How Do You Tell Someone You Have Ptsd?

[scout86]

Solara & Abstract, you're both right and I totally agree with you.

Yet, she IS a good, and intelligent person who truly cares about her students. (At least most of them?) I was really sure, when I said what I said, that she was going to change her mind when she found that someone she knew was an exception to her stereotype. And I was sure she knew me well enough to think I WAS an exception. Oh well? I DO worry about the kid that works up the courage to confide in her, because she's the kind of person they'd think they COULD confide in, and then gets this kind of reaction.....

I don't mourn the lose of the "friendship" as much as I regret that she wasn't open to seeing things differently. And, there was never an actual discussion of why she broke off communication. Maybe it was something else and I'm reading too much into it. But then, maybe I second guess myself too much too! LOL

Solara, any relationship that comes to a screeching halt because of these kinds of conversations probably needed to do just that anyway, I guess. Doesn't make it a non event, but I guess it's a sign of a problem and the problem isn't the one on "our" side of the fence.

 

[rightkindofme]

I have had so much outpouring of support and good things from talking about my mental health issues. Yes, there is the occasional person who sucks and who isn't supportive. They are drowned out in the waves of people who want to help and be a force for good in the world but they don't know how.

I can't count how many people have told me that they have gone on to become more activist in talking about mental health issues because they have me as a resource. I talk to them about managing anxiety, depression, abuse, and the lack of resources in every community and then they go on and spread what I've told them.

I feel very sad that people think that PTSD is something that should be hidden and shameful. It is the natural result of things that weren't my fault. I refuse to feel bad about it.

My relationships sometimes come to a screeching halt. Sometimes it is the disclosure of PTSD. Sometimes it is just the simple fact that I am an intense person and not everyone wants a relationship with an intense person. That doesn't mean that I should tone down or change or stop talking. It means I should go find better people to talk to. There are billions of people on this planet.

I'm not going to stay home and silent just because it would make people I don't care about feel better. Their feelings really aren't my problem. They need to manage their boundaries just like I need to manage mine.

For me it is like the way some people are very out about being LGBTQ(insert whatever letter fits you) and some people think it is no one else's business.

You can't get outreach and community if you are in the closet.

 

[stuff]

I let it out early all the time now. I can't be bothered to waste time with someone who doesn't want or have the capacity to understand what it's like to be me if they want to be my friend.

I gauge it before speaking for sure, but I can't bother hiding it (which is difficult). I grew up in a house where we weren't allowed to talk about mental health really. My Mom's psychosis became this thing that was never spoken of and I think I avoided seeking treatment earlier because I was brought up believing there was shame attached to a mental health diagnosis.

Some people are complete jerks, but by being open I feel like I lend strength to other people who are struggling as well and get to lend a hand to break down the stupid stigmas we have as a society and how we view mental health.

 

[Hashi]

How I approach it is to think about why I might want to tell them. How do I hope it will benefit me or the friendship? Is it necessary? Have I got realistic expectations about telling them? Do I want to identify myself in that way (for my own sake)?

I've told very few people. Usually, it's enough to say something about a relevant symptom. For example, I might explain that I feel anxiety over some things. In the end, I think that's what's important anyway - how I interact with people and situations. I think it's usually unrealistic to expect people to understand me from the phrase "PTSD", but I think it's reasonable to ask them to understand and accept how I am if I describe it.

 

[EverOnly358]

Do whatever feels right, whenever it feels right, when it comes to disclosing that you have PTSD. The thing is, some people will get it and some won't. It can be really hard to be rejected... not because you're a bad person for having PTSD (because you're not, you're very strong), but because the other person has no way to relate. It's kinda like people who love all kinds of ice cream, people who have a few favorite flavors and those who will only eat vanilla. Kinda like that. Oh, and if they hate ice cream, stay away from them.

Be calm, everything changes,
EverOnly

 

[rightkindofme]

I hear you Hashi. I disclose because I want to raise awareness, basically all the time even if it doesn't lead to a relationship with a given person. That isn't a goal everyone shares. :)

 

[Hashi]

rightkindofme, I'm confused. You seem to be saying pretty much the opposite of me. I rarely tell someone I have PTSD. The only awareness I'm after is about how I am in the world, and that's on a need to know basis.

 

[rightkindofme]

I am saying the opposite of you and agreeing with you at the same time because I'm tricky like that. I agree that we need to know our own reasons. You have very specific reasons for not disclosing and I have very specific reasons for disclosing absolutely everywhere. :)

 

[Abstract]

I think its absolutely essential we know exactly why we are disclosing and what we expect from it if anything. I always look at this whenever there is action I am taking that includes others.

For me I am an extremely private person. I am good on a social level and appear open but when it comes to many things, all important things, I am very closed. A virtual clam who relies on me and only me.

In my opinion most of the pain people experience when disclosing is when they have expectations and those are not met.

If I did disclose it would most likely be for a couple of reasons. The one would be to lesson or soften the effect of one or more of my behaviours on others in my life. I am battling with this one at present. Guilt versus preferring not to. I am not someone who acts out but there is no doubt that certain things would feel less personal if one or two people knew.

The second is as a way of attempting to make me more open and attempting to build up some tolerance of having that sort of connection to others. This inability to tolerate deeper contact and long patterns of not doing so is a big part of what is hindering me getting help in therapy. It is totally counter intuitive for me. I also don't trust people not to use it against me.

I also agree that just saying "I have PTSD" is a sure way to have little understanding for the recipient. People don't understand PTSD and why should they.

Lastly telling anyone in my family is a very loaded issue. My emotions would not be so invulnerable and there are more potential problems than I could list. I should tell my sister but almost surely won't and for very good reason.

@rightkindofme I think it's great you are open. It sounds like you don't need others affirming when you tell. You tell for you and to be open and it sounds as if you are a very open person. That's why you can do without it feeling so dangerous. Talking is essential for you to feel OK whereas not talking is essential to me.

Unfortunately that doesn't exactly leave the door wide open for therapy!:rolleyes:

 

[Abstract]

And the last two posts that were posted while I wrote represent exactly what I was thinking!

 

[quic]

I dont like labels and would rather people see me for who I am now, not my past experiences. The only people that I have told were those who needed an apology and explanation for something I did or said. I have also told other sufferers about my condition, they are the most understanding of all.

That being said. If I were in a new romantic relationship with someone, I would tell them as soon as possible. I would not want to share a bed before sharing the truth. They deserve to know how it may impact the relationship.

 

[EverOnly358]

I am not someone who acts out but there is no doubt that certain things would feel less personal if one or two people knew. The second is as a way of attempting to make me more open and attempting to build up some tolerance of having that sort of connection to others. This inability to tolerate deeper contact and long patterns of not doing so is a big part of what is hindering me getting help in therapy. It is totally counter intuitive for me.

@Abstract, that's what I finally started to realize back in August.

@rightkindofme I think it's great you are open. It sounds like you don't need others affirming when you tell. You tell for you and to be open and it sounds as if you are a very open person.

I agree with @Abstract. There are lots of people who need to learn.

rightkindofme, I'm confused. You seem to be saying pretty much the opposite of me. I rarely tell someone I have PTSD. The only awareness I'm after is about how I am in the world, and that's on a need to know basis.

@Hashi, you're right, I think (I hope I have this right) that @rightkindofme is pretty much saying the opposite of you.
I agree with what someone said about not just saying "I have PTSD," because lots of people can't relate. What they can relate to are the symptoms of PTSD. Everyone has felt anxious or had nightmares or zoned out at some point in their life. It's a good place to start.

This is a great thread, @squirrel,
EverOnly