How do you find a balance?

[Nairobi]

Hi! I would like to know the opinion of both sides (supporters and sufferers) about how to find a balance that is ok for both parts

I mean, in the cases in which one person needs to isolate and the other person needs emotional conexion

I have read in other posts that some of you have like small agreements. Could you give examples about what the supporters do to cope with the isolation and what the sufferers can do to help the supporter in this?

For example, sometimes my friend is not able to speak or to be in the same room, but he cooks for me my favourite pizza, so the isolation is more easy for me because I feel that he cares about me

 

[Sweetpea76]

Usually when a sufferer is isolating they’re not in the mode to reciprocate any gestures. That’s why they’re isolating. As a supporter all I ever require is for him to let me know he’s not dead in a ditch every so often. If he can’t manage that then I cannot be with him for my own mental health. That’s a boundary of mine. I communicated it to him, and he knows I mean it.

That’s what sucks, this is a mental illness and some things cannot be negotiated.

 

[arfie]

i treat the quest for balance between hubby and i like an ongoing dance. even when we are dancing to the same tune we danced to yesterday, each dance has its own character. previous dances can provide insight, but the current dance is the only one which counts.

life is a dance we learn as we go
sometimes we lead
sometimes we follow
don't you worry 'bout what you don't know
life is a dance we learn as we go ~john micheal montgomery

homemade pizza sounds like a mighty fine dance.

 

[Nairobi]

That’s what sucks, this is a mental illness and some things cannot be negotiated.

Yes, I think sometimes I have made that mistake, to try to negociate things that he was not able to do. So I was frustrated and he was worst because of the pressure

One thing that I have learn from this experience is to appreciate the small moments, that maybe were not important for me before. For example yesterday, after some very hard days of complete isolation in his room without a Word, I arrived home and he was waiting for me in the living room with some food to see a movie togethers. It was a small thing, It was in silence, but I just felt sooooo happy