How Do You Know When You're In Crisis?

[theshadowoftheliving]

To loop back to the original question: I agree that it can be hard to know what a crisis is. It's always different from my perspective than from an outsider's perspective. Like, what exactly constitutes harm? I know that other people would fit self-harm into this category, but what if it's the thing that keeps you from bigger and worse harm, such as killing yourself?

This is the sort of question I always have - and it's the strange sort of thing where I can't wrap my head around why it's harming me, but would argue vehemently against someone else hurting themselves in this way. I know that others have thought I needed hospitalization, because they were afraid that I'd miscalculate and accidentally suicide, but I could never believe that was a possibility.

So to answer, I'm not sure. But I'm not sure we always know? Le sigh.

 

[QueenPhina]

I think you know it when you see it.

I don't mean to be glib - I had the same question for myself for a long time, until the day that I didn't.

I liked that response, because I felt the same way - I never quite knew what a "crisis" was. You call a 1-800 Prevent Suicide Hotline and you get the whole "if this is an emergency, hang up and dial 911". Every time I heard that message I always hesitated.. it was like, "I should maybe hang up and just call 911". But I didn't. Cause I guess somehow some part of me knew it wasn't exactly a crisis?

"Crisis" to me is that day when you do hang up after making the 1-800 call for the big 911 call. You don't hesitate. You know you need to call.
But,then that's before the next "stage" where you, say, don't pick up the phone in the first place to make the 1-800 call. That's a crisis, right?

@sun seeker what an articulate way of putting that all together! Very interesting concept, the 3 stages.. I can deff see that. Love the way you worded it.

@Hope4Now all in all I think it's when you feel your life is in danger, or rather you're a danger to yourself. For me, it was the day I couldn't promise my therapist, let alone my own parent, that I wasn't a danger to myself.

I'm wishing you the best in your journey.

 

[Tinyflame]

This is a hard question to answer, except perhaps internally honestly. I relate to what @joeylittle & @scout86 & @sun seeker & what @richter scale & the others have said.

I guess closest to the worst crises I've felt kind of 'floaty' & could only think or plan of how to end it, it never occurred to me there was 'help' because I didn't see how anyone could help.

I think crises can be reduced or prevented if you can bring up what the real difficulty +/or fear is, new or more perspective on it may affect the way you feel entirely. It's almost like you have to stop telling yourself yourself you can manage it on your own.

(Plus sleep & self-care will help too.)

(((((((( @Hope4Now ))))))

 

[shimmerz]

I don't know that all crisis is bad and I think that is important to note, especially for us.

The dictionary defines crisis as this:

1. a stage in a sequence of events at which the trend of all future events, especially for better or for worse, is determined; turning point.
2. a condition of instability or danger, as in social, economic, political, or international affairs, leading to a decisive change.
3. a dramatic emotional or circumstantial upheaval in a person's life.
4. Medicine/Medical.

1. the point in the course of a serious disease at which a decisive change occurs, leading either to recovery or to death.
2. the change itself.

5. the point in a play or story at which hostile elements are most tensely opposed to each other.

Crisis can mean upheaval, change, as noted above that can lead to either better or for worse (maybe some of each).

I think a crisis in the sense of 'reaching out' may be defined more as when we are not able to navigate (or feel we are not) during a crisis.

 

[Hope4Now]

Thank you all for your input on this. I guess there are multiple crises in my life at the moment (there always seem to be). I've just been feeling pretty desperate. But I will be okay. I suppose the real issue for me is that I don't feel that I have the right to ask for help unless I am in crisis. So I wait and wait until things get so intense. I need to keep practicing what I've been doing and asking for support before it gets that far.

Thanks for reframing this, @shimmerz.

the point in a play or story at which hostile elements are most tensely opposed to each other.

This pretty much sums it up. I suppose that I am at the point that this crisis is a change for good...and that scares a lot of my parts.

I think a crisis in the sense of 'reaching out' may be defined more as when we are not able to navigate (or feel we are not) during a crisis.

This is, I guess, what I'm most feeling.

 

[shimmerz]

and that scares a lot of my parts

Yes. They need to realize that this is for the good of the system. Is there any part in there that knows that?

 

[Hope4Now]

@shimmerz, my SELF knows this is the right thing to do--leaving work to get healthy, but my SELF is not often tuned in, and when it is, it's pretty staticky and my parts don't trust it. So this is all pretty terrifying.

I have let my boss know and have started the application for disability leave from work in hopes that the time for rest and therapeutic work will prevent me from sliding into a far worse place than I am right now. I am trying to stay focused on that...that I have really decided to take this huge step, and that it could be really good for me even though it seems like it isn't a good idea at all. I am trying to prevent myself from backpedaling and changing my mind the way I have been doing for a year.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear @Hope4Now , I woke up this morning thinking "Why do we have to wait until the crisis worsens or we lose everything (+/or including our life) to ask for help?" Because I do think in our heart of hearts we know we are in crisis (the problem sometimes is then we decide what we (without any thoughts of help possible +/or we are not worth help) are going to 'do' about it. (I suspect that's the autopilot feeling that is devoid of memory or emotion, likely constricted thinking & grief to 'accomplish' taking action, some action).

