How Do You Talk About Trauma?

[piratelady]

I posted in Hashi's thread that next week my therapy will shift from stabilizing my symptoms to talking about the trauma. I have been in therapy for a bit now and have never talked about those things that have caused my PTSD. I tried with my first therapist. He told me that the only way I would get better would be to talk about it in detail. I said I couldn't do that and didn't know how to get to the point where I can. Needless to say, I was never able.

My therapist asked me today what I was afraid of, in terms of talking about it. I told him that it was not so much fear as it was that I am just so ashamed of what happened, I have difficulty talking about it. Well, "difficulty" is an understatement, lol.

I am curious to hear other's experiences talking about their trauma. Like, did you just give an overview, did you go into detail? What did you talk about and how was it afterward? What did you therapist say or how did they react?

I am hoping that if I hear other's experiences, it will help me to actually follow through at next week's appointment.

 

[Rumors]

Good thread! I am actually in the same boat so I will eagerly await replies!

Good luck, btw. Hope you make a breakthrough.

 

[Smushroom]

I am. again, in the same boat. I find it extremely difficult to talk about my traumas, and really haven't talked about them in depth. We have talked about 'lesser' trauma's, and we have kind of skimmed around the edges of the main trauma, but never actually discussed.

However, my T is fantastic and allows me to email her, write letters, text, whatever. I used to email her pages and pages worth of emails. I told her about the traumas in depth. She knows pretty much everything. I find it easier to write it out and have her read it when I'm not there. Again, it's the whole 'shame' thing.

Perhaps you could organise to do a similar thing with your T? Are you able to write about it, but not actually get the words out of your mouth while sitting in front of someone? It has helped me a great deal, and even though we haven't actually discussed it yet, it definily helped getting it out of my head and on to paper

 

[rightkindofme]

I actually don't "speak" much about my trauma. I write about it. That's how I develop enough distance to present the information. I started out with a timeline with the "big overarching theme" of the trauma listed but no specifics about each item. Then I got wordier and wordier in writing about them.

 

['91 Girl]

I write it and send it to my T. I haven't been able to really verbally talk about much. I'm working my way there, but starting with writing. Maybe you could write it out and bring it with you, to either read out loud or give to your T?

 

[Powder]

Talking about it is hard because even thinking about it makes me ill. Even if I say it doesn't bother me now to merely mention it happened, my body reacts and goes into Fight/Flight/Freeze mode.

Sometimes, all I get is the shakes, but it can progress into intrusive thoughts, and other reactions.

So my trouble talking about it is not wanting most of my life spent triggered and in that state.

When I tried talking about it even vaguely, my T's tried to steer me away from it. I think they could see I am not stable enough to talk about it with them. I didn't trust them, was testing them, and they "failed" my tests. So I left.

I think that because of betrayal trauma, it will never be simple for me to go to therapy. I don't think I will ever be able to make myself do that. I push everyone away. I can't stand for people to get too close to me, don't allow touching unless I initiate it, mostly, and tend to need to feel in control of interactions.

Life has gotten much more difficult to manage as I've aged with PTSD untreated. In fact, for C-PTSD, I am not seeing any treatment available for it in my area. Talking about it with the counselors here, who are less prepared than I to understand PTSD, I've given up on that. I want to move and am stuck here. Needless to say, that is a source of depression. I work just a flew blocks from where my Dad/perpetrator owns a medical building and works. :( Sucks.

 

[shell]

Talking in detail, but when I first started I just continually dissociated or emotionally numbed and spoke as if it meant nothing.

These days it is in in detail, and I actually connect emotionally, it is one of the hardest things I have ever done, after two years 4 therapists it's no easier, I just cope better and stop avoiding as much. I really struggle with trust issues, with them and me, I have no faith in my own ability to cope at times.

I guess it is worth it, as I have seen a massive improvement in my symptoms.

 

[anthony]

Talking about trauma is really about finding the right entry point to get it out. If shame is your fear factor, then the best way is to actually start out by writing something small about your trauma, directly about it, and that you are ashamed off, then pass that to your therapist and let them open dialogue with you. You do then have to engage and talk... thus you will find usually with the opening from your therapist, they don't feel the same as you about it... thus the ice is broken.

Repeat as needed.

This is only one method... there are more. You can draw pictures about it, you can record it and let them listen to it, et cetera... but you have to start somewhere and you DO have to atleast provide loose specifics.

People get wrapped up in details too early, when in fact it is more about point form, here it is. Then you start somewhere... and suddenly details come without being forced as you feel more comfortable.

Again though... you have to DO at some point if you want to get past it.

 

[piratelady]

Thank you everyone for your input and sharing your experiences. I think more what I'm wondering about is how your therapist reacted once you started talking about it. The whole process of discussing my trauma with a therapist that interacts with me is a complete unknown. I guess I'm hoping to demystify the process a little and I hope that will make me a little less anxious.

Thanks for that information Anthony. As far as writing about my trauma and giving or sending it to my therapist, that actually creates more anxiety for me. I can't explain why, but having me wait while someone is reading something I wrote is unnerving enough for me, let alone for it to be about my trauma.

People get wrapped up in details too early, when in fact it is more about point form, here it is.

That does help, and maybe that's what my therapist is trying to do. I can't remember how he phrased it anymore, but I think that's what he meant. I think I could manage a general overview, maybe.

I guess I have a week to figure out how I'm going to do this. I'm committed to it though. My first therapist, one of the few times he contributed to the conversation, he said if I didn't deal with my trauma it would just repeat itself. I have already seen some truth in that and I know I need to just rip the band-aid off, so to speak.

 

[Hashi]

I'm wondering about is how your therapist reacted once you started talking about it. The whole process of discussing my trauma with a therapist that interacts with me is a complete unknown.

My first trauma therapist encouraged me to talk with her about this, and now I always do it before telling my therapist something. We talk through my fears that she'll be disgusted, will judge me, won't believe me and so on. It makes me feel a bit better and it also means she knows what I need reassurance about after I talk, so she can give that to me. It can be really important to hear "It wasn't your fault" or "I don't judge you for that" after I've said something.

Something that I hadn't thought about was her not reacting much - being still, being silent, no expression on her face. When that happened with my first therapist I found it difficult, but I was able to tell her I needed something back. I need my therapist to say something after I've talked, not sit in silence.

Sending you good thoughts, piratelady.

 

['91 Girl]

Piratelady, my T is very responsive in a good way. I try to be honest and tell her what I'm afraid of and what I feel like as I go, and she responds to those as appropriate. I have never felt like her responses were inappropriate, and sometimes I am shocked by the emotion behind them (she is a very expressive person), like she really understands and really cares. I don't always know how to handle that, but it's never in a bad way, and I don't ever feel judged or blamed for what happened, even if I am blaming myself.

 

[piratelady]

Thank you both for the responses. I told my therapist a little bit about what I was worried about. He did ask me what types of abuse I've endured (emotional, physical, and/or sexual). I managed not to lie! Although, all I could do was shake my head yes or no. He thanked me for my honesty, which was oddly reassuring.

Typically, when things are too difficult for me to talk about, I deflect by making jokes about...anything I can think of. It will be interesting to see if that defense mechanism surfaces next week.