How Do You Stay Motivated In Therapy?

[Cool Cat]

Odd question but I almost feel like I've burned out at therapy!
When I was processing trauma and talking about REALLY tough stuff it's almost like I burned myself out at doing therapy. It was intense intense intense - and I drove it 100%.

To the point that:
Once I nearly passed out
Once I disassociated afterwards once to the point I was almost hit by a van
Twice I had disorientation to the point I forgot where I was and thought I was being kidnapped (odd, since I've never been kidnapped)

And all sorts of side-effects due to me and my drive at therapy.

The effects paid off though, I'm way further ahead than many sufferers would be considering the short time I've been in therapy because of this.

I want to keep up the change but I'm finding it hard to 'go there' and back into that uncomfortable zone again. Not to the extreme point but going there at all.

I still have a lot of difficulties but I am at a stage where my life is not a crisis. It still is by no means perfect. I am still very affected by my issues and am still tense/vigilant/anxious and often depressed.

It's a case of going to the next level of recovery. But eh, while I know I need it, I'm finding it hard to dig deep and stay motivated. Anyone have this experience or anything to say?

 

[FindingMyself88]

Have you talked with your therapist about this? This is alarming to me. Only one time have I dissociated so badly when leaving, but I ended up unable to leave her office and after her next client (last of the day) she came out and got me.. ended up being admitted into psych unit for a week to get put on meds.

To keep from burnout, I think it is tremendously helpful to somehow keep track of how far you have come. I do this by art journals. Also my therapist tells me FREQUENTLY how far I have come. And I mean, more than just saying it. She will say remember when you couldn't ... and now you can do ...?

As for the other I find it disturbing that your therapist cannot tell you are not safe to leave, especially if you have been with them for a while. My T can tell when I start to dissociate and she also ALWAYS checks in with me before I leave. If I am the least bit unstable she will do some grounding exercises and/or ask me to sit outside for a few minutes. Yesterday we did EMDR and it was a very intense session. Surprisingly I did not dissociate, but still my T walked me outside and we walked up and down the block for a few minutes before I left.

If this is not something you have talked with your T about I highly recommend it. If you have and this is still happening, I might question if this T is qualified to help you.. My first T was not and it made a world of difference when I found my current T.

 

[greenleaf]

Hi @Cool Cat . I like your icon a lot. Orange cats are excellent.

I haven't read all of your posts by any means, but I did just look back at some of your early postings -- it was only October. My sense is that you might be taking a fairly cognitive-level approach to things; when you mention "driving" yourself in therapy, that seems like a willpower/conscious/cognitive approach. From my perspective, that level of one's brain is a really important part of working on things, but not the only level we have. Our cognitive understandings of things are something we can "drive" ourselves to develop, like focusing on an academic topic until we master it. The cognitive structure is a really important thing to have for a lot of us; it's a powerful survival tool in many circumstances, lets us work at predicting things, figuring out how to put ourselves in safer situations, etc. etc. But there is more to our brains, and older parts of our brains get very involved in ptsd since it's a fight-or-flight thing.

The cognitive level can be the only level some of us are aware of, for a long time, though -- until we actually start to feel safe on deeper levels. So, if you don't remember those sorts of safe feelings, and don't have conscious control in the sense that we cannot "drive" our deeper brain areas to feel safe, how do we do this, and keep progressing in healing? I think it's sort of like trying to tell yourself to experience color if your eyes for some reason had only been sending your brain black and white images... how do you even know where to start? If your brain is not letting "you" know/experience some things because a deep part is certain you will be greatly harmed, how do you access this part, which is not necessarily really verbal? ("Reptile brain" has never sounded too verbal to me, and mine never seems to be...) Luckily, we all seem to be able to slowly grow no matter how old we are; I think healing might be going toward a more natural state for our brains, once we remove the 20 ton weights sitting on us...

My experience has been that these deeper levels of learning and change are quite slow and operate at their own pace... much slower than cognitive analysis, but can be more profoundly universe-changing. Many therapists know techniques to help with relaxation, things that calm these deeper brain levels and might start to let you come out of "survival mode" in more areas... does your therapist feel sympathetic and warm to you? Some of the damage needs that kind of emotional safety, for a lot of us. Yoga, massage, trying to figure out safe people and put yourself around them... other people have many suggestions here too.

