CharlotteB
New Here
Hey All! I've read a lot of similar threads but I guess I just needed to vent. So, sorry if this is too long!
I've been in a long distance (4 hour drive) relationship with my vet for almost 8 months. My first visit to his place he let me read his psych eval, something he had never shared with anyone else. At the time, I didn't think his PTSD was a big deal. He's shut me out repeatedly, including one that lasted 2 months. After a month, I had moved on. He resurfaced, we re-conciliated and all was well...or so I thought.
In the 4 months that we've been back together, it's been such a roller-coaster. We're "oh so happy in love" then something happens and he disappears for a couple of days. I get pissed and we argue or I hold it in to avoid confrontation. The last 2 times it happened, I drove to his place. Before you start, I know. Logically, I know that I should wait until he's ready to talk. But emotionally, it rips me apart and I NEED to talk to him.
Situation 1 - He was considering taking a job in Saudi Arabia. He was unsure of how to communicate that decision to me so he just didn't talk at all. We talked about it. I told him that my only concern is him coming back, all of him, to me. He was also concerned that if he went, our relationship would be over. His basis for that is past experience. (On his last deployment, his girlfriend at the time sent him a Dear John letter.) I try to reassure him that I'm not her, I would never do that, and we would be ok. As long as he contacted me when he could, we would be fine. We ended up having a great night and a great next day.
Situation 2 - Last week he came to town and I took him to my favorite bar, where I have been frequenting for years. I hugged the male bartender and made introductions. We then went to another bar where I visually followed a guy walking across the room. I will make to excuses for that, it was wrong, way wrong! I apologized profusely and we continued the night. He left in the morning (Sunday) without notice. We texted a little while he was on the road and nothing until Tuesday. Tuesday night he mentioned what happened with an "lol" in the text so I thought nothing of it (my fault?). Friday he posted a picture of his flight ticket to Saudia Arabia to Facebook. I sent him a message saying, "I see. It would have been nice to hear it from you directly. First." He responded that I was "totally f-g oblivious" to the fact that he still felt disrespected about last weekend. I lost it. Said a few choice words and left him alone. I felt really bad about not keeping my cool but how could I??
I called a few times Saturday, of course he didn't answer. I had planned to stop by that weekend anyway since I would be traveling nearby....but he never answered...which upset me even more...So I was at his door Sunday afternoon. We talked, I cried, we talked, made up, went to sleep. I asked him if how he acts is related to his PTSD, he says no but every thing he does points to yes. The next day he basically stayed to himself. Which was weird but I knew why he was doing it. Whenever I "pop up" I disrupt his plans for the day, cool, I get it. But did he have to be so cold shoulderish about it? By the end of the day I'd had enough and confronted him which turned into a huge blowout. He basically said that if he left he knew I'd cheat on him. The proof is in my behavior (I had previously hugged a really good friend, whom I consider a brother, in front of him). I remind him that if I wanted to cheat on him I would have done it already between the distance and how he treats me. (Not the best choice of words, I know). I told him that I literally don't have time to cheat (I work a lot and make time to spend with him as it is). I also said that if I were going to cheat on him, I wouldn't introduce you to them!
It was really bad. I swear I never cried so much in my life, and I HATE crying! The next morning, I went running and when I came back, the groceries I bought were all packed up on the table. I knew this was my sign to leave, but I didn't. Logically, I KNEW I should have left but hoped that we could still talk it out. He even left for a few hours...I was there when he got back. I asked him if he wanted me to leave. He rolled his eyes and threw up his hands as if to say" duh!" This crushed me...but why did it? I KNEW he did...and I KNEW staying there was making it worse...but I did?!?
How in the h*ll do you keep your emotions in check?!?
I've been in a long distance (4 hour drive) relationship with my vet for almost 8 months. My first visit to his place he let me read his psych eval, something he had never shared with anyone else. At the time, I didn't think his PTSD was a big deal. He's shut me out repeatedly, including one that lasted 2 months. After a month, I had moved on. He resurfaced, we re-conciliated and all was well...or so I thought.
In the 4 months that we've been back together, it's been such a roller-coaster. We're "oh so happy in love" then something happens and he disappears for a couple of days. I get pissed and we argue or I hold it in to avoid confrontation. The last 2 times it happened, I drove to his place. Before you start, I know. Logically, I know that I should wait until he's ready to talk. But emotionally, it rips me apart and I NEED to talk to him.
Situation 1 - He was considering taking a job in Saudi Arabia. He was unsure of how to communicate that decision to me so he just didn't talk at all. We talked about it. I told him that my only concern is him coming back, all of him, to me. He was also concerned that if he went, our relationship would be over. His basis for that is past experience. (On his last deployment, his girlfriend at the time sent him a Dear John letter.) I try to reassure him that I'm not her, I would never do that, and we would be ok. As long as he contacted me when he could, we would be fine. We ended up having a great night and a great next day.
Situation 2 - Last week he came to town and I took him to my favorite bar, where I have been frequenting for years. I hugged the male bartender and made introductions. We then went to another bar where I visually followed a guy walking across the room. I will make to excuses for that, it was wrong, way wrong! I apologized profusely and we continued the night. He left in the morning (Sunday) without notice. We texted a little while he was on the road and nothing until Tuesday. Tuesday night he mentioned what happened with an "lol" in the text so I thought nothing of it (my fault?). Friday he posted a picture of his flight ticket to Saudia Arabia to Facebook. I sent him a message saying, "I see. It would have been nice to hear it from you directly. First." He responded that I was "totally f-g oblivious" to the fact that he still felt disrespected about last weekend. I lost it. Said a few choice words and left him alone. I felt really bad about not keeping my cool but how could I??
I called a few times Saturday, of course he didn't answer. I had planned to stop by that weekend anyway since I would be traveling nearby....but he never answered...which upset me even more...So I was at his door Sunday afternoon. We talked, I cried, we talked, made up, went to sleep. I asked him if how he acts is related to his PTSD, he says no but every thing he does points to yes. The next day he basically stayed to himself. Which was weird but I knew why he was doing it. Whenever I "pop up" I disrupt his plans for the day, cool, I get it. But did he have to be so cold shoulderish about it? By the end of the day I'd had enough and confronted him which turned into a huge blowout. He basically said that if he left he knew I'd cheat on him. The proof is in my behavior (I had previously hugged a really good friend, whom I consider a brother, in front of him). I remind him that if I wanted to cheat on him I would have done it already between the distance and how he treats me. (Not the best choice of words, I know). I told him that I literally don't have time to cheat (I work a lot and make time to spend with him as it is). I also said that if I were going to cheat on him, I wouldn't introduce you to them!
It was really bad. I swear I never cried so much in my life, and I HATE crying! The next morning, I went running and when I came back, the groceries I bought were all packed up on the table. I knew this was my sign to leave, but I didn't. Logically, I KNEW I should have left but hoped that we could still talk it out. He even left for a few hours...I was there when he got back. I asked him if he wanted me to leave. He rolled his eyes and threw up his hands as if to say" duh!" This crushed me...but why did it? I KNEW he did...and I KNEW staying there was making it worse...but I did?!?
How in the h*ll do you keep your emotions in check?!?
