Relationship How Do You React To Grumpiness?

[Deleted member 28812]

My husband nags when I wrestle with our toddler and yell for help in jest. He fears I might be hurt.
He nags when I yell for help because of a problem that is not serious (e.g. When the toddler climbs something while I am feeding the baby and I cannot stop him).
He does not like it when the toddler yells "help me". He does that a lot (e.g when he cannot do something on his own, like drive his bobby car around a corner).

He tells me we are like the persons who always cry "wolf".
He nags when he does not know where I am. Again because he is afraid.
Oh, and of course he tells me I am dirty.
He does not yell or call us names but he thinks it is his right to be grumpy, nag and play the offended.

He is a great guy and because of him being around a lot because of the loss of his job I realized how much I love him... but this grumpiness.

 

[Changing4Best]

Try yawning and being bored with it all. Say you are tired of his nagging. Tell him everything is fine when it is. As to his reactions to your requests for help while you are feeding the baby, just repeat your request for help calmly until he does help. Then be sure to thank him and give him a kiss later on.

 

[Deleted member 28812]

I yelled for help because he was in the other room and would not have heard me otherwise.

 

[Changing4Best]

Did you explain that to him afterward?

 

[Sweetpea76]

Loud unexpected noises make my vet jump out of his skin... I mean, I have coughed and almost scared him to death. It's just part of the PTSD exaggerated startle response. He has explained it to me like this... think about how you feel when you have a near miss auto accident, or slip and almost fall down the stairs. You get that adrenaline-y tingling in your stomach and rapid heartbeat. If you heard a loud noise or somebody yelling at you, even just a routine calling for you across the house, it is going to grate your frazzled nerves. That is what he feels like most of the time. If I yell his name when I am not in mortal peril, I may as well go up behind him and bang cymbals behind his head while he is sleeping.

It took me a while to get it. I have kids, and we call for each other across the house and make loud jokey noises all the time. It's a normal thing to do. But out of consideration for him, we have learned not to do it when he doesn't know what is going on. I mean if he is there, and we are all rough-housing in front of him and he sees us, he doesn't care if the kids are loud. Or if we are sitting on the couch and I need to call for one of the kids and he knows I am going to do it, he doesn't care. It bothers him when it is unexpected.

I figured out a way to get him when I need him and can't physically go get him... I'll text him, even if he is just in the other room. If he gets startled, he gets grumpy and irritated too... and who needs to deal with that?

 

[catlover26]

I am dating someone with PTSD and new to this forum so I am no expert. But basically I would think his nagging may not just be directed at you but he is frustrated at what else is going on in his life and you are the 'safe person' to take it out on. The loss of his job is a big cause of his actions I would think. A counselor once told my sister that the spouse becomes the 'safe person' to take out your frustrations on because they feel like you will always be there. You probably already have but maybe if you talk to him about how you know how frustrating it must be not having a job, etc. will get him to talking. Hope it gets better.