Tonight was the first time I've ever truly felt doubtful or angry at my girlfriend with PTSD. Yesterday was her mother's birthday and she was deeply affected by it since she was abused and neglected by her throughout her life. She felt weak since couldn't fight the hurt any longer, and decided to get drunk earlier and throughout the conversation we were having to deal with that pain.
She called me out on being dishonest because I withheld information from her. I would like to emphasize that the issue was not about fidelity. She made that clear to me. She felt that I was being dishonest since I told her about a recent instance where I told off a girl, who was hitting on me, and she asked why I didn't tell her this when it happened in the first place. This discussion was brought up on skype when she told me about feeling weary of having close friends of the opposite sex and told me that she was dealing with that lately. Before she left for the summer we decided to set a rule that we should not place ourselves in compromising situations and "we should not do things that we would not be comfortable telling the other person about." I spoke with her saying I deemed it appropriate to talk about within the context on our conversation.
We stopped skyping and started texting each other. She accepted that it was appropriate at the time for me to tell her about that instance but it began a new conversation about her openness and trust issues. It lead to a discussion about her own issue with feeling like she cant be honest with me since she still feels like I will judge her, even after telling me about her PTSD, child abuse, and trauma.
She told me, "I feel like something is wrong with me but i haven't wanted to say anything, I've been too scared. I just feel like you will judge me even if you think you know what I'm going through. I've been having a lot of problems with depression lately and I feel really alone. I guess I just don't want you to hurt like I have. I don't know how to let anyone be a part of that"
I told her that when she closes the door and doesn't respond when I knock, I wonder if she is trying to get away from me. I told her I take her actions personally at times. That I want to be supportive since I know she is deeply affected by her past and her PTSD, and that they contribute to our communication and the way we interact with each other.
She told me She was sorry and that she wishes her words meant more.
I told her "babe, talk to me, you aren't alone" I called her twice with no response. I am angry, sad, and frustrated that she left me in that conversation without letting me know if she is alright or at least alive. It hurts even more since she told me she felt alone and depressed so I am just left with my imagination. I know that it is not right to do that to me since I care so much about her well-being and deserve to know if she is alright.
I know she feels like our relationship issues are more important than her own personal issues. She feels like we don't have time for her own personal issues since she believes we don't even have time or a solution for our own relationship problems.
I don't know how to approach her issue with believing that I will judge her, not being honest with me, and withholding information from me. I cant pretend like this behavior is alright with me.
It's hard and frustrating to keep knocking. I am unsure if it's her PTSD, if she really does/doesn't love me, or a combination of both that is preventing her openness and trust towards me.
I've come to realize our biggest issue and greatest hurdle is communication. I don't know how to keep knocking when no one is answering the door.
She called me out on being dishonest because I withheld information from her. I would like to emphasize that the issue was not about fidelity. She made that clear to me. She felt that I was being dishonest since I told her about a recent instance where I told off a girl, who was hitting on me, and she asked why I didn't tell her this when it happened in the first place. This discussion was brought up on skype when she told me about feeling weary of having close friends of the opposite sex and told me that she was dealing with that lately. Before she left for the summer we decided to set a rule that we should not place ourselves in compromising situations and "we should not do things that we would not be comfortable telling the other person about." I spoke with her saying I deemed it appropriate to talk about within the context on our conversation.
We stopped skyping and started texting each other. She accepted that it was appropriate at the time for me to tell her about that instance but it began a new conversation about her openness and trust issues. It lead to a discussion about her own issue with feeling like she cant be honest with me since she still feels like I will judge her, even after telling me about her PTSD, child abuse, and trauma.
She told me, "I feel like something is wrong with me but i haven't wanted to say anything, I've been too scared. I just feel like you will judge me even if you think you know what I'm going through. I've been having a lot of problems with depression lately and I feel really alone. I guess I just don't want you to hurt like I have. I don't know how to let anyone be a part of that"
I told her that when she closes the door and doesn't respond when I knock, I wonder if she is trying to get away from me. I told her I take her actions personally at times. That I want to be supportive since I know she is deeply affected by her past and her PTSD, and that they contribute to our communication and the way we interact with each other.
She told me She was sorry and that she wishes her words meant more.
I told her "babe, talk to me, you aren't alone" I called her twice with no response. I am angry, sad, and frustrated that she left me in that conversation without letting me know if she is alright or at least alive. It hurts even more since she told me she felt alone and depressed so I am just left with my imagination. I know that it is not right to do that to me since I care so much about her well-being and deserve to know if she is alright.
I know she feels like our relationship issues are more important than her own personal issues. She feels like we don't have time for her own personal issues since she believes we don't even have time or a solution for our own relationship problems.
I don't know how to approach her issue with believing that I will judge her, not being honest with me, and withholding information from me. I cant pretend like this behavior is alright with me.
It's hard and frustrating to keep knocking. I am unsure if it's her PTSD, if she really does/doesn't love me, or a combination of both that is preventing her openness and trust towards me.
I've come to realize our biggest issue and greatest hurdle is communication. I don't know how to keep knocking when no one is answering the door.
