How Do You Observe Feelings Without Judgement?

[Thinkingman85]

I agree with Saffy :) . Another good teacher regarding the present moment is Leonard Jacobson. He's very deep. However, I think there's more than embracing the present moment because the PTSD still exists. It's just from my personal experience.

Buddhism has helped me understand the nature of suffering. Taoism has guided me toward living in the moment. Tao means "The Way". Science has helped me look at myself analytically and understand what is wrong with me. Psychology has helped me develop coping mechanisms and understand how people behave.

What I always have to deal with are thoughts that I feel like they don't belong. I have come to a fairly solid conclusion that they are delusional. The only reason I accept them is because I have to. However, I'm always trying to understand them. The more I understand them, the more ethereal they become. I think I may tend to deny what has happened to me or what I've done in the past and I've developed inconsistent thoughts and behaviors. The phrase "The Truth Shall Set You Free" is definitely something I abide by. I think with being a PTSD sufferer, getting to the truth is the challenge. An after effect can be thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that we don't want because we haven't processed everything correctly. Just my two cents :)

 

[Red Feather]

I have been doing this since it all started. I did it some how automatically because the practice is connected to the spiritual practice I was already involved in through my parents and ex. And then my mother went to India, to do something else and when she did it that, everything changed and I started feeling so much more. It was at the same time I was experienced the major trauma, and so I was in crisis and all over the place.

I do not know about these techniques mentioned in this thread, but my opinion is that the self knows what to do in order to heal. It is not only about learning not to judge, but also allowing feelings to express themselves. However ever since I got PTSD, I have stayed away from the spiritual people, because they definetely were not always good for me and were triggering. I just do things in my own way now.

In the last year, I have had the voice inside of me that really wants to give up and die, and I would just let that part of me express themself in my mind and then let go. Sometimes it really helps and the bad thoughts go away. But I am not always in the mindset to do this. It is sort of like a blessing that comes when it wants to come and sometimes it is really beautiful and I can feel so much healing.

So I would just say there is nothing to learn, but more lots of feeling to do. Embracing the feelings you have, and giving your pain lots of love. It takes a lot of courage to look at yourself and and look at the parts of you that are trying to hide because the pain is so big. I think this is also similar to doing inner child work. It is the judgement, which comes from the abuse, that makes the separation, and so the pain. Not to judge, means to accept and allow and forgive. Focussing on forgiving yourself might really help.

Also there is the ho'oponpono prayer. The words go like this: I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. It might help to tell this to your inner child.

And another mantra a friend showed me: I am the light of the soul. I am bountiful. I am beautiful. I am bliss. I am, I am. That one really helped me.

 

[saffy]

However, I'm always trying to understand them

I found that I was always over analysing and trying to understand every thought and feeling. I realised that sometime they are just there, as is. I do not need to understand them just accept that they are there and to stop trying to turn myself inside out trying to find and answer that is not there. It freed up so much mind and quietened a lot of inner dialogue or whys, whats and ifs.

For example, if I thought about a particular thing that happened, I would then question why and then came the what ifs, I then realised I can never change it anyway so why have I just tortured myself over this. I can now quite quickly decide whether to pursue a thought or let it go.

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Thinkingman85]

I agree with you on not being hard on yourself for past actions. Sometimes I have the sense of "I should've acted this way". The main reason that I'm analyzing my thoughts and behaviors is because I remember when there was a time when I was ok. I notice there are certain thoughts and behaviors that are inconsistent with how I once was. I think certain aspect of myself developed skewed perceptions. My goal is to have these perceptions realigned. In short, I'm trying to rebalance myself. The only reason I continue is because it feels like there is something wrong. It's an innate feeling that I believe has to be addressed. I'll keep in mind what you said because I've been "searching" for five years now and haven't cleaned out the closet completely. I believe that I'll be able to though. I may be wrong. Hopefully, I'm not. In life however, it's also about seeing the shades of grey.

 

[Hashi]

I have not been lucky enough to have face to face treatment as in the UK as it is still almost solely used for treating BPD (unlike the states and Australia for example)..

