One of my biggest problems is trust. I have trouble trusting everyone. Even my best friend that has actually helped me a whole lot in recovering. And when I'm having a bad day he is always there. I have managed to make some healthy boundaries and stick to them but that has alienated me from just about everyone.
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How Do You Learn To Trust People Again?
- Post starter Skyalex
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Carmen J. Brown
Bronze Member
I have been struggling with this the same thing. No matter how good of a friend someone has been to me and no matter for how long or how consistent they have been, I still find myself distrusting them. I go between being isolating myself (from my closest friends who have always been there for me) to being clingy with people and there is no in between. I have also been trying to be more aware of this so then I can somehow stop it. (Although I haven't really had any success either so I would also like to know if anyone knows how to deal with this???)
And most people don't deserve it so there goes a conundrum. :roflmao:
arfie
Diamond Member
Trust is a works in progress for me, as well, but I am pretty sure that "healthy" boundaries don't alienate. I don't try to set boundaries while I am too hyper-vigilant to trust.
I also start with self-trust, even when there are clear and eminent reasons to mistrust the current circumstances. Maybe especially then. I believe that navigating a sticky situation goes better if I trust my own instincts.
I also start with self-trust, even when there are clear and eminent reasons to mistrust the current circumstances. Maybe especially then. I believe that navigating a sticky situation goes better if I trust my own instincts.
Sunshineturtle
Bronze Member
I don't .
I need to heal
New Here
Hi sky Alex,
Know how you feel. It took a long time for me with trust... only then when I started to regain some self esteem & trust - to discover that people were messing with me, cyberstalking, harassment & playing sick games of he said/she said by pitting my perpetrator against me - I was put through so much & then when I started to stand up for myself these people started to sabotage my work & bully me. Even as far as sending messages into my work inbox. I have realized today that 'the powers that be'- don't actually want abuse victims coming forward or disrupting the course of their political regimes/ corporate & govt control - they will do everything to further traumatize & shut you down. I have acquaintances & one possible friend - who I still question/worry at times. The lone wolf is an apt name for those of us experiencing PTSD, for the trauma that places us into a vulnerable state makes us fair game for the narcissists to take all. I've even had people on social media write titles to me like 'the never ending story' or accuse me of being the narcissist for speaking out & trying to rediscover me. We live in a cruel cruel world. Trust no one, rely on your gut instinct & go with your intuition. Upon the hope I had when first moving away I talked about wanting to thrive,but humanity gave me enough reality checks over time that I now understand it simply becomes a need to survive.
All people are flawed. To err is human. You can trust that. I find that when I think in terms of good or bad people, it messes me up. Often, when someone does something hurtful, they don't even realize it. I don't think many people are outright malicious. I find comfort in being compassionate, even with people whose behavior is the most despicable. I'm not necessarily doing it for them. I'm doing it for me. Because I've noticed that the more negative thoughts and feelings I have toward other people, the more I bring those feelings on myself. I choose friends who have consistently shown supportive, kind behavior toward me and people in general. I know that at some point my friends and I will disappoint each other because all people are messed up in one way or another. We'll also disappoint each other because we have different values and ideas about how people should behave. All we can do is surround ourselves with people who bring us more positive feelings and support more often than the rest.
Tornadic Thoughts
VIP Member
I've always been what others have described as overly trusting. Always fully trusting others until they gave me a reason not to. Which may be part of why I landed in so many uncomfortable circumstances, I suppose. But after having the experiences I've had, and to the extent I've had them, both personally and professionally, I find it harder to be as lovingly open as I used to be with all the beings I cross paths with nowadays, especially of the human variety.
It seems some of the deepest and most heartfelt interactions I've shared (even in the strictest of supposed confidentiality settings) have also been the same ones who were real quick to shove a knife in my back, destroying any and all trust built up to that point. I've learned I have to work harder on learning to recognize and heal my own wounds while learning to better read my own intuition. I no longer ignore my gut feelings, no matter how much someone tries to convince me otherwise.
Ronin mentioned the trusting self part. Yes! That, too! Big time. I had done so many disturbing things I would never choose to do had I not been trying to survive that I sometimes find it hard to trust my own judgement. I mean, look where I landed myself all those times I nearly lost my life. That's where I have to remember to work hard at trying to intercept the automatic inner ass-kicking done by self to reassure my heart and brain that choices of the past are no longer necessary. I've found it to be a tough one to get through, that's for sure.
It seems some of the deepest and most heartfelt interactions I've shared (even in the strictest of supposed confidentiality settings) have also been the same ones who were real quick to shove a knife in my back, destroying any and all trust built up to that point. I've learned I have to work harder on learning to recognize and heal my own wounds while learning to better read my own intuition. I no longer ignore my gut feelings, no matter how much someone tries to convince me otherwise.
Ronin mentioned the trusting self part. Yes! That, too! Big time. I had done so many disturbing things I would never choose to do had I not been trying to survive that I sometimes find it hard to trust my own judgement. I mean, look where I landed myself all those times I nearly lost my life. That's where I have to remember to work hard at trying to intercept the automatic inner ass-kicking done by self to reassure my heart and brain that choices of the past are no longer necessary. I've found it to be a tough one to get through, that's for sure.
@Skyalex I've been thinking about the question, "How Do You Learn To Trust People Again?". A couple of things have occurred to me.
First, when my PTSD is not running things, I believe most people want to be good people. The problem is we all have our strengths and weaknesses. I try to trust people where their strengths lie. Sure that means I never trust anyone completely but is does mean I can trust them where they are strong.
Second I try very hard to be trustworthy despite my PTSD. Most people believe in reciprocity. If you are trustworthy they will try very hard to be trustworthy in return.
First, when my PTSD is not running things, I believe most people want to be good people. The problem is we all have our strengths and weaknesses. I try to trust people where their strengths lie. Sure that means I never trust anyone completely but is does mean I can trust them where they are strong.
Second I try very hard to be trustworthy despite my PTSD. Most people believe in reciprocity. If you are trustworthy they will try very hard to be trustworthy in return.
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