How do you deal with hurt?

[Tinyflame]

Oh my I keep typing and it deletes. 😞

Thank you @Friday and @Dergrosse , I too usually am not overly bothered by insults and even do make a joke, but I am lucky I don't usually get many (at least to my face). I do believe as @Weemie and @Freddyt said it spiraled/ spirals based on my own internal beliefs. Like @MrMoonlight said also, spirals is a good word. I would create more distance if I could After hearing I should be dead, I am a mistake, here is how I'll celebrate when you're dead, that seemed to start it. Not by any means the 1st time I've heard it, but no defense this time, spiraled in to a lot of SI as the only realistic option. As 'luck' would have it, I had a close call after- who knows, maybe just a panic attack, but sick-feeling enough to have to choose to live or not, despite what others say or I think about myself.

Step one: Is this a PTSD thing? Am I making what was said worse by how I process all incoming info as negative? Is this part of a negative core belief or a cognitive distortion?
Step two: Is it jealousy? Some people can't face themselves. One of the best poker players ever Doyle Brunson once said "Most people will never be good poker players because they can't bear self knowledge". He was right. Those people want everyone to play on their level - where they can use their crude manipulation and bullying to control people. Because you are trying to get better - they don't like that and want to drag you back where they can use you to make themselves feel better about the way they behave.

^^ The 1st probably sometimes, sometimes obviously. Though I have grown weary of others too who pretend to be on my side and don't even communicate, that shows me what lack of value I have. The 2nd yes, maybe, though I wouldn't say jealousy as much as tmaybe hreatening. But Idk.

The one thing that bullies can not stand - is people who know they are bullies. So when they don't have that power over you because you know they are being a bully - they want to get away and stay away. Best way to do that is to beat them to the punch. When they start - you finish. Say the things they say to you back to them. Ask them if that was all they wanted to say. Don't be affected. Laugh and giggle. It takes away their power.

^^ I too usually finish it but couldn't this time.

It sounds like a stupid question to me when I re-read it and an even stupider response from me now. But I thank everyone for your kindness (you included @arfie , thank you very much 🫂) and the time and thoughtfulness to respond. I appreciate it very much. ❤️💙💝

 

[Weemie]

It sounds like a stupid question to me when I re-read it and an even stupider response from me now.

Not stupid at all. It's been a very rewarding conversation.

 

[Tinyflame]

I heard a quote from Mark Twain the other day, it was something like the 2 most important days of a person's life are the day the are born, and the day they realize why.

 

[caroline_13]

Yeah, how do you deal with hurt?

My heard unequivocally tells me to let someone back in if he comes back into my life...

I just don't know how I can be a person who doesn't fall into my ruts of distrust.

 

[Mach123]

I’m a little better lately. My default response is there’s a reason I feel like this. Second is can I lessen the impact or not run over it in my mind as long or feel as strongly by questioning it. Simple stuff. Do I have to feel like this, do I want to. The do I want to part is tricky. I had an instance today actually. I was laughing at myself a little even as I went through it and the overall impact was definitely lessened.
Seeing how repetitive it is really helps. Seeing how I put myself in the situation is frustrating. There’s some improvement though. Like with everything practice helps .

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you to everyone. Yes this time is different, Idk, depression I guess. I try to think of it as Hyde vs Jekyl, or one person's opinion, or what I should appreciate. But I've been left just feeling down. Let down maybe? Or depleted, or exhausted, or all of the above. I don't really feel I have an opinion to express., even about this or in general. And somewhere aware of course everyone has their stuff to deal with, mine is my own. A bit more mindful of what around me brings me down, but still depressed. Everything is difficult, even the necessary or familiar. But the worst is just starting. And trying to minimize errors.

Unrelated the other day I found out my name, full and diminutive, means, affection, love and tenderness in Japanese. Which kind of made me laugh, maybe I live in the wrong country lol.

 

[Hallowean]

How do you deal with hurt and insults, or where do you put it to function? It feels like grief, or rather leaves me like grief leaves me.

How does it affect your self image? What do you think or do to deal with it and get through the day when it just seems to add evidence to lack of worth or the futility of trying to move forward, or weighs heavily on your mind? I guess ir shouldn't matter if it's just 'words' but it also results in a lot of shame for me.

Thank you for any input or ideas if you are familiar.

Hello, I'm new here. I'm not a counselor or anything but figured I could try and help. This life is just plain tough at times as many of us humans know...no one is immune from being hurt. All of this social media mess etc has been the icing on the cake when it comes to bullying etc. How do I deal with verbal abuse now in my middle years? I take steps to avoid it. For example, if I am getting to know someone and they are speaking ill of another (such as gossip), I avoid further communication with them. I myself do not talk ill of others (with the exception of some members of the guvernment ofcourse ;). Has being verbally abused affected me in the past, yes, especially from one of my siblings but sadly no one except my other siblings sees it as abuse. I avoid said sibling at all costs. It's sad really, such a waste of time. With emotional pain it takes time to heal and learn how to avoid it in the future, accepting we can't always avoid everything that's negative. I once heard or read that even when down in the dumps to just smile, it does something to help boost the mood...even if just a little. One other thing that I heard over the radio which I really liked is "hurt people, hurt people". Whoever it is being negative/abusive likely is hurting inside themselves. This world is just plain tough at times (worth repeating). Time is the great healer and I also suggest prayer and reading scriptures. Hopefully today since your post you are feeling better.

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you @Hallowean , and welcome to you!

Well I still find the negative feeling hard to shake, but I agree with your post. As others have said if it fulfills one's own beliefs about one's self, and is embedded with triggers, it's a powder keg I throw my own match in to. I do agree with your post, and I try to foster a culture of appreciation in my thoughts, even if it's probably 1-sided. It is hard when one can't escape it; I have had a reprieve for 2 1/2 days and it helps a bit. I think also I am too run down and tired, likely. Sometimes it's hard to see beyond a narrow focus. Usually I can bounce back sort of, but not easy this time.

Thank you! 🤗

 

[Teasel]

Much caring @CoolBreezeonahotday
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