How do you deal with someone that really irritates you?

Givrali

MyPTSD Pro
Someone is getting on my nerves a lot lately but I'm way too emotional to not react to her. I'm avoiding her my best but we don't have a lot of space to share and I can't not hear her when she keeps complaining about absolutely everything. I remind myself have only have 10 more days to endure but it sounds forever to me
 

Agita Kaput

Policy Enforcement
Sponsor
Two thoughts:
Look at this guy. He's spent 20 years with BPDish and NPDish people. I got 18 before I went to college - my mom was BOTH.
I think you will identify with Dr Schwartz description of interacting with the borderline type even if you don't get the therapeutic model.
(If your interested I can interpret the lingo part/exile/protector/firefighter but you want to know how to remain unaffected not heal)

Grey rock is wonderful with a Narcissist who gets off on YOUR REACTION and to use as a weapon to whack you with...
The focus is protecting you as an individual from giving a reaction that will feed sadistic glee and leak info about you for the next whack.

BPD/EUPD (Borderline) dynamic is way different.
Grey rock actually takes substantial energy, You can hold it up well for about 10 minutes before you lose your mind all by yourself.
You need to escape to the bathroom at minute 9.
The energy drain from GR goes against healthy human nature, blocks your ability to have compassion.
because the expression of compassion would REALLY set off a Narc. DONT show it if you got it (somehow).
We are wired to help, and that's what your refuge is for a bit. That's what your associate needs.
She will eat up compassion - just don't become THE person in the group who offers it.
(The rage after she realizes you can't save her will go to you)
Which brings up... in a group, her pull/push is diffused. Think about that 😇
@Roland
 
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Agita Kaput

Policy Enforcement
Sponsor
I don't understand how this video could help me with her
Perhaps it would not. I was replying to Teasel who knows exactly the kind of defenses the annoying person (NPD) uses.
It might help her (the OP) to make sense of the dependent / rage cycle and by simply understanding, develop a strategy that works for her.
Like dealing with a borderline, you can think to yourself.. "love hate hurt love hate hurt love hate hurt"

Oh.... I see you want somebody to save (love) you now.
Oh.... I see you want somebody to abandon (hate) you now.
Oh.... I see you want to make it all somebody's fault and hurt them.
Oh.... I see you want to make it all your fault and hurt you.
Go to step one. Repeat.

For a 'normal' person who just annoys you?
Annoyance becomes sticky because we want to DO SOMETHING to stop it. Unable to, were now annoying our incapable selves.
By wanting a person to change, to "just be normal for five minutes will ya?" Nah. Not gonna happen.
But for a normal person you could also recognize they have some good parts, some bad, some hidden, some in the spotlight.

In all cases... "Take Nothing Personally"
 
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Magnolia

New Here
ha, ha, hello. if you actually do not like this person and have no desire of being her friend the best option is grey rocking. this pretty much works on any person but it is specefically recommended for cluster b. essentelly it is do not react. do not reach out on your own. nod and say "m-hm" or "yes i see."

do not offer any things that creates emotionel burden of you. (i.e. support, things like that.) some times i just say "oh i see what you mean." and then move on. for exampel i had had people at my old job "oh my god this boss is awful terrible! wah! what do you think!" i say "mm. i see." "what do you mean you see? what?" "mm. you sound pretty frustrated." "yeah. omg. balalal." "i see." they get bored and move on.

here is an articel about it. (some of it is quite stigmatizing toward certain disorders. but the metheds included which is the only real articel i found that goes into detail of the methods.) it's not the whole story but essentelly becoming non-emoteve and non-interacteve.
Good strategy. We use that with kids in elementary school too. Some kid tearing up the classroom, you go in and say, "What's wrong". They tell you about their soggy cereal and their socks keep falling down, and you say, "I see."
 
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