C’est Moi... How do I connect with what I value?
Action & Awareness.
Action is by far the most important of the two for a few reasons. Not the least of which is that I
discover what I value, become aware of it more often than not, in motion. Sure, I can theorize all day long, and to some degree that’s useful. Turning things over, exploring, thinking things out has a place in my life. Larger, sometimes, than I’d care for. But it’s where the rubber meets the road, not what I think I’ll do, or want to do or have done, but
actually do* that informs my character the most.
I wrote a bit on that in the Self Worth thread, below.
For example, if you value nature, or academics, or museums, or physical prowess, or spontaneity? You think those are profoundly worthwhile things / traits / endeavours*? But don’t spend time outside, or learning, or in the Arts, or using your own body (or watching others use theirs, Hey sports fans! It’s a thing, or so I’m told ;)), or acting on a whim/in the moment ? “Here’s something I view as important,.. that I do nothing about, that is not in my life, that moreover is indistinguishable from the things I don’t care about, or even despise.” will wear away at most people’s self worth over time.
Putting time and energy, word and deed, into the things one values? Into what’s meaningful to them? Actively pursuing, being a part of what one values... Builds a person up. Puts your money where your mouth is.
________ is really important to me.
I really value __________.
Oh yeah? Prove it :sneaky:
That’s the fun part.
The hard part is usually determining what one actually values.
And not being put off by seemingly inconsistent or opposite mores. Like being a person who both demands rigorous honesty and delights in mischievous lies? Might seem impossible, but Scientist by day, community theatre by night, voila. Or a thousand other variations.
Becoming the person one wants to be, determining the content of your own character? To misquote a bit... some are born with it, or have it thrust upon them, whilst others achieve it.
One may not have always been this way, or stumbled into it by accident/handed it on a silver platter, but one can decide to become it.
Decide what you value, bring it into your life. On every level. Seek it out.
As far as being aware of what I value? That can be a bit of a double edged sword if I’m not actually living by my own values, so it’s something I tend to approach cautiously when my life is all f*cked up six ways from Sunday. But it’s also a delight, and source of strength, and (word that means promoting integrity, as in personal integrity, like a shatter vase has lost its integrity... cohesiveness) and can be the glue that starts welding me’self back into something recognisable.
Practical advice...
When I can’t learn who I am and what I believe and their relative hierarchy by living it?
- (not) Word Association (a different kind of association)
- So you won the lottery...
The first is simple... break out a dictionary, or simply free write. 5 or 500 or 5,000. Doesn’t matter how many. Words you relate to, and feel close to, or aspire to. Let synonyms take you down rabbit holes. Wink at the antonyms that are just as valid in different ways. Make note when something grabs your attention whilst reading. Or when you meet someone who has a trait you admire. Find the connections that are already there, between yourself and the words... and explore them.
So I won the lottery... is a game I used to play periodically just to double check that my life was on the course I wanted it to be. Pick some obscene impossible amount of money
and then spend it. (Is it literally, when it’s imaginary money, or figuratively? Huh. Not sure.) I Literally/Figuratively portioned it out including what I was giving away, and to whom, how much was going into savings, what presents I would buy, or things I would build, etc. and once I had all the “housekeeping” done...
how the f*ck else would I spend it? Because what I found, was that everything I would do in imaginary land? I could in real life, simply with a different time frame involved. Fund an archeological expedition? Couldn’t do that in real life, but I
could (in descending order of commitment) go to school to become an archeologist, be a paying volunteer on a dig, attend lectures by archeologists, subscribe to articles about archeology / simply read about it as an interest. <<<< This ties directly into the quoted piece above “If you value art but don’t go to museums, spontaneity but never do things on a whim, athleticism but sit on a couch all day, etc.” >>> By using the imaginary lottery winnings I could cut through all my mental bullshit of what I “should” or “could” be doing, what was acceptable, blah blah blah. It was simply a thought exercise (even though I knew where it was going). So I got to be both as wild and as practical as I wished, and only
after I had my lists of adventures and philanthropy down did I worry about making them real, and to what level.
