How Do You Talk About Trauma?

[Deleted member 1860]

What I've encountered is that most of my therapists just dumped me in the middle and didn't get me out. This didn't help me because my mind was stuck in the moment of the trauma, so reinforcing just that moment in my mind didn't help; in fact, it made me worse.

What helped was retelling my story on a continuity. I have a happy "before" memory, the trauma, then a happy "after" memory. It was enough to finally make my brain realize that the trauma is in the past. I no longer relive it.

 

[piratelady]

I have a happy "before" memory, the trauma, then a happy "after" memory.

I think that is what my therapist was trying to do. I had my appointment today. We talked a little bit about how the abuse started and progressed and I tried to talk about some of it. I couldn't go into any specifics about the one we discussed the most. He said that I don't have to talk about every single detail, but I need to be able to talk about it (more specifically than I did) and to kind of let it go. I don't know, he explained it better. Anyway, after that we talked about how I did leave the marriage, and was strong for getting out. I don't see it as strength..but I did leave, he is right about that.

As I said in Hashi's thread, the therapist asked me how much of this I want to go through. I said enough so it doesn't affect me so much any more. He kept asking me more about it, so I'm thinking that was now the answer he was looking for.

 

[nimkekaa]

It took me a long time to be able to verbally tell my story and I still haven't told it all. I did find though that after telling parts of my story and not being locked up, looked at with disgust etc... it was easier the next time. It seems the more I talk and bad things didn't happen, the more willing I was to continue with my story.

I think that most of our fears are in our heads. We were conditioned to believe these horrible things will happen if we told. But when it doesn't happen then you have hope that other bad things won't happen when you talk. I feel I a releasing fear every time I tell my story.

I hope you find the courage to share with your therapist. It sounds to me that you have a good therapist that you seem to trust. I wish you courage. Hugs if you need them.

 

[Birdy]

Something that helps me is by writing down my memories and then I give it to my therapist to read.

It's easier this way.

Sometimes she asks me to read aloud what I've written but I only managed to do that a couple of times. It was very upsetting.

But I think that by writing your memories down is a kind of release as well.

 

[Crow]

EMDR was my lifesaver in my early days of therapy. It allowed me to revisit and talk about the trauma without experiencing the anxiety and fear. I would never have gotten to a point of tellilng the full story without EMDR.

My current psychiatrist is more attuned to me <i>not</i> talking about the details but feeling the body sensations and working through the experience with the feelings by tracking stuff in my body. It's called somatic experiencing. I have trudged through more (insert expletive here) in the past six months than in all my years in therapy. It's a miraculous approach to trauma work.

 

[violet1234]

piratelady, I can so relate to what you are talking about. The way I think about it, when I am in session with my T I have no idea how to bring up the trauma. She sort of hints toward talking about it, and I'm like what's to talk about?! (When really there's everything to talk about since I haven't talked! Lol)

Even so, whether its absurd or not, I am worried about upsetting my T, I am also worried that if I do tell her everything then wouldn't that take to long or be too much?

Anyhow, great post....wish I had the answer. I think accepting that its going to be difficult is maybe the first step. My T has at times told me to try just talking about the abuse quick without emotion or detail, just to get it out there.

Good luck and keep up the great work!

 

[Skylynx]

Tomorrow I'm going to therapy and I'm trying a different way to open up that might help someone here, too . I saw a picture of a little girl by an artist in a magazine. Her frailness and vulnerability spoke to me and seems like the inner kid I can't talk about. Hopefully, we can get started talking about things via the picture. Now I feel manipulative, like I''m trying to get her sympathies by showing a sweet little girl. Yek, you can't win...but I'm doing it anyway.

 

[Crow]

How did things go Skylynx?

 

[ellienad]

I mentioned this on another thread, but when my T first mentioned that we will eventually work our way towards getting into the details of the trauma itself, I had a panic attack right then and there. As weird as it sounds, I'm actually glad I did because it allowed me to see the reassurance and safety that my T can provide and therefore, began to feel safe enough to start to work through the trauma itself.

I repressed the memories of my trauma for many many years and the details come back in bits and pieces. When they do, I write them down and slowly but surely bring them in for my T to read. It's always on my terms as to how much I want to share and when I want to do so. She usually reads through it and then checks in with how I'm doing, what I'm feeling, etc. before going any further, and then we go from there. If I feel like I can handle talking about it further then she'll initiate the conversation by asking questions about specifics and what I remember and we'll go as far as I feel comfortable.

As much as these "sharing" sessions are the hardest, they have also been some of the most cleansing and healing sessions. Remember that sharing is on your terms and you don't have to rush into anything you aren't ready for :tup: