Relationship How do you to keep your sparkle??!

[Sunshine71]

Guys...

I am a very bubbly person... I have my own radio show... I am a presenter on the stage for several events.... so how how do you stop yourself getting dragged down into the horribleness of PTSD??

I have stood by hubbies side for 10 years... I only feel happy when he isnt around...

I hate to say it as I love him so much and just want us to be happy....

I don't feel I can laugh or play my favourite music - How do you cope???

With love - Sunshine xxx

 

[Sweetpea76]

Man, I can relate to this... when he is symptomatic it just sucks all the happiness out of the room. That isn't his fault. It's mine. I'm an empathetic person, and when he's depressed and down I tend to get somber. I think like you, I tend to "escape" and have fun on my own away from him when he's like that. Sometimes it feels like that's the compassionate thing to do... give him some space, go have my own life and not let him feel guilty for holding he back, etc. But other times I wonder if I'm making him feel like I don't care because I'm off having fun while he's suffering, or if he feels left out.

I haven't quite figured out how to manage that one. He gets pissed off if he thinks I'm trying to "cheer him up", but I can't let his PTSD make a black hole in the household either.

It's a tricky one. He's the one I want to be having fun with.

 

[Snowflakes]

I think therein lies the struggle....for both of us. I believe my sufferer yearns for the good old days, as do I. I don't know if that will ever happen and, over time (10 years), it has become less of a goal. I just remember those times.

I now cherish those few moments when she is in a good place and we can smile and laugh together. I'm beginning to learn when and where those quiet moments may be but don't get upset if they pass.

I don't have an answer here. It's a struggle that I'm working with my therapist now. I'm desperately trying not to let my temperament and personality sink into the rabbit hole.

I'll follow this thread reading suggestions that Sunshine is looking for. :hug:

 

[A concerned spouse]

I've just learned to just be me and let him be him. I refuse to fight, acknowledge or allow PTSD to steal my joy. Music? That's what ear buds are for lol. If he's having an episode of withdrawal I just let him know that I'm there for him but let him have his space and then do whatever it is that makes me happy. For years I did the withdrawal thing with him. Isolated myself along beside him and it just made things worse. Come to find out that he hated himself more because he saw what it had done to me. So I got into therapy and stopped being an enabler and take care of we. I no longer jump into the darkness with him and he seems to get over it faster. As much as us supporters feel that we should constantly be by their see when they are withdrawn, I found out he would rather me do something fun then just sitting their in silence. He would rather have some down time to heal. Wish he would have explained this to me 30 years ago. Be who you are!

 

[Snowflakes]

@A concerned spouse I hear what you're saying and that part I finally did learn by coming here. If I think in terms of 2 separate people, this would probably be much easier. I do love my wife who suffers from C-PTSD and I can, and often do, go out and enjoy life without her. But when I do, I miss her. My temperament and personality is being with her. I'm not a needy nor anxious person. This isn't a need; it's a want. PTSD affects her and I because, for the most part, it seems to prevent the joys of togetherness we once shared a long time ago. I guess I just grieve that loss.

That said, I see what you're saying. Thank you :hug:

 

[Sunshine71]

I've just learned to just be me and let him be him. I refuse to fight, acknowledge or allow...

I no longer jump into the darkness with him.... this has really resonated with me Thank you so much xx

 

[A concerned spouse]

@Snowflakes I'm the same way. I miss him and it's my temerment and personality to be with him. It's who I am and he's a part of me. I enjoy and miss that togetherness also. Sometimes it feels like grieving a death but I've learned that when he's in a PTSD episode, it steals him away from me and I can't fight PTSD and win. If I try To, it's him that gets hurt. So I love him enough to give him his space and to release any guilt by not allowing PTSD to capture me with him. I need to be happy and strong for the both of us. I need to show him joy and laughter in his dark world. I need and want to be that shining light in his darkness.

It gets lonely sometimes but I work hard to push all that out of my mind because the bottom line is . .
He didn't choose this, I didn't choose this but PTSD took it's victim as it saw fit and this has become our forced reality. So I choose to love him through it. I choose to be his partner. I choose to be living beside him with PTSD fighting me every inch of the way but I choose to be stronger than PTSD because I choose to fight for the man I love and vowed to live. It isn't a fairy tale but I guess you could say it's our fairy tale lol

 

[Pinkcookie456]

It is hard, I suffer from anxiety and probably I might be depressed (completely unrelated to my bf). I have difficulty coping with my own issues, added to that the stress from my relationship with my man sufffering from PTSD, the anxiety magnifies tenfold.
I miss the old days. I have my network of friends and family who are always there for me so I manage somehow. Often my sister and my best friend keep asking me why do I put up with my bf (I find it extremely harsh but I know they are only looking out for me)

I don't know what to say. Deep down I know he is a wonderful man and I chose to stay with him and fight this with him. What I see is life isn't meant to be perfect and I am optimistic that things would improve someday.