How Do You Accept?

[sonicwhite]

When in a relationship in the past really kinda messed it up for you for the rest of your life.


I'm talking about unsafe sex and what could happen if your aren't thinking. I have to accept that I was not thinking. I believe if I ever did get into a relationship that the person would have to accept me and all of me. That means the damaged part of me.

Like I said I will not hurt anyone. I will not be selfish. I'm pretty sure their is a woman who has had the same thing don't to her and we both make very clear insight. But, how do you bring up such a subject.


I really wished I could get over myself and sometimes I do and I see better but than my heart gets drawn to wanting someone which ain't a bad thing. But with what happened to me I have no other recourse to take then be alone.

 

[Stickler]

Relationships are mechanisms for growing you up.

Paraphrasing Bob Marley:
Everyone hurts you, you just have to find the ones worth hurting for.
You're going to hurt the next one, she's going to hurt you.
Neither of you are coming into it with unscarred hearts.

Relationships have a lifespan; some last forever, but most do not.

What useful things did you learn to do and not to do with the last one?

 

[sonicwhite]

What I learned from it was a woman's heart is very fragile. They do love. And they love it when you listen to them and communicate. You don't just have sex.

I learned so much from me and her that if I do get with anyone she will be treated like a queen and I think that's how it supposed to be. Christ died for the church. I must be willing to die for her that is how much my love should abound.

I learned that over time if you allow the Lord to show you what went wrong it happens all at the right times. I mean first God showed me what I did wrong which I was blind to two years after we broke up. Than God showed me what she did wrong and I accept it.

I learned that communication is the key. Sex is for two ppl to come together as one to show they love each other. It's not to be abused.

The only reason I passed this test was because of Christ Jesus.

 

[Gs172003]

What I learned from it was a woman's heart is very fragile. They do love. And they love it when you...

Since you brought up Christ...

You know what he says about his standards. You also know what he says about being set free from your past mistakes. If you don't, learn that first.

 

[sonicwhite]

I'm talking about lifelong STD's and I forgive myself for what I've done but I will not selfishly hurt someone by not telling them or unsafe sex after marriage.

I tried to show you guys what I meant but dancing around the subject didn't work so I'm just saying it out loud.

 

[illusionist]

As with most things in a relationship, it all comes down to communication and education. Give them the facts, and it is up to them if they want to continue the relationship.

I applaud you in wishing to be upfront and honest in future relationships ....and no, you don't have to be alone.

 

[Stickler]

As far as casual sex not leading to attachment for guys?

My brother started out "just having a good time" with his friend's sister...about 8 years ago.

The twins are two now...:laugh: My brother and SIL finally got the marriage made official recently.

No kidding.

 

[Stickler]

As far as getting a partner?
Where are you taking your life?

You aren't just looking for a play-buddy.
Women want you to be *at least* self-supporting, and they will look at you as a potential dad. That IS what you want, wife and kids...right?

Would YOU marry you? Or be happy your sister was going to marry someone just like you? If the answer is no? Then boot yourself in the butt.
Remember, if you have depression motivation is a myth. You will NEVER feel like doing things, you must force yourself to do them.
Make a plan for a career and go for it.
I assume your wife will have her own career, but you BOTH need to be pulling hard to make ends meet for kids.

 

[sonicwhite]

I have felt for the last eight years that I'm not growing. I mean in the way of forcing and enjoying life. I became a hermit after my first flashback and the anxiety was beyond what I was able to handle.

After a period of three years after 2008 I just gave up. Apathy to the fullest. I believe a lot of my medications have a lot to do with these dragging ideas.

I would like a family. But, the reality is I have no clue where to start. How to believe in myself to force myself towards these goals so I can grow as a human being.

Instead I have shrunk. I haven't buried my talent but I have been so hurt that I don't know where to begin. Faith is apart of my life and the Bible says the lord would love for us to enjoy all our years here on earth.

Where do I begin? How do I force myself and believe I can be what I set out to be. PTSD surely sucks so bad. First it was a damn psychosis. Then pure o OCD. Then a flashback after smoking weed and than nightmares. Drug abuse to curb the pain. I hate this filthy way of life but I don't know any other outlet.

It just sucks because ever since I moved from TN to my moms she kicked me out and I went on a two year drug binge that fried my brain. Now I live with the choices I made that were really bad. Oh well that's what therapy is for.

 

[Gs172003]

I'm talking about lifelong STD's and I forgive myself for what I've done but I will not selfishly hu...

That's what I thought you meant but didn't want to say it. Just be honest. A woman that loves you will be there anyway.

 

[Gs172003]

And if you are a Christian sticking with Christian women helps too. Do some reading on Christian relationships if you haven't already. Become the man you need to be for the partner you hope to have, the rest will fall into place.

 

[Stickler]

These are suggestions.
Take them at your own risk.
Anything may go ratshit.

If you have ANY TALENT AT ALL, take that field, go get training that will lead to a job.
A 2-year degree for preference.
This does not mean you can't work towards a degree in theology, but you might want to do something like...cabling's a good gig.
Plumbing?
Plant operators make up to $80 k a year, and that takes a 2-year degree.
http://gcaptain.com/forum/professional-mariner-forum/3342-tankerman.html
I am learning-disabled in math, I cannot do the physics involved, but crane operators and riggers make good money ( although you WILL be out of work, you must plan for that.)
Non-destructive testing?
Licensed Vocational Nurse?
Respiratory tech is a shorter course...
Stuff like that.

Two, if you live in a really small town...*can you really ever do all that well in said small town?*. Small towns tend to be isolating, in my experience?( I live in the boonies, all the people I know are at least half an hour away, further in.)

I think you might need Narcotics Anonymous, and *I am understanding there's not an NA meeting there.*.
So, that's something you can't get where you are.
You could use a church that *is a community,* that will help keep you on an even keel.
I actually think you'd do far better in a more liberal church, because a lot of the far more conservative ones are going to look down on you about your past.

...That's not fair, not right, not Christian of them at all, and not what you need...You need a church that's welcoming, that has people who've been through stuff and *get it.*

I think you should start saving up money for a move, so that you can move to an area where you will be going to school.
I think you should figure out what you'd like to do.
(Go to a REPUTABLE SCHOOL, not a for-profit school!)
I think you should plan on entering a school next fall.

If you get started about February 2017 on the financial aid setup, you'll be ready by the fall.

I'd figure out where you want to go to school, figure out how to get there and how to pay rent when you do it.

I think you should plan on looking for a church and an NA group *there* if it's in driving distance. If not, I really urge you to do it where you are. You NEED support in real life, I really think so.

Now...while you may find none of that or only some of that to be of use? That's what I'd like to see you do? Because I *believe* that the course of action I suggest will lead to a better life for you.
Depression is a big rock to lug around, but forcing yourself to do stuff helps.
Baby steps, small sustainable changes help you get to the big ones.

If you do not do so already?
Try working out a little every day (20 minutes minimum) and mostly avoiding junk food.
That is? Deep-fried stuff, fast food, sugar soda, white bread, really greasy food.
If you put it on a napkin and it leaves a grease stain, then it's pretty oily and needs to be a treat in your diet.

DO eat veggies, do cook for yourself if you don't. Do eat a little oily saltwater fish, omega-3 fatty acids may help depression a bit ( but just a little-as per the grease print on the napkin guideline )
This will probably give you more energy and focus.