SeekingAfrica
Diamond Member
Because of my mental health working in office was not very successful for me from the start. Eventually, I moved to have my own work online business. I was doing good for some years, but then my mental health took a (bigger) dip and ever since then I've been struggling. I have days when my health makes leaving my apartment impossible(lately I have more of those), and I haven't had enough consistent work online, probably because all I'm going through has made me doubt my skills and made applications a challenge on its own. I had recently registered my business in the country I'm in right now, and therefore haven't been in business for long enough with good enough pay to be able to get a credit card(which takes longer for self-employment- I need to have been registered for min 18months to be considered).
My health has been getting worse, so I work when I can and have days in which I barely do anything and hate myself for it. I need to make more to get enough for therapy. I have the skills to build a side business to help myself, but that, by experience, would take anyone minimum of 6 months to build to a decent income(lets say to cover at least half or all of my living expenses). And that is if I really can dedicate more of my focus on building that business, but there are weeks when that is not possible. Either if I get a work gig that is awfully paid so I need to do full work week without even being able to scrape by(severly underpaid, but need it, because it's still income), and some other weeks my health is at worse level. Some weeks it's all okay. But everything is very up and down and inconsistent. Let's assume I wanted to go on disability, leaving alone the fact that I don't live in my birth country, if I did return and did the process that would still take a long time, and I really don't have whom to take care of me in that time. I tried staying with my family and that is no longer and option for either of us.
For a while I've been telling myself to be hopeful. To try. Do what I have to do. I borrowed and returned loans to friends. I did good online gigs with great clients and really bad ones when needed. I reduced my expenses. I moved home and move out again when that got really bad. I tried applying for any job I could, as many as I could, local, full time, freelance clients and all. Made some money, returned debts, and so on and so on...it was a hard year. But the situation keeps being this way and I'm so lost. I know the fastest impact would be made if I was at better capacity, so therapy, but I need better work to afford that. Nothing free or sliding scale here. My meds are keeping me afloat and surviving, but to get me to good state I need possibly bigger dose and I can't pay for the appointment I need to do that. Side business would help a lot, because once it's build it will be able to get at least some passive income, and that would be priceless...but as I said I need to be able to put time into it, without feeling guilty for not working whatever random jobs I can find to at least survive. Also the side business will use skills for which I have more talent and passion therefore making it easier to operate in lower health days.
It feels like the only option I can take is to keep working the work I have and be underpaid and whatever, as long as I survive. But doing that negatively impacts my health. But I can't do what I need for my health, but my health doesn't care. I feel like I'm playing a card game and I've used up all my useful cards and now I don't know what to do to stay in the game.
My health has been getting worse, so I work when I can and have days in which I barely do anything and hate myself for it. I need to make more to get enough for therapy. I have the skills to build a side business to help myself, but that, by experience, would take anyone minimum of 6 months to build to a decent income(lets say to cover at least half or all of my living expenses). And that is if I really can dedicate more of my focus on building that business, but there are weeks when that is not possible. Either if I get a work gig that is awfully paid so I need to do full work week without even being able to scrape by(severly underpaid, but need it, because it's still income), and some other weeks my health is at worse level. Some weeks it's all okay. But everything is very up and down and inconsistent. Let's assume I wanted to go on disability, leaving alone the fact that I don't live in my birth country, if I did return and did the process that would still take a long time, and I really don't have whom to take care of me in that time. I tried staying with my family and that is no longer and option for either of us.
For a while I've been telling myself to be hopeful. To try. Do what I have to do. I borrowed and returned loans to friends. I did good online gigs with great clients and really bad ones when needed. I reduced my expenses. I moved home and move out again when that got really bad. I tried applying for any job I could, as many as I could, local, full time, freelance clients and all. Made some money, returned debts, and so on and so on...it was a hard year. But the situation keeps being this way and I'm so lost. I know the fastest impact would be made if I was at better capacity, so therapy, but I need better work to afford that. Nothing free or sliding scale here. My meds are keeping me afloat and surviving, but to get me to good state I need possibly bigger dose and I can't pay for the appointment I need to do that. Side business would help a lot, because once it's build it will be able to get at least some passive income, and that would be priceless...but as I said I need to be able to put time into it, without feeling guilty for not working whatever random jobs I can find to at least survive. Also the side business will use skills for which I have more talent and passion therefore making it easier to operate in lower health days.
It feels like the only option I can take is to keep working the work I have and be underpaid and whatever, as long as I survive. But doing that negatively impacts my health. But I can't do what I need for my health, but my health doesn't care. I feel like I'm playing a card game and I've used up all my useful cards and now I don't know what to do to stay in the game.
