How Do You Not Scream..?

[Upside Down Eagle]

That's a great idea! That way I could actually put my emotion into words rather than just unintelligible sound. There is a topic somewhere on the forum as well where you just scribble down words that come to mind, first ten, then twenty and then thirty. I really liked that exercise, I'm going to try this the next time the screaming urge plays up. Thanks!!

As for the reference to the garden of Eden, I am afraid I don't get it :D

 

[shimmerz]

Garden of Eden - no stress
Serpent came - stress

This grey matter doesn't always work in a coherent fashion some days..... :confused:

 

[Ronin]

To be honest I'm having the opposite problem, being silent is easy. Screaming is too much effort or attention drawing. That and in most situations, it wouldn't really fix my problem.

But that level of anxiety, when I can, curling up. Pressure. Dark spaces. Limiting sensory input and staying in temperature that reminds me of least trouble possible. Also drinking, bc if I can drink, I'm essentially good / gonna stay alive, sort of response. That turns the basic 'unbearable' anxiety a few volumes down.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Maybe we should switch for a while, @Kaia ? ;) We can probably learn a lot from each other...

 

[scout86]

That's what I would like to learn in the end, control the automatic impulse

My T recently seemed to suggest that such things are possible and that it's something I might want pursue. Well, I DO want to pursue it. But there's been other stuff going on, both for him and for me, and I don't have any kind of answer to my "How am I supposed to do THAT?!" question. Yet, anyway. He has promised an answer. (Which I may or may not understand when I get it!)

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

I still think it's a matter of "convincing yourself", if that makes any sense, to anyone. Like the voice in your head that says: is this really what you want? is still very shy, and it doesn't shout, barely dares to speak up.The voice of anxiety on the other hand, is screaming like crazy. So it is logical that you'd be tempted to listen to the voice of anxiety.

It's hard to trust the small voice, because sufferers commonly aren't able to trust. In my experience, my inability to trust other people in a way also mirrors my inability to trust my "Self" (the part where that new voice is coming from). So I think it is a matter of trying to listen more often to the new voice. Giving it more credit. I'll admit that it is absurdly difficult though... I am trying...

 

[scout86]

One other thought @Radise I've done some reading on neuroplasticity. There is a theory that we can train our brains to favor new pathways with practice. Even for stuff like this. I think you're on to something and I think it all fits together. We have to "practice" better ways of thinking of things. We also have to accept that the learning process might be slow and difficult. If you quit, you never get anywhere. If you keep trying, who knows?

I THINK this is what my T means when he gives me "that look" and says, "You might want to consider finding a better way to look at that." He rarely GIVES me a better way, although he'll give hints. He'll give feedback, though, and sometimes new ideas, and will definitely encourage listening to and for that small, quiet voice.

I also REALLY think you're on to something with the trust thing. I hadn't thought of it in this context, but I think that's very useful insight!

 

[kspa]

I do scream. All the time. whenever I need to! Scream in the car on the highway. Scream in your house. Scream in a park. Never hold it in. It needs to come out. Your brain has huge piles of traffic backed up from trauma. Every scream, ever kick or punch in a pillow, every tear your cry, all of it helps break down that traffic jam and lead to healing your PTSD. Whatever you hold in prolongs your PTSD symptoms.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

My experience from last year is that sometimes it is better to put a stop on yourself. You know back then, my logic was that it needed to come out, that I hadn't been heard, that I had a right to voice my anger (I wrote it like that in my diary, back then). But since I have changed my mind a bit.

Last year (well technically two years ago, winter '13 and spring '14) what happened it "I set loose the beast" (Release the Kraken!!!). What happened is I spiraled downward in my own hate, my own resentment, my own incapacity to understand why. I dived into it and it got me nowhere. Since then I have learned that sometimes it is better to shift your focus. Sometimes you can only get OUT by forcing yourself to stop it.

Back then my attempts at "releasing" nearly drove me into suicide. It was only when I was forced to change (kicked out of my house, fighting with my supporters) that I began to emotionally stabilize. That's why, I really like the advice that Shimmerz handed out: instead of screaming, putting the emotion into words.

I'm not saying that being vocal is not the way to go. Some of us are not vocal enough and may really need to start expressing themselves and what they feel.