Relationship How Do You Guys Do It? Im Struggling.

[Shoeprint55]

Hi guys.
As the title says really. Shes having another bad day and I don't know what to do, I cant help but get upset.
I don't know why I'm here or what I expect to gain from posting here or even what to write right now, I just, I dunno need help or support or something.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Sorry you are having such a rough time today @Shoeprint55. Those rough period suck, without a doubt.

Vent away here... gripe, bitch complain... do what you need to do to get it out. We understand those bad days completely.

I get through it by remembering what an awesome guy my vet is when he is feeling more himself. The good times make the bad times worth it. Even if he is being rude and obnoxious, isolating, or kicked into hyper-vig mode... what have you. That and I take time out to relax and take care of myself when he is in his own PTSD world. I make sure I stay calm, eat healthy, exercise and try to get plenty of sleep (which is the hardest for me).

 

[adriftatsea]

Sorry you're having a rough day. I try my very best to keep myself grounded. I find it beneficial to just come on here and vent and sometimes the responses are very helpful, sometimes it's just nice to know you're not alone in what you're going through, and sometimes it's just nice to vent and clear your head.

As I've been encouraged to do, and sweetpea stresses above, find a way to take care of yourself during these bad times as it is quite important to take care of you too. It's hard to rememer that what they're experiencing or if they're pushing you away, angry, depressed, etc. has nothing to do with you and not to take it personal.

It's so hard to remember that the most we can provide is support and love. I have to remind myself of this almost daily as I wish there was more I could do for my hubby, but I can't change the way his brain works, I can't force him to get help when he's not willing or ready, and that he has to make a conscience decision to work through this.

I think the other piece of advice I've found most appreciated too is making sure you have healthy boundries with your loved one during their bad times and making sure you stick to those boundaries and know when it's turning very unhealthy.

Best of luck and chin up.

 

[Peach]

It's hard to rememer that what they're experiencing or if they're pushing you away, angry, depressed, etc. has nothing to do with you and not to take it personal.

This is so true and an excellent point. I'd also add that I take anything negative said to me/about us while he's in the midst of an overflow is taken with a big grain of salt. If I'm left hurt or confused, we will discuss it, but not until he's calmed down again and able to have a rational conversation. Don't push it right then and there, it'll say you a lot of trouble in the long run if you wait a bit.

 

[catlover26]

Just post whatever you are feeling. Sometimes I post not really expecting a response or asking for one. It just really helps to 'get it all out'.

Mine is also an Alcoholic so I started Al-Anon 3 mos ago. Taking care of myself and my serenity has helped me more than anything. I can't fix him. It is a hard thing to accept at times but I waste my breath trying to give him advice and just became frustrated and angry in the process. I don't really get angry at him but maybe at myself for wasting my time trying so hard to talk to him when he is feeling down.

Al-Anon also teaches you not to react to things they say that are irrational. I think that can apply with anyone. I really have to practice at that one because he can say some things that don't make any sense and if I get caught up in that conversation it can go downhill fast and he has said some hurtful things to me that I know he really didn't mean. So during those times he just needed some space and maybe me to listen or make an excuse and stop listening to it if I have to.

Come back here as often as you need to. You will find much in common with those on here.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

One day at a time. One hour at a time. One minute at a time. Take life with ptsd in very small bites.