How Do You Tell Someone You Have Ptsd?

[squirrel]

When making a new friend or getting into a new relationship, how do you approach telling someone about PTSD? Are most people understanding or do others push you away?

 

[AndrewH]

I didn't tell my girlfriend for about a month, then I just kinda said it. I didn't fully divulge how severe it was up front, I dragged it out

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I'm assuming as a supporter you're trying to get an understanding of the other side?

The truth is that nobody can fully understand what we're dealing with. Many say or do what they think is helpful but in the end it really isn't. Don't say you understand because you can't and it comes off as insincere. Be supportive. Simply being there for your sufferer can go a long way.

I think many of us don't tell those who are new to us about our diagnosis. We don't want to scare away people too soon. Many people simply don't want to deal with it and walk away. I wouldn't say they push away, but they walk away. (These actions are different.)

 

[Seasounds]

We're you told in a hurtful way? Was the information withheld from you?

I share when it is necessary, in a straightforward manner.

As far as supporters go, believe it or not, there are many people with PTSD, who may not be aware or believe that they have it. They think they are just occassionally moody, anxious, or angry. I was one of those people. As time went on, and as I became more involved in the world-worked and had relationships, PTSD symptoms intensified to the point were I could no longer deny them. Hence, today, I know more to share.

 

[shimmerz]

Be careful who you tell. It has been my experience that some can be great supporters and others can use it against you. My symptoms are such that you can't help but know that I have PTSD. After having dealt with it actively for seven years now it has been my experience that if you say you have PTSD and you look at a lost expression on someone's face or an answer of 'what's that?' then chances are you don't want to enlist them as a friend.

If however, you respond that you have trauma issues and the person states that they too have issues with such then they at least have a perspective they can work with. They are aware. I have found the best results with people who are aware and when you have an issue you can go to their point of reference and have them understand to a degree what you are dealing with.

Remember that some will take advantage of your vulnerabilities. These people you stay away from. If they can't empathize, then back away quickly imho. I have made a fair number of mistakes as I tend to be trusting of others. I have now learned discernment.

A good way to meet people who can relate and help could be through listening to their stories and withholding your own. Picking out people who have been wounded as well is unfortunately like finding an oasis in the desert. We don't need to explain as we do with others in detail much of anything. They already know. They speak our language. It is at this time that I divulge.

Not sure if this helps but it has been my experience through trial and error.

Love and Light
Shimmerz

 

[rightkindofme]

I am very out. I am a writer and I have been documenting my experience of PTSD for over ten years. I talk to people about PTSD all the time. My neighbors know I have PTSD and they now can explain a lot of details about living with it because I talk about it.

Lots of people wish I would shut up. Ask how much I care about their opinion. :)

 

[ebci1]

Yes can not agree more you have to be cautious who you tell , dont get too personal too quickly as you want to tell people you can trust who wont use it against you.

 

[arfie]

I most often tell my PTSD story in the by-and-by. "I react irrationally in December because..." "I cannot handle light metaphors because..." Etc., etc. Treating it like a great global revelation is entirely too intense for my nerves.

As for how people react to the story... I do not trust my ability to read or interpret the reactions. I don't understand why I do most of what I do, much less why other people do what THEY do. If I am meant to know, THEY will let me know in their own good time. Or not.

 

[Abstract]

I haven't told anyone.

 

[scout86]

I've only told a few people. A couple of close friends, because I thought they deserved an explanation. A friend who is my "adopted brother", because I'm pretty sure he has combat related PTSD and he needs to get some help himself. I told him the unabridged version of "why I decided to see a therapist" hoping a light would go on in his stubborn head. (I guess it did, at least to a point.)

For the most part, I don't think it's anyone else's business. I don't really care how they choice to interpret it, but I know there can be a price to pay for giving them the information.

A few years ago, I had a good friend who was a teacher in a school for kids with problems. She's a cool lady and I'm sure she's well known as a "cool teacher". This was one of those friendships where you feel like you've known each other for years, the first time you meet. One day, she was talking about sexual abuse and how people who are abused go on to become child molesters. I was kind of appalled, but, she's a good and reasonable person, so I thought she'd benefit from learning that that stereotype isn't true. So, I said, "Although it's true that many abusers were also abused, MOST people who were abused don't go on to become abusers. I know that to be true not only from research, but because I was abused and I'd NEVER do anything like that to anyone else. I'd die before I'd let anyone hurt a kid."

You should have seen the expression on her face. The conversation died and so did the friendship. NOT something I expected! I would have expected it from some people, I sure didn't expect it from her. The only thing I can think is that she was THAT sure of her belief. Which is particularly tragic, because I'm sure a bunch of the kids she works with have been abused.

If you're going to share this kind of information, you'd best do it with your eyes wide open, because you don't always know what's going to happen next.

Personally, I HATE sympathy and not wanting THAT reaction from people is probably the main reason I don't say anything. It's kind of a "need to know" deal and most people don't need to know.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

@scout86,
It's unfortunate that some people hold on to stereotypes so tightly that they can't accept the truth when it's put right in front of their face. I feel bad for this persons students. It saddens me that there are people out there who actually believe that everyone who has been sexually abused goes on to abuse others when this is far from the truth.

I'm sure that many (most?) of us have had experiences where we've disclosed our PTSD and then the relationship soon thereafter came to a screeching halt, oftentimes a complete surprise.

 

[Abstract]

Ignorant with a capital I @scout.