General How Do You Sooth Your Sufferer?

[godhelpusoneandall]

I'm new to this. Tried to post a while ago, but then couldn't find it, so excuse the redundancy.

My sufferer recently has started calling me at night after he goes to bed and wants to listen to my voice while he goes to sleep. He says he finds it soothing. Comments and thoughts would be appreciated. Kat

 

[Pam]

I start with scratching his back. Then I give him a really good backrub working up to his neck and into his hair in the back, getting ever more gentle as I get near his head. Then if he continues to like it, I VERY gently soothe the rest of his scalp, temples, and forehead. He sometimes asks me to say "soothing...soothing...soothing" in a soft, low voice. It has become a tradition that he gets this treatment every Saturday. And sometimes on Sunday.

When he has a violent nightmare, I put my hand on his hip and apply gentle pressure till he stops thrashing and yelling in his sleep. It has taken a couple/three years to figure out when and how to touch him when he is having a nightmare. Compared to when I first spent the night with him, he has become much less prone to these thrashing, talking, yelling nightmares. He never wakes up when I do this. He just calms down and starts gently snoring again.

 

[godhelpusoneandall]

Pam, thanks for your reply. Mine likes exactly the same thing, the gently scratching and rubbing and even into his scalp. Interesting that he used the word "soothing". Just like mine said hearing my voice was soothing.

I don't think we will ever live together again. He is much into isolation and hoarding.

Kat

 

[Pam]

Mine hoards guns. All kinds. Old ones. New ones. Torn apart ones. You name it. You could fill a large room with guns and gun parts. He repairs guns too. I have watched him. Amazing knowledge and attention to detail. My grandfather did the same thing (they knew each other and were good friends).

He also buys tools and machinery for metal working. Even if it doesn't work. He makes it work. He also makes tools. His metal shop is absolutely a mess from the floor to the ceiling. You have to pick your way through it just to get 5 feet. But messy it must stay. If even one thing gets moved by someone else, or C moves it himself, the entire week goes down the drain and he threatens to fire the entire lot:stupid:. I have no doubt that he absolutely needs everything to stay where it lays. It isn't about the mess, its about everything staying where it was put. Even if it was dropped to the floor and rolled a few inches away. This was especially the case after the second head injury that crushed his temple bone:crazy:.

I wish my grandfather were alive so that he could enjoy the family connection we have made with each other. It was well known that Grandpa considered C to be a good replacement :occasion:for the near-do-well son. I think so too.

By the way, we don't live together except weekends and most of the holidays. During the summer off from school, we tend to stick to the same weekend schedule even though we live only a mile apart.

 

[godhelpusoneandall]

Mine is heavy into working now. Poor guy. He was a very successful contractor, but the economy here is very bad and he is working for peanuts. I know it hurts his ego, but he is handling it much better than I would ever have imagined, so I know whatever therapy he had when we were apart is working.

His body is giving him fits, though. He is over 60 and has had many accidents and injuries including a couple of big ones in Vietnam. He hurts all the time.

Yes, mine likes his guns, too. Can't blame him for that, considering what he has been through.

Mine hates the holidays. Always runs away. Anniversary dates. Some very bad things happened during that time in 'nam. Don't know how he will handle things this year for financial reasons.

Thanks for answering. I feel a little blue tonight.

 

[Pam]

I am two counties away from my C and feel blue too. My C also hates holidays. Though he likes Halloween and usually wears his "teeth" and Groucho glasses to the tavern:rofl:. St Patrick's day is another one he thinks is alright :occasion:.

When we spend time together during the Christmas break, there will be not one shred of Christmas decoration. I once put out a snowman salt and pepper shaker holder on the kitchen table. The lil white guy holds two Christmas tree bulbs in his hands. One is salt and the other is pepper. It was promptly put back in the cupboard :naughty:. He spends about an hour with family on Christmas day then back he comes to the ranch house, nearly throwing gravel as he turns the corner into the driveway. It's okay with me. I have enough cheer in my heart for the both of us :kiss:. And if I drink too much Irish Coffee on Christmas day, I get even more so.

Hang in there. Our guys are outliving many Vietnam vets (mine is 65). You gotta love em while they're still above the dirt.

So here is a hug for you till you see your guy again :Hug_emoticon:.

 

[godhelpusoneandall]

HaHa...Just what I told mine...we don't have years left!

Thanks so much, Pam. I really feel much better and not so alone. Hugs to you. Big Ones!

 

[CCurry]

I'm learning as I go what works to soothe, my BF and I own a house together so I usually I'm trying to soothe face to face.

I know what doesn't work to be forceful with him when he's in the middle of a full blown flashback. What I've learned is that it's best to hold him and tell him that I love him over and over again. Sometimes I have to walk away because I tear up just listening.

I'm very glad my bf no longer owns guns except for one that has been rigged not to work but I did find something very disturbing a little while ago. As I was changing the bedding I noticed that he was a knife, not a pocket or kitchen knife but a long (I suppose its some sort of military knife) that was tucked between the mattress and the box spring. I did confront about that, he said he's always slept like that and that it brings him comfort because he spent years and years in the military sleeping like that when on missions. Ok I get that but I am not comforted knowing that he has that and told him that. With his knowledge, I've hid this knife in the house somewhere because I don't need to be worrying if he wakes up in the middle of the night and thinks he's somewhere else and decides I'm Charlie.

Carmela

 

[godhelpusoneandall]

Speaking of Soothing. Don't you wish we could get soothed sometimes? I am usually okay, but man, sometimes his voice gets so cold...like an iceberg, and then I feel like...well, I have a feeling I don't have to tell you how I feel. kat

 

[hapa_gurl87]

Well because i am PtSd sufferer noise and movement can be very startling for me. That why I like calm quite serene settings where I dont have to worry about people shouting or screaming or seeing loud moving vehicles or people getting to close to my space bubble called boundaries. To hear a soothing reassuring voice or getting a massage for all my tension is just what I need. To have some one understand and validate me for my condition and experience. To feel that I am not a weak person for what I suffer with and to know that I am safe is very important even when safe seems scary.
I think "soothing" is a great word it totaly eases some of my tense nerves.