How do you handle unnecessary guilt?

[Leisel]

Sometimes I get this overwhelming guilt, even when I know I've done nothing wrong and nobody is upset with me. Does this happen to anyone else? How do you deal with it?

 

[user44376]

Sometimes I get this overwhelming guilt, even when I know I've done nothing wrong and nobody is upset wi...

My m

Sorry for potato-post above. I really dislike iPhone keys.

 

[mamachick]

I think of it as this...If I did something wrong/made a mistake, it =guilt
If I am wrong/a mistake, it=shame
I concluded that often I am dealing with shame and not guilt
I don't deal with it very effectively.

 

[user44376]

This is my mother's handiwork. It's so embarrassing to admit this still handicaps me. I was subjected to a lot of shaming and guilt coming up. I've recently gained some control of it thanks to my ex-wife. I carried the guilt of our marriage ending, even though she was just as much to blame, just in a less obvious way. That's how men and women are. I carried that damn guilt and it sucked so much joy from my life. I only recently put it in its place.

Thankfully I don't feel guilty for much else. I did a lot of work letting it go. I try to do good things so it gives me perspective in case some guilt comes back.

 

[mamachick]

@AddHomnym-so glad you have been able to let it go.
In truth, I am working on it. I see how carrying the guilt can provide a false sense of control. (in a twisted way) If I am responsible,then in a twisted way, I caused (whatever). I tend to blame myself and make excuses for others, also referred to my best strength and my worst weakness is "empathy". I am really working hard to share the mistakes with others and not be guilty of it all! Im just not that powerful!

 

[EmmaOwl]

Sometimes I handle guilt by apologizing for the same small things, over and over. As you might guess, it is not a very effective method. Some people have (kindly!) told me to quit on the unnecessary apologies. It's rough.

but it's part of my ptsd. I'm afraid of people being mad at me - even if I can't think of something I did wrong, I assume I must've done something bad. Just because I am bad. So... I do not handle unnecessary guilt very well but maybe I'll learn something from this thread.

 

[mamachick]

Allie D I sure understand that. I just know that it has made me a victim in many ways. Those who perceive you will take the blame when the sun doesn't shine will make us the scapegoats....and I have been in that role way too long.

 

[Prough]

A while back I came to the conclusion that most of my feelings are evil, and hell bent on ruining my life. I still try to feel them, but I recognized I needed supervision. I turned to my support network. Those people that know me, better than I do.

If I'm up all night, feeling bad, I go to my dog. If he cuddles with me I know I gotta let this one go, cuz I didn't do anything wrong. But if he ignores me it usually means I was an asshole, and need to work on an apology to someone. It seems silly and arbitrary, but after a year, it kind of feels safer to trust my feelings.

 

[Chem Lady]

Allie D, your response could've been mine word for word. I read this thread with the intention of trying to share my own thoughts on guilt, but you helped me feel less crazy. I often feel ridiculous for being so incredibly scared of people being mad at me. I'm 13 years in to this crazy disorder and I am only just now realizing how terrified I am of people being angry at me.
Thank you for your post.

Leisel,
I too will suddenly find I just feel guilty. I'm learning that it is for a reason. Some small thing occurred and I feel guilty. I know this is because all my life I felt like I had to be perfect in order to hold my family together. If something goes wrong or someone is upset then I feel guilt because somehow I was supposed to be Wonder Woman. Now, when I feeel guilt I put effort into finding the cause and then I have to try to get myself to understand that I'm not responsible for everything in the world.