relationship, the way it is right now, that you think need fixing? You might also ask your mentor where she thinks the issues are.

 

[Hashi]

first she was my youth group leader then she was my young life leader...

Thanks for your response, this is what I was wondering about.

I don't know how this is organised, but from what you say she has some sort of guidance role? Maybe this isn't very formal and she isn't trained to do it, but what I'm wondering is whether she has some sort of supervision and someone who mentors her, because she has this role?

My suggestion would be that it would be helpful for you and your friend/mentor to talk this through with another person. Ideally someone who has some therapy training. If she has a supervisor or her own mentor, that might be a good person to approach.

It sounds like both you and your friend/mentor are lost when it comes to what's going on between you, and I doubt this is something you can sort out on your own (either of you, or the two of you together). If you both have boundary issues plus you've mentioned that you're working on this with borderline personality disorder, then I think some guidance from an appropriate third person would be helpful.

Is there anyone you think could help you both with this?