How do you deal with hurt?

Oh my I keep typing and it deletes. 😞

Thank you @Friday and @Dergrosse , I too usually am not overly bothered by insults and even do make a joke, but I am lucky I don't usually get many (at least to my face). I do believe as @Weemie and @Freddyt said it spiraled/ spirals based on my own internal beliefs. Like @MrMoonlight said also, spirals is a good word. I would create more distance if I could After hearing I should be dead, I am a mistake, here is how I'll celebrate when you're dead, that seemed to start it. Not by any means the 1st time I've heard it, but no defense this time, spiraled in to a lot of SI as the only realistic option. As 'luck' would have it, I had a close call after- who knows, maybe just a panic attack, but sick-feeling enough to have to choose to live or not, despite what others say or I think about myself.

Step one: Is this a PTSD thing? Am I making what was said worse by how I process all incoming info as negative? Is this part of a negative core belief or a cognitive distortion?
Step two: Is it jealousy? Some people can't face themselves. One of the best poker players ever Doyle Brunson once said "Most people will never be good poker players because they can't bear self knowledge". He was right. Those people want everyone to play on their level - where they can use their crude manipulation and bullying to control people. Because you are trying to get better - they don't like that and want to drag you back where they can use you to make themselves feel better about the way they behave.
^^ The 1st probably sometimes, sometimes obviously. Though I have grown weary of others too who pretend to be on my side and don't even communicate, that shows me what lack of value I have. The 2nd yes, maybe, though I wouldn't say jealousy as much as tmaybe hreatening. But Idk.
The one thing that bullies can not stand - is people who know they are bullies. So when they don't have that power over you because you know they are being a bully - they want to get away and stay away. Best way to do that is to beat them to the punch. When they start - you finish. Say the things they say to you back to them. Ask them if that was all they wanted to say. Don't be affected. Laugh and giggle. It takes away their power.

^^ I too usually finish it but couldn't this time.

It sounds like a stupid question to me when I re-read it and an even stupider response from me now. But I thank everyone for your kindness (you included @arfie , thank you very much 🫂) and the time and thoughtfulness to respond. I appreciate it very much. ❤️💙💝


Yeah, how do you deal with hurt?

My heard unequivocally tells me to let someone back in if he comes back into my life...

I just don't know how I can be a person who doesn't fall into my ruts of distrust.