Is is not healthier to just try?

I say this because I had a very real troubling issue/ info received saturday night, but I thought of something sunday morning, & it enabled me to go try & get help. I 'knew' it would be devastating, & was (what I found out & where my heart & head would take it), I tried to minimize or deny it. But I knew sunday it was going to implode on me if I didn't get some help. (Just like a scenario in 2008, different experience but same recognition. I didn't ask for help though & then it just about did me in). But I didn't know if it would be helpful or how I would find the words or if there would be help, & it was 'yes' or possible on all counts, even though I don't know how. :notworthy: Very grateful. It went from 'horrific' to better than before it happened. :wideeyed:

I think your decision is sound. We can't let doubts overcome us. They can start subtly, but they are anything but benign.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

 

[Ronin]

Crisis is good, crisis is when everything clears out and becomes simple, when I'm forced to be most creative because anything else just isn't an option and things need be done instead of simply thought about, it's all of the almost-crisis and nothing-happening, just get through days that I'm having more difficulty with. Crises simplify & beautify all of that grey. Crises feel very living (or dying, but that can be rather flipped).

 

[DogwoodTree]

Sorry to dig up an older thread...my brain just won't let go of this site, and it's so refreshing to hear people saying the thoughts in my head.

dissociated through entire appointments with therapist

That's considered a crisis? I've had several appointments like that, and he didn't seem too worried. But then, he never seems worried. I guess that's part of his job description.

When you didn't get the chance to learn, growing up, that "Help" was a real, true, good option or that YOU matter, it would be hard to know where the lines are.

Yes, exactly. I've been in crisis by these definitions before, but calling for help just never happened. No one wants to be bothered with my junk. They'll give me the high-five when I report that I lived through it, but no one wants to hear about it when the struggle is happening.

it never occurred to me there was 'help' because I didn't see how anyone could help.

...and this is why they don't want to hear about. What in the world are they going to do? Words, hugs, presence...none of that really helps me anyway. And if I'm in shutdown mode, there's no interaction at all.

I've come to the conclusion...unless I'm at the point of making sure it all ends...it doesn't really qualify as a crisis. And if I'm at that point, well, I would probably be too committed to it to bother calling anyone anyway.

 

[Chava]

That's considered a crisis?

I guess, yes, in the context. She was an eating disorder specialist. I was losing weight and stopped talking and was spaced out and unreachable. Hospital time. For the therapy and the downward spiral, it was crisis time because she couldn't help me. I still space out but not usually for entire sessions and not every week. I think something needs to be checked if a patient is dissociating through much of therapy...something isn't working.

 

[Hope4Now]

It is so interesting that this thread has come up again in my alerts. I forgot about it completely.

When you need to scream for help? What does "crisis" mean, really? I mean all the psychotherapist's answering machines say, "If this is an emergency, dial 911." How do you know when something is an emergency? Seriously?

I wrote this on April 6th. It was around a week or so after this that I ended up "screaming for help" (in the form of a text to my therapist and then later that day an emergency appointment with him and my husband, and then a stint in the ER and then a longer stint in the psych unit of a different hospital, complete with ambulance ride. Yikes. I certainly did crash. It was a hideous and traumatic experience, but I learned a lot from it.

I learned:

1. it is risky to ask for help because you don't always get what you need or think you need
2. if you're actually afraid that you might not be able to stop your selfparts from hurting you, the hospital is a safe place to be for a bit...even if it's awful and doesn't feel safe
3. even though the whole fiasco was a complete traumatic reliving of aspects of my childhood and youth, and even though it took me 5 full days of frantic-ness before I settled and was able to separate the traumatic past from the traumatic present, and even though I still am processing the after-effects of what happened, the experience showed me in a really clear way that elements of what happened to me as a kid were actually REAL (I didn't make them up), and it let me get to know one of my parts very, very well.
4. the experience has, in retrospect, allowed me to touch on the feelings of anger and to understand that it comes from feeling confused, frustrated, and trapped. Panic anger.

I learned other things too, but these are the things that have helped me get to this new place I am in my psyche. Which looks kind of worse on the outside but I know is better overall. I know I need more help than what I am getting. I know I need to figure out what it is I need and that this is hard for me, but I am working on it. I know I need to communicate better with my therapist what is going on with me. And I know I will need to try different things and some may work and some may not...and that's okay. It is part of this nutty journey I'm on. Next week I go, voluntarily, to a residential program for two weeks. I have a lot of doubts about it...but we'll see. Maybe it will help me gain some additional skills so I can manage a future crisis. I am trying to keep an open mind.