How Do I Survive Alone

[anonymous]

My wife has asked fora legal separation , I don't know how to live alone, I have been in the relationship for 18 years, I don't know what to do to find companionship. This is really blowing my mind.HELP

 

[Al_Lurker]

I'm not sure I'm any help, I find myself alone with no friends after being immersed in one woman or another since I can't remember when. I'm trying to get into some interest based social groups on meetup and Facebook and looking for things to do outside the house. Pay the bills on time is one thing I'll recommend, getting behind only adds to the stress.

 

[franciemarnie]

The best thing I ever knew to do in a situation like that was to - and I hesitate to say it because it sounds so cliche but it works - get out of myself by helping other people. It sounds so selfless, but it really helped me the most. I forgot how bad I felt and met other people at the same time.

Also think of what you love to do, or once loved to do maybe long ago - and do it again.

You will get thru this.

 

[Britt.f7]

Think of this as a good time to find yourself and figure your things out. Sometimes easier to do once you are alone.

I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[Mercy]

I don't know how to live alone,

That state of being is so hard. Many, many people who go through a divorse or the death of a mate feel at sea, rudderless and lost.

I am sorry for her leaving. Are you able to figure out why she felt the need to leave? Sometimes Therapy around the marriage break up may kick up your insecureties. We all have them but when an earth shattering event comes along, it is really confusing. So many questions, why did she leave( that goes far beyond her stated reasons). A therapist can help you see what has happened from different perspectives

The suggestion franciemarie made is a good one. I have advised friends who have moved into an unknown place to look around and see what is there. Bike riding clubs are good, if you are fit enough. A bird watching club can be fun. You get to work on 'your life list' with people and on your own. Volunteering for Meals on Wheels a couple of days a week lets you get to know people that may be new to you. Visiting with those people who are shut in can lift your spirits, especially when you are greeted by big smiles from lonely people. Do like to draw or paint. This is often done alone, like for me, but it good for sharpening your skills to register for a drawing course -at Adult Ed usually run from your local High School, Community Colleges run summer classes in drawing, jewelry making, pottery on the wheel or by hand.

Are their subjects like the Civil War or Emperors of China that interest you. You will meet student in different age groups. I was the oldest class memger in most of my Architexture cclasses by a leats a decade. I was also older than some of my design teachers....What have you always wanted to do but it didn't fit in your marriage?

The first gain here is that you are doing something you like and helps fill the void.
The second gain here is that you get to be around people who like similar things as you.
The third gain is that you can make good friends and maybe meet that someone special.

 

[fly away home]

Being alone can be a chance to really think about who you are. Try and remember what interests and hobbies you have and reconnect with friends you can trust to support you. Do a night course in something you've always wanted to know more about. You can try going to places which feel good to you ie the beach or walk in the bush.

Its hard and overwhelming and I can't image how it would be after 18 years but I wish you strength.

 

[Lina007]

I can't offer a cure-all, but I found when I separated, it was a great time to rediscover myself and my interests. I made a list of what I wanted to work on for myself and the things I wanted to try, do, or learn. Of course, I'm here struggling as much as the next person, but it did help me. I also enjoy strategy games such as chess, since you usually have to focus intently on that kind of game in order to play at a level of any decency. Learning another language may also offer the dual benefit of intellectual challenge and focus to distract you with something that will serve you well later. Maybe you can use that new language you learn to plan a nice trip for yourself in the future to reward yourself for getting through this time? I wish you the best, and I'm sorry for your pain.

 

[Philippa]

Start with a pet of some kind maybe? A cat, or a dog can provide you with unconditional love while you learn to spend time on your own again. It will take adjusting, but you can do this.