Also... the feeling that you don't want to go to certain places in therapy, might be a really important thing!!! This could be a hint of a deeper part that you don't sometimes pay attention to, maybe it hasn't felt safe to pay attention to during trauma, but maybe you are actually feeling safer at that level because you are actually feeling the reluctance now? What if you talked to your therapist about these feelings, and perhaps talk about ways to honor that "part" and help it feel safe? It can be really hard to figure out what our various parts need. Don't feel scared, apparently we all sorta have these "parts" even if we're not DID. (This is a model of course, but I think it's really helpful sometimes.)

 

[ghotiff]

I too struggle with motivation.

I think motivation for therapy can feel easier when the need is obvious and urgent. Once the urgency has passed (stabilization is working) the next stage of unpicking the past and rebuilding a thinking structure is slow and tedious, and not terribly satisfying. Then on top of that, it's difficult and depressing to face problems and acknowledge them.

I think some of my motivation struggle comes from me not really understanding what therapy is going to change over this year, that is, what benefits am I going to get. Therapy is a big commitment of money, time, and emotional energy and the improvements don't feel as tangible as I would like them to be.

Don't know if that helps any, it's just my thoughts....but I don't think youre alone.

 

[joeylittle]

I've had to take breaks occasionally because my dissociative symptoms become too much for me to handle. After about 3,4 weeks off from trauma work, just doing general therapy work, I usually feel OK to get back into it. I'd suggest some breaks where you can work on your daily life stuff with your therapist, to have a balance to the trauma work.

 

[Suzetig]

I'd echo @joeylittle in that I have periods of really intense work followed by a bit f levelling off, taking this a but easier with lighter sessions before I get back into it. For me he main thing is to just keep turning up, trusting my heart and mind to know what I can do (while not wimping out of doing the tough stuff when I feel able).

Therapy can be a long, slow process. It's good that you've felt so motivated, but listen to your body and catch your breath a bit.

 

[Cool Cat]

Have you talked with your therapist about this?

As for the other I find it disturbing that your therapist cannot tell you are not safe to leave, especially if you have been with them for a while.

my T walked me outside and we walked up and down the block for a few minutes before I left.

I might question if this T is qualified to help you.. My first T was not and it made a world of difference when I found my current T.

Cheers for the reply! The 'have you talked with your therapist about this' one is a good question. But like, it's just so damn expensive I feel like I'm wasting time, like you could spend half a session talking about this kinda stuff and get no where. Interesting RE walk bit!! Mine would never do that, not that he's not a good T.

I think motivation for therapy can feel easier when the need is obvious and urgent. Once the urgency has passed (stabilization is working) the next stage of unpicking the past and rebuilding a thinking structure is slow and tedious, and not terribly satisfying. Then on top of that, it's difficult and depressing to face problems and acknowledge them.

#PREECH! :) You really hit the nail on the head, it's funnily quite easy to motivate yourself in a crisis.

Interesting points @greenleaf, @joeylittle and @Suzetig about almost taking a break. But I keep coming back to money...I'm broke...Like I can afford therapy but like I kinda find it hard if I cannot see clear and constant progress, maybe that;s part of the problem.

 

[KwanYingirl]

When my funds get low, I rate my healing sessions at the top of the list. I've had to cut out reiki for a bit while I pay off a loan. I do miss it but it's wicked expensive.
I usually get anxious before a session but I tell my therapist and we end up finding something amiss in my life. Where I have trouble is afterwards. Sometimes I have to ask for a second session to help me process the previous visit.
If we've worked on memories or if I have a flashback and dissociate it's a waste of time. He has taught me a lot about trauma and the physiological fallout from it. Since we tend to avoid anything that reminds us of our trauma, I think we're amazing to commit to therapy. Pat yourself on the back!!

 

[holdenmonty]

I am kind of the same way only I have been going to therapy so long that I feel like my therapist keeps having me come back because I'm not to the point that she would like me to be but I feel like things have stayed the same for the last several months. I must admit though I am handling things better at work. Now it's just outside of work when I feel like I'm not in control of the situations that I feel like I still need help.