Just a quick aside, because I don't want to take this thread off course, but I've also done the long and difficult search for face to face DBT therapy in the UK and I found that the therapists who tend to be familiar with it and willing to use it in individual therapy are psychologists. I found potential DBT therapists through the British Psychological Society register/google search on psychology+trauma+DBT rather than through BACP or UKRCP (the psychotherapy registers). Also, psychotherapists who've worked in the NHS or private psychiatric hospitals are more likely to know DBT. Of course, you'd need to feel that any therapist and their approach were a good match for you as an individual. And of course it would be private and not NHS :(. And they're still hard to find.

Sorry Gizmo, back on topic:

Thank you for this thread! I've found the posts and the links very interesting. I've only done a little bit of DBT skills like non-judgemental mindfulness/radical acceptance with a therapist, the rest mostly on my own like Abstract. I'm glad to get this additional information about websites and books.

I have to say that I don't understand why washing the dishes seems to be a standard suggestion for practising mindfulness. Presumably other people find this useful but I found it about the most off-putting thing to try because it was so difficult. It's actually a really long time to practise something new. And like most people my kitchen sink is at the window, so the opportunities for distraction are really high. Being mindful washing up one mug, maybe. I think all the dishes is for advanced students, not beginners. And for people who have much more time than me!

 

[saffy]

I think that must be confusing Thinkingman85.

At least for me I can only work on who I want to be now as I have no past me. if that makes sense. I do not have to search for any of the past me for that part of me is gone or changed anyway.

Best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you everyone for your responses. I will have to order the book today Abstract. I am just beginning to learn about mindfulness and the other topics. I am glad I have this thread to go back to to refresh my mind.

 

[Thinkingman85]

Saffy, I'm with you. Yes, it is confusing. The thing that keeps me trying to change certain aspects of myself is possibly processing or making sense of traumas. For example, I believed that I was straight. However, five years ago, a gay guy tried to take advantage. His forceful actions left an imprint on my identity.

Sadly, certain girls and guys have deleted me as a friend on Facebook and I don't know why. Right now, I don't think I'm as comfortable with my sexual identity as the average person. So, as a consequence, I may act in a certain way that may be socially unacceptable (even though I didn't try to.) I am learning to get more and more comfortable with myself. Ultimately, my goal is to be as comfortable with myself as I was six years ago.

 

[saffy]

It a journey that you must take. I hope you find yourself.

I sometimes sit and think that people see something other than what I do about myself. It is almost like I have two identities. I believe I am one person but others say I am different, I cannot work it out either.

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I hope you get it all sorted out Thinkingman. I hope you have a better year. I feel for you. Keep on keeping on. Baby steps will take you to where you need to go. Mabe try some journaling in a trauma diary here for the responses. Just a thought.

 

[Abstract]

Good luck Gizmo. :hug:

search on psychology+trauma+DBT Also, psychotherapists who've worked in the NHS or private psychiatric hospitals are more likely to know DBT. Of course, you'd need to feel that any therapist and their approach were a good match for you as an individual. And of course it would be private and not NHS :(. And they're still hard to find.

Thanks for this Hashi! I did find a few eventually but sadly they were out of my reach financially. I am privileged that I am able to afford therapy but for it to be ongoing I do need something subsidised or sliding scale. I even went as far as looking at who had done thesis's on DBT in the UK and tried to find them and email them! :D

But really 3 or so years down the line and I am much better than I was with this stuff. I have learned a lot and as you said a good fit and someone knowledgeable in trauma is now my first priority. At that point I was newly recovered from my ED which had been my main means of dealing with emotions and PTSD had hit me over the head and I was desperate.

And I am with you on washing the dishes! :wacky: Its something I want to be mindless doing! I actually still find being mindful excruciating I am afraid.

Gizmo, let us know how you go or if you end up using it. I hope it helps you! :hug:

 

[Thinkingman85]

Saffy, I understand. For me, it seems like people want to see me for who I was. They accept that I'm different in some aspects. However, I'm always trying to get back in touch with the aspect of me that people were familiar with. Depression darkened it.