How Do We Fight Without Self Worth?

[Punky143]

I hate myself and who I've been. I have no dignity and self worth, so how can I fight? What if we're realizing our entire life has been spent searching for a friend who would always be around or trying to act and think certain ways in an effort to fit in? I read the numourous journals I've done all these years and they have the same theme in all. Sadness.

 

[turtlemoon]

Big hugs. I am sorry you are going through this. I've just started to find my own self worth again, took 6 months of CBT but I am getting there. Slowly, but some progress.

I get it though... when I felt like everything that ever made me strong was gone I was so lost and scared. Still struggling, and honestly all that I have right now is just a spark to go on. Determined to make that be enough.

Also, trying to fit in is part of the human condition. It doesn't make you less of a person, just makes you a person. I mean, it isn't worth faking who you are for people who aren't worthy of you, just saying... we all do it. It is programmed into our basic psychology.

Do you have a therapist of some kind?

 

[Deleted member 37085]

I hate myself and who I've been. I have no dignity and self worth, so how can I fight? What if we're r...

@Punky143 I too struggle with self-worth issues so I read you loud and clear. Today, I (not because of depression, nor because someone I love passed away yesterday) am feeling worthless over something I did to myself (private) and I am trying to recover my footing of feeling okay again. I am not perfect, and will never, ever meet someone perfect in this life on earth. Never.

And going through the hell of familial and stranger danger sexual and physical abuse (extreme) I am understanding about when I begin to come down on myself, and feel like an alien on this planet, that this is part and parcel of pro. comp. ptsd. and I am not a piece of poo on a stick. I am a loving person, and there are indeed some people who love me, in spite of me. Meaning in spite of at times how I am not so happy with personal decisions I make that bring me to my knees feeling so low.

I am on this road called recovery, and it is a journey and I am sometimes walking, other times crawling, and other times I am lying on couch crying. And that's okay. I am never going to live up to our culture's standards of what is *normal* and I will never live up to my own ridiculous perfectionistic expectations of who I am supposed to be now, and I am trying sooo hard to stop comparing myself to others' recovery and other's lives and their lifestyles. I am unique, my life experiences are what make me that way; and I am doing my absolute best. When I know better I do better. And sometimes I do take a step to two forward, and at times I take a step to two to three backwards. And I keep walking, moving. I am in recovery, and I care about you. JadesJewel

 

[Cannottakethis]

I also suffer from feeling unworthy....tons of negative self talk. It has taken, and is taking a lot of effort to see any good in myself.

I am never going to live up to our culture's standards of what is *normal* and I will never live up to my own ridiculous perfectionistic expectations of who I am supposed to be now, and I am trying sooo hard to stop comparing myself to others' recovery and other's lives and their lifestyles. I am unique, my life experiences are what make me that way; and I am doing my absolute best.

Yes, exactly....I think I should be perfect (thanks mom and dad) and I have had to learn what my version of perfect is. Still am.

If I am happy, that's a great start.

This lack of self worth seems to be common in us ptsd peeps. I think for me I am just trying to find it in other places than before.

 

[J'qel]

Start by looking at all the good you *have* done. The kindnesses you've shown, the people you've helped. Whenever you feel cruddy and like you have no self worth, drag it out and look at it. Add to it as circumstances come along.

Never underestimate the value you have to the people around you. <3

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

By learning self-compassion first. There is a lot of good information on this site about self-compassion. I found that it is a very useful place to start. It's not where I live most of the time, it is not something I completely understand, but it is something I am working on.

 

[Muted]

What are you currently basing your self worth on @Punky143 ?

 

[lonelyone82]

I have low self worth too sometimes. I can relate. I put so much pressure in myself even for just being a sensitive person. I understand. Sometimes I feel better about my worth than others. I guess everyone is important and worth something to someone else. Sometimes I think about the people that care about me and how they would be sad if I wasn't here. I think we are worth something to others.

 

[Muted]

I have low self worth too sometimes. I can relate. I put so much pressure in myself even for just b...

I understand what you're saying @lonelyone82 , if you can please consider this... if you base your self worth on those around you or those that care about you, what happens if they leave or they die or they find someone else? It will destroy your self worth.

If you base your self worth on another human being, you're in essence giving them complete power and control on your value or how you see your value.

As a result, if they're unhappy with you, your own view of your worth goes down... then your left feeling worthless and then you may see your only choice is to feel worthless or do anything and everything to change their viewpoint because that what you 'need' to feel you have worth again. Sadly, sometimes we as people will fall into this and will even compromise our own beliefs in order to get back that false sense of worth.

Unfortunately, this also puts undue pressure on others to 'feed' that sense of self worth a person may be trying to get from them. Either is not healthy in a relationship.

 

[ladee]

The self worth comes with every obstacle we learn to deal with. When we say 'baby steps' it is just that.
We didn't just stand up one day and walk across the room.
Learn,apply....until it becomes second nature.
I'm sorry you feel you have to fight. But we do have to do that somedays.
The self worth comes...and when it does..because we have worked so hard for it...no one can ever take it away again.
They can bump it,even bruise it sometimes. But no one can take it away.
You are worth the work...but you won't know that until you try.
You got this..you asked for help....that is an awesome start!
Gentle hugs for your healing journey.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

@Punky143 I too struggle with self-worth issues so I read you loud and clear. To...

@And I forgot to thank you so much for posting how you are feeling right now. My friend just passed away and I hope Punky I was not too harsh in my above post. For I am so grateful you posted as I have been struggling all day with feeling like poo. My brain pcptsd lies to me all of the time and I thank you for posting where you're at this moment in time. I do care about you and you helped me with your above post @Punky143. JadesJewel

 

[lonelyone82]

I understand what you're saying @lonelyone82 , if you can please consider this... if...

I never really thought about that. It is important not to put my worth on others. They usually don't approve even if I am trying my best and putting in major effort. I guess there are other reasons to be worth something. You have me thinking of changing my perspective now. I probably have that desire for approval due to having to walk on eggshells or else suffer some abuse. I will think about this...thanks. :)