How Do You Cope With Loneliness And Reach Out To Friends?

[stuff]

I really feel like the single hardest part of dealing with my PTSD is the overwhelming sense of loneliness that I feel. I have a lot of friends and acquaintances and even a few who know a bit about my PTSD, but I find it exceedingly hard to reach out to them when I am struggling. I don't want to burden them with knowing that I am feeling sad or suicidal, but sometimes it would be really nice to have a little bit of a support network. How do you guys cope? How do you reach out and build trust with people? It's hard territory for me and I'm afraid that the people I care about will distance from me if they know how bad things actually get in my head. I am a relatively social person but I always feel isolated from the friends who surround me. I have a hard time letting my guard down and because I am relatively well known as a local entertainer I feel like most people just see me as the person I am on stage. I feel like I'm always wearing a mask and hiding the areas where I struggle. It's exhausting, but I don't want to be a downer to other people.

 

[livergirl70]

Hiya Stuff

I reckon you have found the right place. I know exactly what you mean about not wanting to put pressure on your mates etc. Here you can offload, get advice from people who are going through/have been through what you are feeling and offer their support. I have been close to self harm sometimes when I have come on here and ended up laughing because of something in Chit Chat.

Take care

 

[Deleted member 6617]

Hi Stuff,

For me I find I need to practice reaching out and trusting when I am not in a needy place. Then when I am, it doesn't come quiet so hard. Still hard, don't get me wrong, but possible to do. I understand the fear of rejection involved with that. Trust your gut who you really can trust and reach out to. It won't be everyone and that is okay. I really do feel for you, I could have written your post myself. I feel the same struggle. Practice reaching out...it will become less impossible. I wish you much peace.

 

[livergirl70]

Pottershand

When you have trusted and been let down over and over again it is so hard to trust, what you are saying is easier said than done. I don't trust anyone even those who know what I have been through, they have also let me down. I'm glad you have managed to reach out to people that you trust, but for some of us that is going to take a lot of time and therapy.

Best Wishes

 

[Ted Moen]

hey stuff,

i used to describe it as being surrounded by would-be friends if only i could let them be ... so lonely when everyones at a safe distance ... so unsafe when people get too close

i had to relearn how to participate in relationships with theraputic support ... participation in relationships tends to trigger a lot of old stuff which generates large quantities of anxiety and panic ... so with therapudic support i started with a brand new granddaughter, about as safe of a relationship as there is i think ... the first time i held her i was scared to death and just knew that somehow she was going to fly up off my arms into an overhead ceiling fan and be chopped to pieces and splattered all over me and her mom and the others and the scene was so real it was all i could do to hold her for a few seconds and carefully return her to her mother and retreat to the porch away from everyone ... then make myself go back in the room and hold her again

participating in one relationship with theraputic support leads to participating in other relationships and eventually to learning to let yourself enjoy having and participating in relationships even though it sometimes triggers old thoughts and feelings ... in therapy you learn to anticipate and manage that while remaining engaged

it begins with one safe relationship and theraputic support

ted

 

[Vee Lagrome]

I agree with livergirl. It's very difficult for my to reach out to anyone at all. It's like all of this stuff is just clamped up and I'm not terribly good at opening it up. I find going onto the forum is the best way for me to feel more "connected" to the world.

 

[scott_1971_h]

I really feel like the single hardest part of dealing with my PTSD is the overwhelming sense of loneliness that I feel. I have a lot of friends and acquaintances and even a few who know a bit about my PTSD, but I find it exceedingly hard to reach out to them when I am struggling. I don't want to burden them with knowing that I am feeling sad or suicidal, but sometimes it would be really nice to have a little bit of a support network.

You bet, I feel that too. Many of my friends have disappeared...
Scott

 

[Crl1983]

I don't know how to.. 99% of the time I can't even bring myself to call anyone on the phone, my family and my best friend always have to call me first. It makes me feel like a lousy person :notworthy: but I just get so anxious about what am I going to say, I always think I am just going to sound stupid or like what I have to say doesn't really matter. I also get nervous because I know they detect that something is off in my voice. I often get "I'm worried about you" and I hate that because I don't want to cause anyone to worry. Like you, I don't want to burden anyone with me.

 

[lost mum]

I feel like you have written what is in my head. It is so hard. I have no one to talk to except my psychologist. To all the people who know me I am always the life of the party. And I do enjoy myself when I am with people as it takes my mind off how I really feel.. When I am on my own it's like a completely different world. A world that I feel like there is no escape. I have only told a couple of close friends(that I thought would be there for me) that I have PTSD and I haven't heard from them since. My partner knows and has been very supportive of me but I don't like to burden him everytime when I'm having a bad day...I have started keeping myself as busy as possible with fitness and outdoor activities as I feel it helps me alot... I have joined clubs where no one knows me and no one knows what I have been through.

 

[Spero3]

Stuff,

What you feel is so normal. Might I suggest starting with one friend with whom you feel very safe. Let them in a little at a time and see what their reaction is. You may be pleasantly surprised. But, even if it isn't successful with one person, that doesn't mean it won't be with someone else.

Spero

 

[Kintsugi]

I have had a best friend since I was fourteen who has known at least since I was fifteen or sixteen the basics of what I've been through. We don't talk a lot on the level even though we are very close. I often have gone months and sometimes a year without seeing him. I have now not seen him for a year and a half and have barely talked to him in that time (maybe 2-3 times).

Last night I sent him an email at 2am crying and telling him that I did not want to push him away with my problems, but that my anxiety/stress/isolation has gotten so bad that I am afraid one day I will be too far in my own deep dark psychological black hole that I won't be able to reach out at all, so I am doing so now.

I feel like it's always better to reach out to friends while you feel you still can. Spero is right about just opening up a little bit at a time. I feel that loneliness is a very convincing illusion, particularly to those of us who suffer this.

 

[stuff]

Thanks guys. Just knowing there are other people who are struggling with this makes me feel a little less lonely. I am slowly opening up to a few friends that I am closer to, but it`s really hard. I am constantly afraid they will leave or that I am misjudging that they care about me. I`ve had a lot of on again off again in my interpersonal relationships since I was very young and it leaves me petrified of even trying a lot of the time.